Kevin Costner’s Divorce Is Proof Society Doesn’t Value Stay-At-Home Mothers

Costner upholds prenup despite 3 children and decades together

“It’s the one constant in life. You build something worth having, someone’s gonna try to take it,” — John Dutton, Yellowstone

Costner’s impending divorce has him guarding the ranch.

Fans are circling their wagons around their famed John Dutton. Maybe it’s the success of Yellowstone. The show has certainly reignited Costner’s stardom.

Who wouldn’t want to cheer on sexy John Dutton?

If I hadn’t spent a decade in the counseling and research of love, divorce, and relationships, sexy John would have me in his back pocket too.

But I’m gonna have to call him out.

I’ll just have to compartmentalize while he’s wearing that cowboy hat.

If you’re following the Costner divorce, the narrative has become pretty clear. Kevin Costner is being victimized. His wife refuses to move out of their $145 million home as per the 30 days stated in their prenup.

Costner is willing to give Baumgartner the $1.5 million the prenup states.

Costner wants their prenup upheld.

Despite three children and nearly two decades of marriage together.

Christine Baumgartner has lawyered up and put forth her divorce demands. They include a child support payment of $248,000 per month. She is also asking Costner to pay 100% of their children’s private school tuition, healthcare, and activities fees.

She is seeking joint custody.

The Costner’s children are ages 16, 14, and 13.

Kevin Costner’s income is listed at approximately $20 million annually.

Costner is willing to pay 100% of the children’s private school tuition, healthcare, and activities fees. He is also willing to pay $30,000 per month toward a rental home and $10,000 in moving costs.

He is asking for joint custody.

Baumgartner estimates in her divorce documents that Costner’s net worth at approximately $400 million. If you Google the actor’s worth it will say it’s approximately $250 million. That number is more than likely based on the five properties Costner owns totaling that approximate figure.

Thus, it’s probably the reason Baumgartner’s estimate is higher.

Big shocker…I don’t know Kevin Costner or Christine Baumgartner.

I don’t have a dog in this fight.

But I have written about divorce long enough to be fascinated by the general public and their perception of it. Especially, when it comes to stay-at-home mothers.

I write on multiple outlets.

A recent article on this topic brought numerous comments.

All were in favor of Kevin Costner.

The feeling was Costner is being taken advantage of by his soon-to-be ex-wife. She signed a prenup. She should vacate the home immediately and he doesn’t owe her anything.

It doesn’t stop there.

The perception of Baumgartner is she knew what she was getting herself into. She should stand on her own two feet. She’s being lazy and wants too much. She doesn’t work at all. She asked for a divorce.

The comments were brutal.

It was pro-Kevin Costner and anti-Christine Baumgartner.

It’s interesting how vehemently people choose sides in a divorce.

Whether they know the people. Whether they don’t the people. Whether it’s a celebrity couple. Whether they themselves have ever experienced a divorce or whether they haven’t.

The people who have experienced a divorce can be one extreme or the other.

They can either be bitter because of their own outcome or empathetic because they understand no divorce is created equal. No relationship is created equal. Men can behave badly in divorce and women can behave badly in divorce.

Bad behavior is not gender exclusive.

Divorce is sad, brutal, heartbreaking grief and no one wins.

The hope is that there can be some meeting of the minds. It’s not about a husband and wife any longer. It’s about the best possible transition and agreement for the children.

Ironically, the article I wrote was objective.

It wasn’t pro Costner or Baumgartner.

It was meant to meet somewhere in the middle.

But that’s not how it was viewed. It was seen as being sympathetic to Baumgartner. I said the prenup was a valid legal document. I said Baumgartner shouldn’t be entitled to Costner’s massive wealth.

I simply said that the truth should lie somewhere in between.

This wasn’t a fly-by-night relationship. They were together for two decades and married for 18 years. They have three children together. Yes, a prenuptial agreement was signed nearly two decades ago.

But is that a fair financial dissolution after all of these years?

Legally, yes because there’s a prenup.

Conscionably, I’m not sure.

One would think a man of such extreme wealth would want to be somewhat financially fair to the mother of his three children. Not just monetarily, but Costner wanted her out of the house within 30 days.

If you know anything about the family law system, it’s generally accepted that children do best remaining in their homes during the divorce transition. In the aforementioned reader’s comments, there wasn’t even empathy for the children.

It was the kids will be fine.

They can live with him. First of all, Costner travels months out of the year. And this isn’t one person’s opinion. The divorce system knows children do best at home during a divorce.

It gets them ready for their new ultimate reality which will be hard enough.

It’s sad to see society’s perception of divorce.

Because there aren’t sides, there are children.

This isn’t about Kevin Costner or his wife. It’s about two adults coming to the best possible resolution for their children.

While many are sympathetic to Costner, I found it surprising he needs to have a home base when he’s in town and immediately wants his home back. Rather than a father worried that his children have a home base during a terrible transition.

He’s going to get his home back when a divorce is finalized.

That’s a given because Baumgartner isn’t going to get his $145 million home.

Divorce is an inconvenience.

Just like Baumgartner will not have that wealth any longer, it’s not inconceivable that Costner also be inconvenienced during a divorce. It’s the nature of divorce.

You can’t have it all one way or all your way.

Divorce is a negotiation between two spouses.

Although Costner and many of his fans believe a prenup says otherwise. Again, legally it does. But is it fair all these years later? Is it the right thing to do? That document pre-dated three children and years of commitment.

Is Christine Baumgartner the typical stay-at-home mother?

Absolutely not.

She’s anything but that. She has a team of personal and household help. She has led a life of privilege. She won’t be able to have that lifestyle any longer.

But she was a stay-at-home mother who was primarily responsible for her children while their father worked. Whether she had help or didn’t have help.

I get it.

I get why society doesn’t understand women who have been out of the professional workplace for years. Because I used to be one of those women who judged other women for not being able to stand on their own immediately after a divorce.

I was raised by a single mother and I was on my own from a young age.

I thought women who needed financial support were taking advantage.

I am ashamed to say that now.

Life has a way of humbling us. We can judge people until we are put in their shoes. We can be opinionated and seemingly arrogant when we don’t experience what others experience.

We can fall down far enough to understand we need to help others up.

Sadly, there is one universal divorce perception of stay-at-home mothers.

They are lazy women who haven’t financially contributed.

They are women who have taken advantage of a man. They are women who didn’t do anything. That one confuses me the most because if a stay-at-home mother isn’t taking care of her children, someone is being paid to do so. And just because children hit their teenage years doesn’t mean a woman isn’t still working from home.

Those were some of my busiest years.

The schools, the community, and the charities are upheld by many of these stay-at-home mothers devoting hours that women who work outside the home are unable to.

I was fortunate in the years I raised my children.

I never met a stay-at-home mother who disparaged a mother who worked outside of the home. And I never met a mother who worked outside of the home that disparaged a stay-at-home mother.

The women I know were confident and allowed each woman their choice.

Why do I think Kevin Costner should be fair to his soon-to-be ex-wife?

Women don’t make these decisions alone.

The choice to be a stay-at-home mother is an intensely personal decision. It’s made to best suit the needs of that particular family. And guess what? Here’s the kicker?

The decision is not made alone.

A husband and a wife make that joint decision.

Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner made a decision for her to become a stay-at-home mother. Christine Baumgartner did not make that choice alone.

Interestingly, it was an agreed-upon relationship agreement.

Just like their prenuptial agreement.

It was made nearly two decades ago when their oldest child was born.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t a signed legal document.

This is the wake-up call for every single stay-at-home mother.

Celebrity or no celebrity.

Costner was smart enough to protect himself. Baumgartner was not. Costner leaned on legality. Baumgartner leaned on trust.

Women need to stop blindly going into becoming stay-at-home mothers. They need to start having self-protective instincts and boundaries. A large number of marriages fail. Women aren’t just protecting themselves, they are protecting their children.

I learned the hard way from my own arrogance and judgment.

That no divorcing woman (nor some divorcing men) should be judged.

I stayed in a marriage for too long and I stayed out of the professional workforce for too long. I now understand how difficult it is to rebuild your life after decades devoted to your family.

Every single stay-at-home mother should have a post-nuptial agreement.

Or you could end up like me, choosing to divorce a man who left you sitting in a kitchen with no food to feed your children. No health insurance to take them to the doctor and so much more.

Do I think Christine Baumgartner deserves to continue living as Costner does?

No.

But a good man does the right thing.

The two things aren’t mutually exclusive.

I don’t believe Baumgartner deserves everything or even something outrageous. But I do believe she deserves to be treated with equity, respect, dignity, and fairness.

I don’t think Costner deserves to be taken advantage of either.

Divorce shouldn’t be an excuse for abuse.

Divorce shouldn’t be a playground for unruly behavior.

Costner doesn’t have to give away the ranch to do right by his wife and children.

You can deal with the evil brutality of divorce and in the words of John Dutton, “Still love your family and enjoy a sunrise.”

“Learn to be meaner than evil, and still love your family and enjoy a sunrise.”—John Dutton Yellowstone

Divorce isn’t all or nothing.

It’s not a husband and a wife.

It’s not Costner and Baumgartner.

It’s children.

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