Let’s Do the Time Warp, Again

10 Things I wish I could tell myself in January 2020

Dear January 2020 Danielle,

I’m far too busy running after our daughter to time travel all the way back to 2020 right now, so I’ve sent this message by pneumatic tube just like in The Umbrella Academy. I’m sure you understand.

Shit’s about to get weird. You know the apocalyptic sci-fi novel The Sheep Look Up, by John Brunner? Yeah, that kind of weird. A whole bunch of the toxic and festering problems around the world will burst forth like an unholy bout of Herpes B.

I know you’re literally just exiting life as a stay-at-home mom, but hunker down my girl, and get cozy with your hobby-loving, ambiverted self. You’re not a natural prepper of any stripe, but do make sure you have on hand a few basics that you otherwise tend to leave last minute since you’d rather be buying books than toilet paper.

Though, if push comes to shove, you can always repurpose some of those Piers Anthony novels if need be. They’re no longer good for anything else, anyway.

While you’re at it, here are ten things you probably want to know before sometime mid-March when the world will shrink to the size of your 800 sq foot condo.

Stop Thinking About Your Novel and Start Writing It

Putting pen to paper is its own reward. The words will come. The world you’ll escape to via the process will become solace and sustenance. When you finally do, in about 8 months from now, it will feel like the first good poop after a long, arduous bout of constipation.

You know you’re only truly happy when you’re creating. The video games will still be there, later, when you have more time. Writing is the relief that you’re looking for, not 100 more rounds of Civilization VI.

Buy Wall Shelves

Your toddler is never going to stop climbing the bookshelves. You need to elevate as many breakables out of reach ASAP. Oh, and get some plant lights while you’re at it so your plants can still survive inches from the ceiling.

You know that gorgeous donkey tail succulent? For some inexplicable reason, hell hath no fury like your toddler when it comes to your most precious and fragile plant. PUT IT OUT OF REACH. Final warning.

Make Playdates with All Your Mom Friends

It can be hella hard to leave the house with a one-year-old. Her sleep is so easily disrupted, and she’s still bouncing between one and two naps, which means plans are virtually impossible to make ahead of time.

When you’re this neck-deep in winter, wrangling her into the four layers needed to go from back door to car is like trying to put shoes on a squid, but do it. Take the risks, make the effort, and go see them.

It’ll be good for all of you.

Go to Yoga

I know, I know, it’s a big to-do every time you leave the house. Your toddler cries like her world is ending and it sucks. It feels stressful and leaves you more anxious than just staying home.

But you’re going to miss the feeling of being with other bodies, moving, breathing, evolving. You’re not going to get more relaxed or limber, sitting on your couch or chasing your daughter around. Even the memory of these glorious times will help get you through some sticky spots, and both your brain and your body will thank you for the endorphins.

Buy A Good Phone Case at the Same Moment You Buy that New Phone

Because toddlers.

Don’t Sit on the Couch with Your Laptop

See above.

You Will Sleep More, Eventually

It won’t come all at once, unfortunately. It will arrive in dribbles — five more minutes here, ten more minutes there. Every so often you will get seven hours straight, and it will feel like heaven.

Then you’ll start to write and you’ll wake up in the middle of the night with so many stories spinning in your head you won’t be able to sleep anyway. Such is life.

Maybe you’ll sleep when she finally goes to college. Hopefully, you’re past the night sweats of menopause by then. If I could see even further into the future I would tell you. I’d like to know, myself.

You Don’t Need 200+ New Miniatures to Paint

Even if they are all so cool. You’ll have time to paint 20–30 max. Save that money for beer because that you will need.

Breastfeeding Will Come to Its Natural Conclusion Effortlessly

You are right not to listen to your mom. When you and your kiddo are ready, it’ll fall away as easily as the leaves do on a rainy autumn day. Life moves fast and you don’t need to rush anything just because someone else says so.

You know your body. You know your daughter. Enjoy the time the two of you are in sync, because one day she’ll be writing a letter to her past self validating her choice not to listen to you.

It is known.

You’re About to Meet a Super Squad of Kindred Spirits

There is no sweet without the sour. All the isolation and political conflict and familial disagreements will become the bleak rainstorm you’ll escape from into the warm dinner of an incredible group of writers.

You’ll start to feel like Cliff Clavin, when he rolls into Cheers. Sure, you’re ridiculous, but everyone is glad you’re there, anyway. One by one you’ll find each other, the way the stars light up after dark.

They’ll forgive you your love of mixed metaphors and your use of British English and the innumerable, insufferable, and superfluous adjectives you tend to throw into your stories like rice at a wedding. But godamnit, words are like wine and you want to drink them all — all at once.

And even though they each have their own favourite vintage, they’ll get it. They really will.

So buck up, my girl. The world is always bigger in ways we never imagine, and yet small enough to feel like home. Shhhhh just ignore the cheese factor and roll with it.

Making your way in the world today Takes everything you’ve got Taking a break from all your worries Sure would help a lot Wouldn’t you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go Where everybody knows your name And they’re always glad you came You want to be where you can see Our troubles are all the same

Thanks to Paul Combs for inventing this fun prompt, and for The Garrulous Glaswegian and Jessie Waddell who provided inspiration. Check out their posts! If you want to join, please use Talking To Myself as one of your tags, so you’re easy to find.

I’m tagging Sandy Gold, Mary DeVries, Maria Shimizu Christensen, Allison Cecile, Lisa Gerard Braun, Colleen Millsteed, & Jade M. to join if they have something they’d like to tell themselves back in January 2020.

And here’s another listicle if you’re not too listicled out. It has pictures!