Humor

Keke’s Vacation at the Beach — Part 2

Lesson 38: Swim, Keke, swim!

Okay, so you know I like attention. Constant attention. Well, in part 1 of Keke’s Vacation at the Beach, I showed you a little of how I coerced my humans into giving it to me.

So, after two days (approximately 563 hours) of driving, we reached our destination. One of us was relaxed, and the other two were badly in need of a vacation. Which was what we came here for, right? I just helped prepare them for it.

Our destination was a giant house on the Outer Banks of North Carolina with enough rooms to accommodate the entire Kardashian family and their Spanx. The house was appropriately named “White Water Winds,” all of which were in abundance that week.

There were more stairs than I’d ever seen before. One, two, three, four… 134, 135, 136. And that was to reach the summit. Upon opening the front door, another wall of stairs promised to take us to the mountain peak. 137, 138, 139… 531, 532, 533.

The peak was populated with people, dogs, and children. A Swiss Mountain Dog named Wallace greeted me. He bore a close resemblance to the Budweiser Clydesdales and was roughly the same size. I expected to see a barrel of whiskey strapped to his neck. Instead, I was met by a giant tongue and massive nose that licked and sniffed everything that entered his mountain domain. It was some kind of rite of passage, so I closed my eyes and waited for him to complete his inspection. Finally, I was declared drug-free and allowed to pass.

There were two other dogs at the mountain retreat: an old black lab named Hank, who seemed to give me only a disinterested sniff, and a younger black lab named Logan, who was more territorial. I was urged to avoid him, which I initially did until I found out he had been warned to avoid me. So I followed him around, and he tried to get away, and I tried to keep up. Have you ever seen a 45-pound Labrador Retriever chased by a four-pound Biewer Terrier? It was tons of fun for all.

Over the next two days, I grew to love Wallace, who was a gentle, good-hearted dog who ate more food than the rest of the family combined and was the official pre-rinse cycle for the dishwasher. When he took a drink of water, it sounded like Niagara Falls emptying into a toilet bowl. I kept close to him because he was an excellent protective barrier; keeping track of his four paws was more manageable than tracking the 86 human feet threatening to step on me at every turn.

The following day, Mommy and Daddy took me for a walk on the beach. The ocean’s roar was so loud that I thought I was standing on the tarmac at an international airport. An ocean hurricane had passed a few days earlier. It produced enormous waves and dangerous rip tides, so there was no playing in the ocean for this puppy.

Instead, we returned to the house, where we found a group of grownups and kids playing in the pool. I use the word “grownups” liberally here because although they looked like grownups, they were a boisterous crowd. I longed to join in the frivolities. I watched with jealousy as Joe threw little Tommy into the air and yelled, “Belly flop!” and Tommy screamed with delight.

“Me next!” I thought. But I didn’t dare to approach the rambunctious group kicking up waves in the pool that were big enough to rival the ocean swell.

Finally, I got my chance. Everyone was out of the pool, with some talking in the nearby hot tub and Daddy watching from a nearby lounge chair. Mommy had left the pool area, so I seized the opportunity, ran to the poolside, and jumped. “Belly flop!” I yelled, then hit the water.

It sounded like a lot more fun when Tommy did it. Suddenly, I was immersed in deep, cold water and couldn’t breathe. I looked down and watched as dolphins and loggerhead turtles swam below me.

I had seen Logan swimming, so I knew dogs could swim, but I had never attempted it myself. Paddling hard, I managed to get my face to the surface and gasp for air. I wondered how long I could keep it up when I felt a friendly dolphin lift me from below.

That’s no dolphin! That’s my sister Kim, who jumped in the pool and carried me to safety.

I was shaking from the cold, and it was difficult to breathe.

I heard Mom call from the deck above, “Put her in the hot tub to warm up,” and Kim handed me off to someone else. It was SO WARM.

But wait, they want me to swim again! So I swam. Straight for the nearest ladder, which was cousin Carly. Her bathing suit had plenty of handholds, and before she knew it, I was out of the water and perched like a bicycle helmet on top of her head.

She got the hint that I was more in favor of terra firma than terror fluid and moved to the tub’s edge. She spent the next five minutes extricating and detangling my claws from her hair.

Soon, it was time to leave the beach and head home. We were hugging everyone goodbye when I realized Hank, Logan, and Wallace were not there. I made a break for it and counted the 533 stairs to the mountain retreat. Whew! But there was Wallace, waiting for me at the top of the stairs, and we said our tearful goodbyes.

Mommy and Daddy finally found me and put me in the car. Wait, they’re both sitting in the front and leaving me alone in the back. We covered this in my last lesson, remember? You can’t leave me alone, and I will ensure you remember as soon as I (yawn) close my eyes for a few minutes.

Five minutes later, I opened my eyes and yelped, “I’m all alone back here!”

“Well, look at who finally woke up,” Daddy said, looking back at me. “Perfect timing.”

Perfect for what? I sniffed and found the familiar smells of home. We were pulling into our garage.

Well, never mind. I guess they’re off the hook this time.

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