Dead Fish Slap

Lazi day

I decided to write this post using auto dictate because well laziness

So let the chips fall where they may. Parentheses dammit it won’t let me put it (Mark to start one of my usual stream of consciousness comments within a comment. Oh) that was my reaction to the software actually putting in (mark)) oh wow this works. I’m so thrilled with technology because obviously it allows me to do even less. Let me get back to this article later because frankly I’m too lazy to do this. By the way if my entry wins I will not collect the six dollars as that would take too much effort. Snore ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ OK back from my nap where was I? Oh if you’re wondering about editing this article, that ain’t gonna happen either. That would require way too much effort and we are talking about laziness aren’t we? Return paragraph return

Wow

Return

So I was trying to figure out how do use the auto dictate to create a new paragraph

If I see if I say

I did it that time sometimes when you say

In the middle of a sentence well it seems to be doing it every time.

If you say those words to indicate do you want to have a new you know what come apparently it will just jump to the next you know what.

OK now I’ve got this thing mastered but unfortunately laziness and mastery our almost direct opposites. Actually there’s a better way to phrase that but I’m too lazy to think about it.

How are used enough words to qualify this for the contest? Because doing anything more than the absolute minimum would constitute a certain amount of ambition and Hardwork I’m at the last thing I wanna do today in the story for the story I might as well correct myself while I’m talking.

Big finale in bold type I said bold type face make it bold bold headline all right I apparently have not mastered using auto dictate so I have accomplish that goal to being lazy too lazy to master this particular skill. I would have liked to have given you a nice bold headline or subheadlinesTo wrap this thing up but it was not to be

THE end. THE END. That was pretty good I figured out how to use all caps to create a headline. The only thing is you have to say BEFORE each word you have to say ALL cabs dammit ALL CAPS in IN order to oh crap no I can’t get the words IN a sentence Ha ha ha. Let me try that again. If I stagger the use of the words all and caps maybe I can get that phrase into a sentence. Let me try again. In order to get the words in the all caps format, you have to pause long enough between the word all in caps if you want those words to show up. On the other hand, if you say VERY quickly that’s what happens. I hope you’ve learned a lot today I know I did, but it was fun so I don’t consider that work.

This was the fastest easiest article I’ve ever written. And why shouldn’t it be? I was trying to put in absolutely zero effort. If this gets 5000 fans, I will Never use effort again in my writing. Be careful what you wish for.

Thanks so much for this opportunity to express or should I say not express? My powers of laziness I have another very deep thought to add. Consider this: Hey that worked it gave me a call and when I said: can I actually say the word: do I need to put: Oscar be all right that was just bad auto dictate I was trying to say the word colonoscopy except make it a portmanteau of the word: and Oscar P it’s getting closer. I’m gonna try one more time: COLON I spelled it out spelled out each letter since the software would not let me say: ask a P add this is not working… Hey I got the… On the first try. OK here we go… Space and that didn’t work COLONOSCOPY OK I spilled it all out but it would not let me put a space between the two words.: Oscar P

If you could understand what I was trying to say my hats off to you OK he didn’t give me a contraction. Let’s try that 00 let’s try that my hats off to you my hat‘ S try it again my hat‘ S0 that’s as close as I could get two hats off using only my voice.

I will be asked extremely disappointed if this garbage oh wins the contest. On the other hand knowing how medium works why would I be surprised? Why should any of us be surprised? Open paragraph (now I can do one of my favorite things and drive Suzan crazy how I love parentheticals, But what happens if I don’t close parentheticals? Close parentheticals) OK I got the code now I got it broken down. () If I took long enough I could probably figure out how to do one of those little stick figures where the guy is holding up his hands like he doesn’t know what he’s doing but that would take away too much effort and this is all about making no effort. Thanks so much for this con

Lon Shapiro is happy to have gathered the necessary strength to offer this submission for the MWC.