Learned Helplessness and How to Unlearn It

Remember that feeling of being a kid, boundless energy and optimism, convinced you could climb mountains and paint the sky? Yeah, me neither. (Kidding, mostly.) But seriously, somewhere along the way, life throws curveballs, and suddenly, that can-do spirit can get replaced by a nagging “meh, what’s the point?” feeling. That, my friend, might be learned helplessness whispering its sweet nothings in your ear.

In psychology, learned helplessness is a state that occurs after a person has experienced a stressful situation repeatedly. They believe that they are unable to control or change the situation, so they do not try, even when opportunities for change are available.

They have “learned” that they are helpless in that situation and no longer try to change it, even when change is possible.

Learned helplessness, in a nutshell, is the belief that no matter what you do, things won’t change. It’s like that plant you keep forgetting to water, wilting away despite your best intentions (or lack thereof). It’s a cycle of perceived powerlessness, and it can suck the joy out of life faster than a rogue vacuum cleaner.

You can unlearn it and reclaim your inner can-do kid!

First, recognize the enemy.

• Negative self-talk: “I can’t,” “It’s pointless,” “What’s the use?” “They say it usually never works” These are your frenemies, disguised as helpful thoughts. Challenge them!
• Victim mentality: Feeling like you’re at the mercy of external forces? Take back the reins. You have more control than you think.
• Fear of failure: We all mess up, it’s part of the human experience. Embrace failure as a learning opportunity, not a dead end.

Now, unleash your inner warrior.

• Small steps, big impact: Don’t try to overhaul your life overnight. Start with tiny, achievable goals and celebrate each win.
• Focus on progress, not perfection: It’s okay to stumble, just keep moving forward. The journey is more important than the destination.
• Surround yourself with cheerleaders: Ditch the negativity and find people who believe in you and your potential.
• Celebrate others’ successes: Seeing others win can inspire you to chase your own dreams. Be a cheerleader, not a critic.
• Reframe challenges: See them as opportunities for growth, not roadblocks. Every hurdle makes you stronger.

Unlearning learned helplessness takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself. Keep believing in your ability to change.

Bonus tip: Write down your goals and aspirations. Seeing them on paper can make them feel more real and achievable. And hey, if you need a reminder, print it out, stick it on your mirror, and shout it at yourself every morning (optional, but highly encouraged). You got this!