Leave Me Alone I’m Lonely
Alone in motherhood and how to cope
Honestly, most of my motherhood stories don’t get much attention here, but that’s okay. Whether read by fellow moms or supporters, I’m grateful no matter what. I turned to Medium to share my experiences, hoping to connect with other moms who might feel the same way because it’s about finding solidarity in our journeys.
I was skeptical about writing this, but when I saw Liberty Forrest, Author Newsletter-ish on “Coping With Big Changes,” it resonated with me.
I value honesty and transparency, even if it invites judgment. That’s the beauty of the internet: you can always block the haters and stay true to yourself.
As a mother, I often feel lonely. When I became a mom two years ago, I was unprepared for what would come. People warned me about the lack of sleep and the disruption of my life.
Were they right? Umm, to a certain extent.
Sure, there are rough nights and tough days, but there are also unexpected victories, like finally mastering the art of sleep training. And while I kissed my old life goodbye, my life is not over, and what I’ve gained is far more fulfilling anyway.
It’s lonely at times, with no family near by to help, but I’ve learned to find joy in the little things, whether it’s a moment of quiet reading, a burst of creativity, or taking time for self-care. So, yeah, my days might seem routine, but each one is filled with small blessings that remind me how lucky I am.
I left my 9 to 5 job, which, honestly, left me miserable and unsatisfied. Motherhood brought a sense of fulfillment I never had before.
I wish I had a supportive community, but it’s rough these days. Planning playdates becomes a practical nightmare, with friends far away or caught up in their own mom lives. It feels like there’s always something getting in the way.
The way I have been coping as a new mom is by appreciating how lonely it can be at times, knowing that this too shall pass. It’s not going to be like this forever.
All I can do is welcome the lonely parts of motherhood, discuss them with someone who understands, and write about them. On those difficult days, I use writing to let go and remind myself that tomorrow is a new day.
Moving from my NYC routine to suburban life among strangers — a big change in itself — I sometimes struggle to hold a conversation outside, given my toddler-focused days. This shift has led to a decline in my social skills, along with episodes of anxiety and a sense of isolation.
Sometimes I wonder if other moms are more socially active, if I’m handling everything correctly, if I’m enough, and if I’m a good mom. These questions constantly occupy my mind.
I’m content with my life and wouldn’t exchange it for anything. My fiancé and I follow traditional lifestyles, which I’m fine with, but during moments of anxiety, I crave solitude — no fiancé, no toddler. I cope by accepting and welcoming my feelings, knowing they’re part of being human. I step away and return feeling like a whole new person…usually.
Some days my fiancé gets it; other days, he’s confused. But he respects my need for space when I ask for it.
My Medium community is growing, and although not all of you are parents, I’ve found bits of your personalities in your writing: amusing, relaxing, relatable, or knowledgeable. Sometimes, all of the above. It’s strange — we’ve never met, but our writing connects us. Just to name a few of my favorites: Chantal Christie Weiss, Jessica Levine, Emily Ann Mark, Claire Franky, Christina, Praise Frank, Yana Bostongirl, Julie Calidonio… the list goes on, but you get it!
Every day I’m coping. Every day is a new learning experience. Every day, I cherish the ups and downs of motherhood.
I’m a little old school, preferring pen and paper, so I like to jot down daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly goals, finding joy in checking them off. When I feel discouraged or useless, reflecting on my progress during challenging times reminds me of my strength in overcoming hard days.
It’s the little things that counts.
I have to give myself a pep talk sometimes and stop comparing myself to other moms, stop comparing my kid to theirs, stop comparing my home to theirs, stop comparing my lifestyle and the way I manage things. Hence why I’ve kept my distance from social media since I started writing on Medium. It’s a different vibe here, and I love that.
Every experience and change you face as a parent, whether joyful or challenging, is valid. Acknowledge the highs and lows and know that you’re not alone in your journey.
Practice self-compassion and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem — I’m still getting used to this.
Most importantly, trust yourself and your instincts as a mother or father, and remember that you’re doing the best you can for yourself and your children.
