Juggling Motherhood, Writing, and Self-Care

Finding the time to try and do it all

Key word, TRY. That’s all we can do, am I right?

If you’re a parent or a stay-at-home parent like me, then you understand how demanding it can be to be a full-time parent most days.

Ok no, EVERY DAY.

It involves handling a stream of little tasks all day long that seem never-ending — meeting all of their needs to keep them alive, finding time to play with them so they won’t feel neglected, making time to get some sun and fresh air not just for them but also for yourself, and finding little moments to take care of yourself for your own sanity.

There are days when I don’t even realize I’ve been in my pajamas all day or forget to eat, only to find myself wondering why I have an excruciating headache.

It’s all normal, and I promise you’re not alone.

It took me a while to gather my thoughts, and then another while to focus on my needs and wants.

Negative self-talk sneaks in at times, and I can’t help but feel so down about myself. Until one day, I just peeled open my laptop, started writing, and hit “publish”.

It wasn’t even scary — the scariest part was taking forever to start and making a bunch of excuses.

I needed to push myself and write. Not for anyone but for myself.

Granted, I edited it multiple times after I published my first story, but it felt so good to finally get it out there.

At that point, I didn’t care about what people would say about my writing, my grammar, or tone, I just needed to find that space to let my creative juices flow.

In order to do a little bit each day of what makes me feel alive, productive, and a little bit like myself, I had to make a few changes. I needed to shift my perspective and mentality on certain things to avoid becoming a nagging, miserable person and be more present in the moment, a fun-loving mother and partner instead.

What were those changes?

I established a routine.

Kids thrive on routine and so do I, so I set aside a specific block of time everyday dedicated to writing. For me, that’s after my son’s bedtime, usually anytime after 8 pm.

If I’m not too drained by the end of the day.

Some people prefer early in the morning before their kids wake up, or during their 2 — 3 hour nap. I know it’s easier said than done, but consistency and sticking to the schedule that best suits you and your family make progress.

When my son takes his naps I want to fit so many things into that small window — workout, shower, make lunch, eat, clean the house, write, read a book — umm yea, that’s not realistic.

I tackle some of those things progressively throughout the day, not at a specific time, and that’s okay too.

I enlist support.

When I became a mom, I never thought that in my 34 years I would be so afraid to ask for help. I’ve always been the independent type of person who would say, “I got it, thanks!”

My pride didn’t allow me to ask for help because I believed it would make me seem weak. Wrong! There is absolutely nothing weak about asking for a little break when I know damn well I deserve it.

While hiring a babysitter or exploring daycare options a few days a week is not my cup of tea at the moment, I have asked my partner and family for help.

Having them watch my son for a few hours, providing me with uninterrupted time to focus on my own self-care, is so satisfying, especially considering my family doesn’t live nearby.

I don’t have a “village.”

I embrace the small pockets of time.

Even short bursts of writing can add up over time.

I use those opportunities when my son is engaged in independent play to catch up on my reading, brainstorming what I want to write about, or even applying a quick face mask while enjoying some alone time.

Everyday is different.

Some days are tougher or easier than others, and not every day goes according to the “routine,” but it’s important for me to find a balance between my writing goals, spending quality time with my son or my partner, and planning a night out with a friend or family member.

That’s my definition of self-care these days.

I try to be patient with myself while savoring the special moments with my son on this journey as he’s only one and a half. Each day brings its own mix of ups and downs, and I’m here for it all.

Thank you for reading.

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