Prizes! Bingo! Fame and Fortune!
The MuddyUm Writers’ Challenge
MWC for 2021/2022
Piracy has been maligned, romanticized and ignored.
But when it comes right down to it, isn’t satire a form of piracy?
Here we are announcing the newest Writers’ Challenge on MuddyUm!
Beginning on November 1st, 2021 and continuing on through December, 2022, we will begin publishing your MWC — MuddyUm Writers’ Challenge — entries. Each month there will be new topics. Anyone can participate, but you must be an accepted writer on MuddyUm and publish on MuddyUm. You must submit an article that is HUMOROUS. Read this post carefully to be clear on the rules. Any questions, leave in the comments for this post.
To kick this off for November, you can write to any or all of our four topics. These are:
- EXIT
- LIFE
- LAZINESS
- CLAUSTROPHOBIA
Tag your articles with MWC and the topic of your choice. Be sure to include at the bottom of your post, an imbedded link to this article so others may be invited to play along as well.
Each winner in a category will be featured in a newsletter. AND the Grand Prize winner will receive $6.00. We found this placement of the decimal point preferable and reasonable, and I want to thank Roz Warren for the inspiration.
AND, as a BONUS to kick off our year long contest, we will be playing BINGO! We have a BINGO card pre-filled with made up words. These words are courtesy of MuddyUm Outlaws. A special thanks for the generosity and creativity of these writers who easily imagined our vocabularic evolution: Nanci Arvizu, Mark Armstrong, Drew Patty, Hogan Torah, Alex Steullet, Sorcha Monk, Gary Chapin, the masterly verbose Steve Wyatt, Benu P Guragain, Andrew Rodwin, Anu Anniah, Tom Navratil, Tracy Stengel, Chris Eno McMahon, Janie Emaus, Lee Serpa Azevado and Robin Klammer. To you all who gave generously to advance the lexicon, please forgive me if I misrepresented the part of speech for the chosen words.
The master Bingo card will have 24 words and a free space. The master card will be stored and guarded by our auditors, and untampered with for the entire month of November.
Be sure to pick SEVEN to NINE words only, from this list. If you choose more than nine, your article will be disqualified for BINGO, but not for the contest overall. If you choose less than five, you may not be able to win BINGO. That’s just how BINGO works.
Here is the list of words and their definitions. Choose your favorites.
- Schmangie: adjective, yucky, cheap, dirty, not up to your standards
2. Davyjay: verb, to toss someone overboard, as in — The scalawag got davyjayed because he failed to read Mark Armstrong’s MuddyUm post. Dammit, he had it coming.
3. Freakidentally: adverb, the freaky thing that happened accidentally
4. Parayeetz: made up by Hogan Torah. I can’t get a straight answer out of him about its definition. Ask him.
5. Vilipendescent: adjective, A haughty individual who treats others with contempt.
6. Comparallel: to compare with another on the same level and direction.
7. Scag: a curse word when you’re unable to write the real thing. For example: Tradition can scag itself.
8. Serpillary: noun, An old monastic tool used to wipe excess wine off of seminary benches.
9. Quemandate: verb, to order someone to do something without a clear idea of what you’re ordering them to do in the first place
10. Fuzzling: adjective, Funny+puzzling
11. Lerp: verb, To hang back on the periphery, but in a vaguely threatening manner. Noun, a person prone to lerping
12. Acchobumbum: pronoun expletive, What you say when someone pulls away the chair you are about to sit on and you hit the ground!
13. Corniption: noun, an irrational suspicion that someone doesn’t get their own jokes
14. Izitme: noun, overly-aggressive humility
15. Flendipitus: pronoun, it’s something you want to be. The quality of being on the verge of greatness, or doom.
16. Sinnovation: noun, Finding new ways to do naughty things.
17. Uberty: noun, Uber for teenagers
18. Chinbecile: noun, An idiot who wears a face mask too low.
19. Gruber: noun, Granny who Ubers. Grubering: adverb, Granny in the act of.
20. Bignorant: adverb, When you’re ill-informed about a large issue.
21. S’morons: pronoun, Parents who get way too excited about eating s’mores.
22. Toetacles: noun, Really long toes
23. Turdles: noun, Obstacles in your way when you’re desperately rushing to a bathroom.
24. Exshitement: noun, When you get so excited you need a poo.
25. Errorist: noun, A co-worker who terrorizes you with their constant mistakes.
26. Fartisan: noun, A person who’s highly skilled at passing gas.
27. Piesexual: noun or adjective, A gender preference for pizza lovers
28. Punsexual: noun or adjective, A gender preference for punsters
29. Loco Parenthesis: expletive noun, Latin for getting your MuddyUm piece edited by Susan Brearley
30. Scrotesque: adjective, The appearance of most testicles.
31. Cinder: noun, A dating site for arsonists
32. Netflucked: adverb, How you feel after a late night of binge-watching.
33. Phallucy: adverb, When a man lies about his penis size.
34. Caveat temptor: expletive noun, Latin, When a warning is too tempting to resist. For example, when a waiter says “Careful, this plate is hot, so Caveat Temptor!”
35. Condesxclamation: noun, exclamation with a condescending tone.
36. Compactinization: noun, an extreme form of organizing to make your living space as minimalistic as humanly possible.
You may submit your posts into the MuddyUm queue between November 1st and November 30th. Judging will happen sometime in December and winners WILL be announced and prizes awarded by December 15th. BINGO winners will get some swag TBD from our MuddyUm Bootyque, and you will be obligated to take a photo of yourself using the swag and write a post about it, and if you don’t, you may have to walk the plank.
All articles must be published on MuddyUm. If you are not a writer for MuddyUm and want to join the contest, you must write to [email protected] to be added as a writer. It is helpful if you send along with your request, a cut and paste (please — not a link!) of the funniest paragraph you think you’ve ever written.
This contest will run monthly through December 31st, 2022. BINGO might happen in other months, but definitely not in December 2021. We will announce monthly reminders and any new rules, topics or special promotions a few days prior to the 1st of each month.
Good luck. Oh, and a celebrity panel of MuddyUm editors will be reading and voting on the Grand Prize $6.00 winner.
There is no obligation to play BINGO if you choose not to. You may submit as many entries as you like.
MuddyUm Below Deck
- Peruse the profiles of MuddyUm writers and editors here.
- Join us at the MuddyUm Comedy Camp and laugh till your jaws drop. 🤣
- Order MuddyUm merch from our Bootyque.
- To join our pirate ship crew and submit your humor writing, email Captain Susan Brearley at [email protected]