Keep the Plug in the Jug
Say what you mean, mean what you say, and watch your dern mouth.
Previously, It Is What It Is.
“Jr,” Mable shouted, “How man times have I told you to keep the plug in the jug? Now the milk is full of flies.”
“I don’t know how many times you tole me,” Jr answered. “How many times?”
“I don’t know how many,” Mable grumbled, “a lot.”
“Why’d you think I’d know?” Jr replied.
“I didn’t think you’d know,” Mable groaned.
“Then why’d you ask?” Jr questioned.
“Just get out of the house,” Mable shouted as Jr scurried towards the door. “I don’t even want to see you.” Jr went out to the north pasture and started throwing rocks to get in shape for the next county rock throwing contest. Despite being the hands down winner every year for the last five years Jr believed practice makes perfect. Besides, Jr loves throwing rocks.
Except for throwing rocks, Jr was having a really bad day. It seemed as if everything he did went south in a hurry. Of course, Jr wasn’t the only one having a bad day, so was Mable. A few hours later Mable walked to the back porch and shouted, “Jr, I don’t reckon you’d come in here and take out the garbage?”
“Nope,” Jr answered, “I won’t.”
“Fine,” Mable shouted as she went back inside to get the garbage. “I’ll just do it my durn self.”
The next morning Mable asked, “You wouldn’t move the Davenport sos I could sweep behind it?”
“Nope,” Jr answered, “I wouldn’t move the Davenport.” Then he walked over to the east pasture and started throwing rocks. Mable watched him from the window shaking her head. Her patience was growing thin.
A few days later while carrying in wood for the fireplace Mable asked, “I guess you wouldn’t split some more firewood, we’re almost out.”
“No Maw,” Jr replied, “I wouldn’t split more firewood.” He again walked off and began throwing rocks across the west field. Mable was at her wits end.
That afternoon, when Earnest came in from selling produce in town Mable confronted him, “Earnest, you have got to do something about that boy.”
“What’s he done now?” Earnest asked in earnest.
“Not anything!” Mable shouted. “He won’t do anything.”
“Well,” Earnest asked, “What hasn’t he done?”
“He refused to take out the garbage, move the Davenport, and just this morning he refused to split any wood,” Mable answered angrily. “I’ve had it with that boy.”
“Okay,” Earnest softly spoke motioning with his hands, “I’ll go have a talk with him right now. Any idea where he’s at?”
“Last I saw him he was throwin’ rocks in the west field,” Mable grumbled.
It took Earnest almost an hour to find Jr. When he finally did he shouted across the field, “Jr, come here. I need to talk to you.”
“Yes, Sir,” Jr shouted dropping a rock to the ground and running straight across the field to where Earnest was standing. “What you want to talk about?”
“Your Momma says you won’t do as you’re told,” Earnest confronted him.
“I do everythin’ Maw tells me to,” Jr answered. “This mornin’ she tole me I wouldn’t split no firewood so I didn’t. ‘Afore that she tole me I wouldn’t move the Davenport so I didn’t.”
“And afore that?” Earnest asked.
“She reckoned I wouldn’t take out the garbage…” Jr answered.
“And I reckon you didn’t take out the garbage,” Earnest interrupted.
“No Sir,” Jr answered, “Not iffin she don’t want me to.”
Earnest could see Jr was being honest and telling the truth so he said, “Don’t worry, Son, I think I’ve got it all figured out. I’ll go talk to your momma.”
A few minutes later Earnest walked back into the house saying, “I talked to Jr.”
“And,” Mable asked, “what’s the problem?”
“It’s your fault,” Earnest said.
“What do you mean it’s my fault?” Mable shouted.
“You been tellin’ him what not to do instead of what to do.” Earnest answered.
“What in tarnation?” Mable shouted. “Just how is that my fault?”
“Well it was you what made him go to that remedial English class last week,” Earnest answered. “They done taught the boy grammar. Now you got to learn it too.”
Please continue with Dishes.
