Hit the Road, Jerk
With apologies to Ray Charles and others, I put together a playlist of some pretty decent “goodbye” songs
Wednesday, January 20, 2021 is the day most of us — oh, I’d say about 80 million-plus — have been waiting for. While I don’t like to give the Orange Oaf much credit, he — and the Alexa in my kitchen (thanks, Jeffie!) — gave me inspiration to pen this adios to the perennial burr under our national saddle blanket. Yes, I curated a playlist for Minus-45 — perhaps he can listen to it on his flight down to Florida.
Author’s Note: These are mostly love songs. But we all know we’ve loved to hate the pretty much former occupant of the White House (and I love that phrase, don’t you?), who’s been dialing it in since he lost, bigly, on November 3. So, here goes, with minimal explanation.
Good Riddance — Green Day
If you listen carefully, this is a more melancholy tune with hardly a harsh tone in it. In other words, nothing like its title. My Yearbook students once used it as the backing track to a video assignment about all the things they were going to miss after high school. Suffice it to say, I will not miss Mango Mussolini. At all.
Hit the Road, Jack — Ray Charles
The late, great Ray Charles sings this classic with the help, we imagine, of the women he has scorned. The call-and-response works, even for the purposes of this playlist. I’d say we’ve been more than scorned plenty of times by Mr. Orange Baby Carrot Fingers.
Bye, Bye, Bye — *NSYNC
My guess is that this boy band bop will be used a lot online today. It’s the end of an era, after all — not an era that we care to remember particularly fondly, but an era, nonetheless.
50 Ways — Paul Simon
Always loved this tune. And I’m thinking that just like in these lyrics, there’s no love lost between the American People and Agent Orange.
Don’t Think Twice — Bob Dylan
Yes, this is a bittersweet love ballad, if one can say Dylan ever wrote anything remotely resembling either a)bittersweet or b)love ballad-like. At any rate, I won’t be thinking twice Wednesday about the Saffron Seditionist.
Irreplaceable — Beyoncé
When I hear this song, all I can think of is mini-golf down at our beloved Outer Banks, and the catchy opening lines, perfect for a breakup:
To the left, to the left To the left, to the left To the left, to the left
Everything you own in the box to the left In the closet that’s my stuff, yes If I bought it please don’t touch
What About Us? — Pink
Welp, what about us? I’m not quite sure there was ever any “us” as far as Putin’s Puppet was concerned. Was there?
Since You Been Gone — Kelly Clarkson
Looking forward to breathing for the first time after noon on Wednesday. Quite literally and metaphorically. With apologies to the “Yuck List”.
We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together — Taylor Swift
Especially if the Senate decides that the Cheeto-in-Chief can’t serve another term. There’s a reason there are three songs by Ms. Swift on this playlist. Catchy titles and lyrics. We can relate.
Survivor — Destiny’s Child
Another Beyoncé & Friends classic. I count myself as a survivor of four years of terror. And you?
Breaking Up is Hard to Do — Neil Sedaka
Yeah, it will be, for some of us. But I have faith. If we can survive the reign of King Gorge the Turd, we can survive almost anything. And I have to admit — I’m already missing tuning in to some of his more ridiculous Twitter tirades.
You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling — Righteous Brothers
When combined with the cacophony created by his friends Rudy Colludy, Wrong-Way Conway, Mary Late Olsen and his Daughter-Wife, Grifter Barbie, not to mention all the fawning from Faux News, Tweety Bird created quite a Wall of Sound. And no apologies to Phil Spector here. He was just as much of a creep.
It’s Too Late — Carole King
As the countdown to evacuation from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue ticked on, from months to weeks, to days, I got the feeling that some of Rumpy’s supporters still thought they could wrest victory from the jaws of defeat. But it’s too late, boys. Way too late.
I Will Survive — Gloria Gaynor
The tune blaring from speakers set up near the White House at the January 6 Insurrection Rally. Not quite sure why. But there’s quite a bit of truth to those lyrics. We will survive. Counting on it, in fact.
Don’t Speak — No Doubt
Recent news reports say the Tangerine Tornado has been “silenced” by social media. Could we keep the Lyin’ King from ever opening his mouth again?
Walk on By — Dionne Warwick
And keep on walking, Don the Con. And don’t look back. Nothing to see here. We are never ever getting back together. Remember?
Wrecking Ball — Miley Cyrus
He was happiest when he could destroy things. At the same time, Cadet Bone Spurs told us he couldn’t serve his country because his feet were wrecked. Go figure.
No Scrubs — TLC
I don’t want no scrub. A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me. Never. Ever.
Mr. Big Stuff — Jean Knight
JFK asked us to consider what we could do for our country. All the Demander-in-Chief ever asked for was what we could do for him.
Tainted Love — Soft Cell
This iconic ’80s anthem to synth-pop pairs nicely with those who voted for IMPOTUS and may have regrets now. I’m thinking there are more of you out there than we think.
Mean — Taylor Swift
Yeah, he is. That’s why we sometimes refer to him as Clownface Caligula
Shake It Off — Taylor Swift
Again, so relatable! Even though he has traumatized us for four years, I think we’ll be able to cleanse the nation of his trespasses — especially when the Incredible Bulk is in the rear view mirror.
Coward of the County — Kenny Rogers
Do you really think I need to explain this one?
Cold as Ice — Foreigner
The way I feel when my MAGA friends and family whine about how much I hurt their feelings when I besmirch Little Donnie Dementia. You want “unity”? You’ve got a lot more rehabilitating to do.
Independence Day — Martina McBride
Think about it. We are an abused nation. We need redemption. The Fourth of July in January? I’m all in favor of that.