Let’s Shelve That Idea, for Now

Not everyone needs a presidential library

A lot has been made of late about the Former Occupant of the Oval Office’s pursuit of a so-called “Presidential” library. Reports in the press indicate Mango Mussolini has been thinking about his legacy and has even put his former caddy and Twitter tweaker Dan Scavino in charge of scouting out the situation.

Since we know Comrade Minus is just this shy of illiterate, we can pretty much be certain no books — except perhaps the ones he had others write for him — will be involved in this project. So I’ve taken this opportunity (“Yuck List”, Bigly) to suggest items to fill this theme park — er, post-modern tribute — to tRumpyism.

A plaster cast of tire tracks permanently sunken in the greens of his golf courses

It is a known fact (“Yuck List”) that this despicable dude drives on the greens at his golf courses. Why not take at least one plaster likeness of the damage for posterity?

A curated list of the Twitter Turd’s oddest tweets

Start with “covfefe”. Move on from there, perhaps to his “deepest apologizes” and something about the country of “Columbia.” It would be the greatest list in “hustory”, from the guy with the self-proclaimed “best words”. Totally “unpresidented”. Not all of the tweets would have to be from Mr. T. His education secretary proved she really wasn’t educated several times. My “apologizes”, but…

A Big Mac

He’s never been one to turn down a “hamberder”. His spelling, not mine.

The upside-down Bible

He had peaceful protesters cleared from in front of the White House last June so that he could waddle across Lafayette Square and stand inexplicably in front of St. John’s Church — also known as “The Church of Presidents” — so he could scowl and hold a Bible upside down. I have no clue why. You tell me, OK?

His Personal Communications Devices

It has been thoroughly documented that this guy doesn’t know how to use a computer (not even a laptop or an iPad), but is hella good — if he puts his reading glasses on — at tapping out those tweets on an iPhone, or the Android he used before that. Also, he calls an iPad — upon which he received the “President’s Daily Brief” each morning — “the flat one”. I’m glad I didn’t know that fact while this idiot was presidunce. I’m sure he was thoroughly ingesting and digesting all those secrets the Leader of the Free World is supposed to know in order to do his job.

A tube of the orangey foundation he uses to give himself that Florida Man Tan

I’ve determined it’s foundation, not a tanning bed or other kind of electronic device. He smears it on in an odd, old demented man fashion, so it’s clearly a self-owned fashion hit job.

A tube of the hair dye that melted and then ran down Rudy’s face

Rudy is not Rumpy, but as some would say, “birds of a feather”. In this case, I would say, “pigeons”. Nothing but rats with wings. And quite common in New York.

A collection of “What Not to Wear” Wear

In keeping with the fashion thread, what about

— One of his red ties, along with the scotch tape used to secure it. — A pair of his odd, stovepipe suit pants — “Brioni”, my ass! Oh, and while you’re at it, the comical “formal wear” he donned to mingle with the Queen. — The black retro presidential windbreaker he wore to tour “disaster” zones — His dress shoes — either the ones with the 3-inch heels or the ones with the lifts, or both. — Instead of one of his red MAGA caps, how about a collection of parody caps designed to mock his cap fetish?

A book — any book — that he may have pretended to read over the last 70 years

How about that upside-down Bible? He says he likes both the Old and the New Testament “probably equal”. So much for claiming to be “The Chosen One”.

His “old man” overcoat…

…which he is always trying — and failing — to button. What does he have hidden in his coat, anyway?

The mask he wore and then dramatically removed during his “Evita” scene on the Truman Balcony

You know, when he came back to the White House in October, after allegedly suffering from COVID-19. Patti LuPone was not impressed with his performance.

One of the love letters from Kim Jung-un

He says he received these from the North Korean despot. I say this is just another example of good love gone bad, or something.

The Magic 8-Ball he and Melania danced around with the Saudis

What was that all about, anyway?

The I Really Don’t Care jacket

I know. Not tRumpy, but it is another family fashion faux pas. Melanie wore this gem to see the kids in border detention camps. And yes, he has referred to his wife as “Melanie” on more than one occasion.

The “cheat sheet” Hope Hicks wrote for him so he could pretend to project empathy when meeting with the family members of shooting victims

After the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, the prez met with the family members of school shooting victims. He required a “cheat sheet” written by aide Hope Hicks in order to express his empathy.

A roll from the pile of paper towels he tossed to Hurricane Maria victims in Puerto Rico

You remember this, right? What a guy!

The “tiny desk” he sat at a couple months back while taking questions from the press

This desk — more like a small table — is frequently used by presidents to sign legislation. The Orange Oaf sat at it to answer questions from the press. Guess it gives new meaning to the expression “living large”?

A curated list of his campaign rally playlist — annotated

“YMCA”? “Gloria”? “Tiny Dancer”? And perhaps a video depicting the way the guy dances. I just don’t get it, do you?

The “SharpieGate” hurricane map

I guess this goes along with rich guys thinking they can bend anything — including Category 5 hurricanes — to their will.

The memes that launched a million more memes

This particular presiduncey was such a joke. And what better way to commemorate the perfect nature of a parody than by putting the memes that captured its ridiculous essence on display? My favorite is the one at the start of this compilation, satirizing the tiny man in such a large way.

The Button on the Resolute Desk

It had nothing to do with declaring nuclear war or even the tiniest of emergencies, unless you consider presidential thirst worth dropping everything. Breaking News: President Biden has removed the Diet Coke Button from the Resolute Desk