DECEMBER PROMPT | YULETIDE WEIRD

Leave It to the Gods to Ruin Your Birthday

They all have special days! Can’t I have mine?

My birthday’s coming up again, and I’m hoping it goes better than last year. This time around, I decided to meet everybody at Olive Garden. That way, I can avoid the hassle and clean-up of hosting the party at home. There’s a chance I’ll get stuck with the tab, though. I’m not going to mention any names, but “vows of poverty” should be discussed before ordering the Shrimp Alfredo.

I invited Odin last year, but he didn’t show up. He called about an hour after the party started, claiming to be stuck in traffic. It was a ridiculous excuse. Everybody knows there isn’t any traffic on Christmas Day. Besides, I could hear the sounds of revelry in the background. He was probably at the Mead Hall, surrounded by fur-clad warriors and virgins.

Even though I saw him ruin the cake, Buddha had the nerve to blame it on my cats! With his face covered in frosting, no less! When I called him out on it, he became very defensive.

“I swear to God, Jesus! I was just trying to smooth over the damage! While we were all praying, Frankincense and Myrrh quietly jumped up on the table and took a huge chunk out of the cake! They brushed my arm when they left! That’s how I know it was them!”

To top everything off, Ganesha kept pestering me to open his present. Said it would be the perfect complement to the party. I assumed it was Yahtzee because that’s what I asked for. But noooo! Who cares what Jesus wants for his birthday?

It was Twister! Of course, it was Twister! What man with four arms and a muscular trunk doesn’t want to play Twister?!? He had even modified the little spinner with “trunk” settings. What were the people with no trunk supposed to put on the circles? Huh, Ganesha? Unbelievable!

I didn’t actually invite Elorg, the extra-terrestrial deity. But aliens always have a way of showing up for important events. I wish I had invited him. He was the most gracious guest, by far. He even bought me Yahtzee! The game was constructed from an unearthly material that made welts on my hands, but hey, that wasn’t Elorg’s fault. At least he looked at my wish list.

I wrote this in response to Ryan Klemek’s Short and Weird December Prompt. And more specifically, for his painting of Jesus’s Birthday Party. Here’s the post.

Here’s the original prompt.