Great Jokes of the Western World — Justice and Finance

Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money

Having fun in the shark tank

Taken by surprise

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It’s okay. He woke up.

Pillow stalk

Here is the pledge I make to the person who stole my pillow. I will not rest until I find you.

Cut and dried

A policeman called into the base on his radio, “I’ve got a firearm death, Sarge. A little old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she’d just mopped.”

“Geez. Ah, okay. I’ll arrange for the body to be collected. Bring her in, and we’ll get a statement.”

“Right. Might take some time.”

“Why?”

“The floor’s still wet.”

I excel

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will never rest until I have tracked you down.

You have my Word.

Dogged persistence

Someone broke into the kennels at the police station and set all the dogs free. Police say they have several leads.

A brush with the law

A delivery truck from the wig factory was stolen, chased by the cops, rolled while trying to take a corner and spilled its load across the intersection.

The police are still combing the area.

Rims shot

There are a few criminals in my town that keep stealing wheels from parked police cars.

The cops are working tirelessly to catch the suspects.

In denial

I was going to invest in the Egyptian tourist industry. They were promising some really attractive returns. My accountant took a look and said no, not to waste my money. It was just a pyramid scheme.

Your lucky day

I’ll bet the gambling addiction hotline would get a lot more calls if every tenth caller was a winner.

Found my calling

A guy knocked on my door, and when I opened it, he held out a bag and said he was collecting donations for the poor.

“Well,” I said, shaking his hand, “here I am!”

Count me out

You know, if I had a cent for every time somebody’s called me obsessive, I’d have $5.37.

Britni

More fun: