Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and learning from mistakes as part of the spiritual growth process.

Abstract

The text discusses the challenges of self-judgment on the path of personal development and spiritual awakening, advocating for a balance between self-awareness and self-criticism. It suggests that making mistakes is a natural part of learning what alignment feels like and that the journey towards spiritual awakening is not a linear race but a lifelong process that requires both masculine and feminine energies. The author argues against the hamster wheel of productivity, highlighting the need for surrender to the soul's timing and the acceptance of our limitations. The article also addresses the feeling of misalignment, offering comfort and perspective for those who find themselves in situations they regret, emphasizing that every experience has value and can lead to personal growth and new opportunities.

Opinions

The author believes that we are too hard on ourselves, especially in the context of self-improvement and spiritual journeys.
There is a delicate balance between being self-aware and being overly self-critical.
Spiritual awakening is not a goal-oriented, productivity-based process but a journey that involves both discipline and compassion.
The masculine approach to spirituality, characterized by linear progress and productivity, should be balanced with the feminine approach, which includes stillness, intuition, and playtime.
Some aspects of personal development, such as awakenings, are beyond our control and require surrender to the soul's timing.
Mistakes and misaligned choices are inevitable and can be valuable learning experiences that guide us towards what we truly want and deserve.
The author suggests that perceived wasted time or wrong turns can lead to important life lessons and unexpected opportunities.
Self-forgiveness and acceptance are crucial for moving forward from past decisions that were made with the information available at the time.
The article encourages readers to embrace the non-linear nature of spiritual growth and to remain open to new doors that may open as a result of past experiences.

Let Yourself Make Mistakes

Sometimes making misaligned choices is the only way we learn what alignment feels like

I think that we’re too hard on ourselves. Especially as people on paths of self-development or spiritual awakening, it can be easy to stay in a constant state of self-judgment.

There is a careful line between self-awareness and constant self-criticism. The discipline of seeing our patterns, our triggers, our blocks, needs to be balanced with compassion — a willingness to take rest when we need it, to tell ourselves we’re okay just as we are, even if there are still things we want to work on.

Sometimes, we even need to accept that there are certain ways of thinking and being that we simply aren’t ready, or don’t have the tools, to release just yet.

And that’s okay. You’re okay.

The unfolding and ego destruction that is catalyzed by spiritual awakening is a life-long process and a journey in and of itself. It’s not a race to the finish line. If we approach our paths that way we miss an awful lot of the things that make life so rewarding.

We aren’t meant to be on a hamster wheel of productivity, not in any kind of work, be it a traditional 9-to-5 or the work of finding ultimate freedom.

Why The Hamster Wheel Doesn’t Work

I find that many approach their spiritual journey in a very masculine way — what I mean by that is a linear, goal-oriented, productivity-based, disciplined, and organized approach.

There’s nothing wrong with incorporating that energy. But it needs to be balanced with the feminine approach to this path, which offers moments of stillness, self-compassion, the insight that comes not from study, but from intuition. It includes space to feel, integrate, to rest, incorporating greater ease, flow, and playtime.

With an all-masculine approach, we start to believe that our awakening happens through force of personal will, and that we have total control over the process. That’s just ego.

Some of our development will come from intention and focus. But some of it — like an awakening — we have absolutely no control over whatsoever, and it comes when it comes however it wants to. This requires surrender to our soul, to that indefinable, mystical aspect of us that doesn’t operate on our timelines or comply with any egoic programming (ideas, beliefs, projections, expectations) we’re familiar with.

Without surrender, we can push our egoic agenda for years and then look up to find we’re completely out of soul alignment.

When You’ve Fallen Into Misalignment

So, you made a wrong turn. You wake up one day thirty years into your career and realize that you feel dead inside. Or you’re a decade into your marriage when you suddenly understand that you're living in toxic dysfunction with your partner, just going along to get along.

You’re not happy. You’re stuck.

Somewhere along the way, in the series of endless choices we’re asked to make in this life, you chose against your intuition. And you kept choosing it, perhaps because you thought there was no other way, or maybe because the other path seemed too terrifying to even consider at the time.

Whatever the reason, here you are. And you think, “How did I get here?” and you look around at your life in despair and you think “What have I done?”

Your mind wants to drag you under a wave of self-loathing so big you will never resurface because you think “These have been truly catastrophic mistakes. There’s no going back from this.” There’s no getting back the opportunities you missed to pursue another career path or choose another partner. And you wasted all that time.

Maybe.

Or maybe, and hear me out, maybe those opportunities didn’t truly exist for you then because you couldn’t see them. Maybe you had to take this long road, this off-beaten path.

Maybe your broken marriage needed to happen so that you’d learn what you actually wanted and deserved in a relationship. Maybe the job you hate gave you the network, the transferable skills, and the confidence to start your own company when you finally do walk away. Sometimes we have to make the “wrong” choice to know what the right one feels like.

Maybe you had to meet certain people along the way. Maybe you had to learn something about yourself. No time is wasted.

And since we’re not taking the linear approach to spirituality, the best path to where you’re going is not necessarily the straightest path.

Okay, But I Really Screwed Up

Sure, it’s possible there is no silver lining, and you feel like you totally dropped the ball, like you’ve spent unnecessary time in hell you could have avoided if you knew this is where you’d end up.

But guess what, love? You didn’t know.

You didn’t know. You couldn’t know until now. And you can’t jump into a time machine and go back and change the past fifteen years. All you can do is move forward from here.

So, what if instead of deriding yourself for what you couldn’t possibly have known back then, you give yourself some grace?

What if you accept that you made the best decision you could with the information you had back then?

Forgive yourself the pain — to you or anyone else — and let it be simple. Not easy, but simple. Now that you know better, you can do better.

Move forward from here and you’d be surprised at how life can open doors you thought you’d long since sealed shut.

❤

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