Letters to John — From Canada

Letter 1 — From Brisbane to Vancouver

Diverse Thoughts Crossing my Mind While on the Aircraft

When I went to Canada, I wrote John a letter (email) every day. In this way, we felt we were traveling together. This article is a collection of all the articles I published on Medium, which came from the first letter I wrote to John on that trip.

Dear John,

I am so excited. Not long ago I boarded the plane, and I am on the way to my next big adventure. For so long, I have been dreaming of experiencing the north part of the American continent, and finally, now I am sitting on the aircraft, which should turn my dream into reality. I hardly can believe that it is really happening as I can’t believe that all that just happened a few hours ago really took place. I can’t believe we were so lucky to experience all that together…

At the back of my mind, there is always the disquieting thought — what if they don’t let me in, what if there is something wrong with my passport or my visa, what if they stop me at the last minute… I had so many issues crossing the borders in the past that it can be challenging to keep the troubling thoughts out of my mind. When you are born as a “second category human being” with the wrong nationality, skin colour or religion, travelling (and life) can be challenging.

Nevertheless, I don’t want to put any shadows on my enthusiasm and excitement. Therefore I try to occupy my mind with the wonderful memories I created with you just before leaving.

I hope that everything will be going well and… I can’t wait to set my foot on the Canadian ground :)

My flight to Vancouver had a layover in Sydney. My experiences at the Brisbane airport and on the flight from Brisbane to Sydney I described in the following article

It is already 11 am, and I am on my way to Vancouver. This time I have a nice seat with the perfect neighbours — a window on my left-hand side and an empty seat on my right-hand side — you cannot get better while locked in a coffin full of people.

OK, yes, you are right, John, it could be better — with you by my side. I wish I could hold your hand, admire the wonderful views and share the moment with you. Do you know, John, that I have never experienced how it is to travel by air with a loved one? I have always travelled by myself…

The only time I didn’t go alone was one of my trips to Europe — it was the last trip I had ever had with Andy, but… It wasn’t travelling with “the loved one”. No, it was a living nightmare. He was so determined to push me down, intimidated and tyrannised me all the way. For me, that particular trip was almost 40 hours of mental terror. Believe me, it is a thousand times better to be on your own than with a despot on your side — as I said, I tested it ;)

Anyway, there is no point in talking about the dreadful grey past. I know that travelling with you would be a lot of fun, pleasure and enjoyment :)

Just a moment ago, through the window, I could see the endless golden sandy beaches spreading over the Australian shores. They look so inviting, I could walk along them for hours or even days…

Memories of my summer holidays, when I walked 100km along the beach…

I am not sure if I already told you, but many years ago, when I still lived in Poland, one summer I went to the seaside for a week. Every day I walked along the beach for about 20km. All I needed l packed in a big backpack. My sister and her friend also came along, but they didn’t walk — they travelled either by train or hitch-hiking. In the morning, we discussed which town we would meet at the end of the day and then I set off.

I walked and walked and walked. The sand was grey, and sometimes it disappeared utterly, giving way to small, at times quite rough stones. The water was ice-cold. The wind could be so strong and fresh that it felt like it was getting through my flesh and stroking my bones. However, at that time, the Baltic Sea was the only sea I knew, and I enjoyed every step I made, every breath of the fresh seaside air I took, and every touch of the waves I could feel on my feet. I enjoyed every moment.

In the evening, I met with my sister and her friend, and we camped together. This was one of the best holidays I have ever had — so simple yet memorable. More than 20 years later, I still remember it as if it was just yesterday…

If these holidays at that time, in a place so average, without the soft golden sand and warm waters, were so memorable, then how wonderful would it be to experience the walks on the most beautiful beaches in the world with somebody who loves me and who loves the life and the nature as much as I do? With somebody who sees the world in the same way I do. With somebody with whom I have a special connection. How wonderful would it be to walk the coastlines of the smallest and driest continent on earth with you, John, by my side, holding your hand…

You know, John, whenever you hold my hand, it feels like a missing part was reattached to me, and I feel completed… We could walk and walk and walk and enjoy the sand and the sun and each other. And if we got tired of walking, we could go for a swim and play in the blue warm salty waters of the ocean… I am a dreamer, I know, but dreams don’t harm anybody, and sometimes they do come true :)

I’m looking out of the window again. The golden shores disappeared, giving way to the deep blue waters of the ocean. Oh, a few whales are swimming in the sea just below me. First, I thought that the dark spots which I could see on the surface thousands of feeds beneath me were nothing more but the shadow of the plane, but now I realised that these are living creatures coming out of the deep, releasing a fountain of water and diving back into the ocean. What a spectacular view — again, a moment I wish I could share with you.

From time to time, I look at my watch and wonder what are you doing and where you are. I guess now you are about half an hour into your journey. Isn’t it funny, we both are flying at the same time, but in opposite directions…

The day before I left for Canada, I caught up with John. He was mourning his beloved dog, which had just passed away. “I will never have a dog again! Too much pain when we lose them,”- said John in an anguished voice with tears flowing down his cheeks. This sentence stuck in my mind. And so, while I was sitting on the plane writing the letter to him, I also wrote about my experiences with dogs, their pure love and how they influenced my life. The following article has all these thoughts:

I am already more than halfway through to Canada. The flight is quite good. For the last couple of hours, it had been dark already, but earlier I could admire the outside world and mother nature’s masterpieces built from clouds. Sometimes we were surrounded by big mountains made from the condensed watery vapour. Soon after, dark clouds appeared above us, resembling the face of angry gods covering the earth but not being able to hide the shiny face of the sun. And then we flew into a thick dark fog which in some respect reminded me of snowstorms in my home country.

At some point, I could see a tiny island middle in the endless waters below us, hiding behind a thin layer of white cloud. I love the mesmerising views. I felt so good that… at some point, I fell asleep. Yes, I even managed to sleep for an hour and a half.

It hardly ever happens that I can sleep on a plane. It had happened only once, but I will not even go there. That time I was so exhausted because of the mental terror Andy put me through before I left for Australia after our last holidays together in Europe. No, I am not going there. It has nothing to do with today.

Today I slept for a very different reason — not because I was stressed and exhausted, but because I was so thrilled… It was a wonderful time we had together before I left. The wonderful dream in which I felt so loved and wanted. I didn’t want the dream to end. I wanted it to go forever, and it is how I felt asleep — looking out of the window and thinking about you and us…

Luckily I woke up before it got dark, and I could admire the incredible sunset and the pinkish painted sky. And the big moon. It looks like in a couple of days we will have a full moon.

I tried to watch a couple of movies. It was not easy as I hardly watch any movies, and therefore I get bored pretty quickly. It took quite a few attempts before I finally found something I could watch.

One of the movies, “The dressmaker”, was rather average, but I liked it as it was set in the Australian outback in the fifties. I loved the scenery and the views. Though, when I think more about the movie, it wasn’t too bad; it had quite a bit of truth about life in some small country towns at that time (regardless of where in the world), about the bitterness, resentment and hatred of the people living there. Their isolation from the world and the contrast between the village people and the accomplished or educated people from the city. There is also a love story shown in the movie, talking about love in the deep meaning of understanding, support and, of course, also strong affection.

The second movie I watched was called “45 years”, and it provoked a lot of thoughts — in regards to love and relationships. I described all this in the article below

Finally, they brought some food — not much, but at least something! I am exhausted and so hungry that I started to feel sick; I thought I would throw up. I could order something to eat, but I wasn’t sure what to get. I am not sure how it works with orders, not to mention it costs a fortune.

I know it is not rocket science to order something, but… I am just too tired and too shy. I didn’t want to talk to anybody; I just wanted to get some water and something to eat. They don’t allow you to take any water with you on the aircraft, and then they don’t give you anything.

What a crazy flight — I don’t like Canada airlines. They have hardly any food here (New Zealand and China airlines are much better, have plenty of food, and you don’t need to ask for it, they give you a few meals during a long flight). We got only one small meal short after I boarded the plane and then nothing for almost 12 hours! I understand now why people always have snacks with them. Next time I will take plenty of food with me too.

I have a slight headache. The constant noise of the engines, hour after hour after hour, is taking its toll. I hardly can concentrate; my writing isn’t good anymore, so I will stop for the moment. We still have over two hours to go. I wish you would be sitting next to me and I could rest my tired head on your shoulder.

Yes, I know, I am a bit cranky now, so not the best companion, but it wouldn’t be a problem for you, as if you were next to me, I would be just sleeping and not complaining. When I am so exhausted like now, the worst is the lack of privacy — I cannot hide and relax, I cannot run away into my dream, no, I have to be with all these people, and they annoy me terribly. They don’t do anything; just their presence annoys me so badly.

I am starting to be really unreasonable… I love to travel, and I am sure it will not be the only time I visit Canada, but I have to find another way to get there — over 14 hours in a coffin is much too long for me!

I think I will hold to my little Buddy now, and we will try to watch another silly movie. Yes, my little Buddy is with me again — if I cannot travel with you, at least he can come with me and cheer me up. Nevertheless, I hope the next time you will be able to go with me.

I hope you had a lovely trip and you will have a few days of relaxing and enjoyable time with your family before you have to get back to your work.

Yours forever,

Jan

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