Let’s Talk About Sex

Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

1839

Abstract

re notoriously dirty dancers. It’s the wattle — totally obscene. Roosters are also surprisingly sexy and once they start dancing, forget about it. You might as well borrow Madison Cawthone’s nighty because you’ll be motivated to get laid.</p><p id="c870">My how-to-have-great-sex article made me so popular I had to pay my babysitter to answer my fan texts so I had time for the morning talk shows. I don’t know if you’ve ever done a morning talk show, but those people have no idea who they’re interviewing. They’ve been up since 3:15 a.m, they’ve already worked out for seven hours and there’s cocaine in their coffee.</p><p id="91d7">I think I’m going to write about something other than sex from now on because eventually somebody's going to ask me how to do it properly and I have no idea. I can, however, recommend a very experienced rooster, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. The wattles are gonna get ya.</p><div id="5c68" class="link-block"> <a href="https://aculberg007.medium.com/subscribe"> <div> <div> <h2>Get an email whenever Amy Sea publishes.</h2> <div><h3>Get an email whenever Amy Sea publishes. If you want to laugh or read about breasts, I'm your writer! By signing up…</h3></div> <div><p>aculberg007.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*5aWFWVKjjxKfty2E)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="f346">Thanks to BOF for teaching me about roosters and Andrew Rodwin for knowing homeruns is two words.</p><p id="9156"><i>Want life to be funnier? Put more <a href="https://medium.com/muddyum">MuddyUm</a> in your life.</i></p><div id="3b84" class="link-block"> <

Options

a href="https://readmedium.com/sleepy-dick-d87c03a3a453"> <div> <div> <h2>Nobody Cares About Droopy Dick</h2> <div><h3>Libido plummeting from the trees</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*MHsqe1MROpuh_V3rBX3JGA.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="17ef" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-best-sex-of-my-life-c13f720f9fad"> <div> <div> <h2>The Best Sex of My Life</h2> <div><h3>Why on this night is this sex better than on other nights?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*ltGjsnOHPQpFijAVugrbVw.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e558" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/local-mom-realizes-shes-an-asshole-e533829087c6"> <div> <div> <h2>Local Mom Realizes She’s An Asshole</h2> <div><h3>She picked up the newspaper</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*UneCi6voIryUmRdTQPIYog.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><figure id="e68d"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*2zfrO68BfC_hCmNySSvQnw.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure></article></body>

Home runs rarely happen in football

I recently wrote an article discussing the best sex of people’s lives. So far, it has six million views!!! Readers thought it was a how-to article.

Congress called me. They said my story crossed party lines. They invited me to present at the House. I was super excited until I found out The House was Republican porn slang for viagra.

I still might have attended but Madison Cawthorn texted me a photo of his Victoria’s Secret party wear and I couldn’t compete. I’m also not currently dating unreliable narrators, so I RSVP’d, “Can I borrow that nighty on my anniversary?”

One famous baseball player contacted me and confessed that great sex is more important to him than spring training. Then he said, If you tell my coach I said that, you’ll wake up under home plate. I have no idea if that is a baseball euphemism for murder, but I wasn’t going anywhere near a baseball match.

I only know a couple things about baseball. Three strikes you’re out and you get to do a rooster dance when you get a touchdown — but, you can’t do an offensive rooster dance or you get fined.

This is ridiculous because everybody knows roosters are notoriously dirty dancers. It’s the wattle — totally obscene. Roosters are also surprisingly sexy and once they start dancing, forget about it. You might as well borrow Madison Cawthone’s nighty because you’ll be motivated to get laid.

My how-to-have-great-sex article made me so popular I had to pay my babysitter to answer my fan texts so I had time for the morning talk shows. I don’t know if you’ve ever done a morning talk show, but those people have no idea who they’re interviewing. They’ve been up since 3:15 a.m, they’ve already worked out for seven hours and there’s cocaine in their coffee.

I think I’m going to write about something other than sex from now on because eventually somebody's going to ask me how to do it properly and I have no idea. I can, however, recommend a very experienced rooster, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. The wattles are gonna get ya.

Thanks to BOF for teaching me about roosters and Andrew Rodwin for knowing homeruns is two words.

Want life to be funnier? Put more MuddyUm in your life.

WATTLING THROUGH PARADISE

Let’s Talk About Sex

Home runs rarely happen in football

Get an email whenever Amy Sea publishes.

Get an email whenever Amy Sea publishes. If you want to laugh or read about breasts, I'm your writer! By signing up…

Nobody Cares About Droopy Dick

Libido plummeting from the trees

The Best Sex of My Life

Why on this night is this sex better than on other nights?

Local Mom Realizes She’s An Asshole

She picked up the newspaper