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Abstract

e with this constant fear that creeps up whenever I decide to get in the car with my son.If the trip is more than ten minutes away, I’m already thinking of the worst-case scenario — dark, scary, unimaginable things that you don’t want to know about, and I’m too ashamed to write them down and speak them into existence to be honest. They are unwanted and distressing mental images.Apparently, over half of first-time mothers report having intrusive thoughts as a common symptom of postpartum depression. They are considered a normal part of postpartum adjustment and do not suggest harmful intentions or actions.Seriously, these thoughts can sometimes cloud my mind and hold me hostage. They are often related to the well-being of the baby but do not reflect a person’s true desires.I wish they didn’t stop me from doing things with my kid. Even writing about it infuriates me, making me feel guilty and sometimes anxious.If I’m honest, I miss the ability to get up and go like I used to, seek local and faraway adventures, be fearless and daring without thinking twice. That was the old me.I don’t want fear to overcome me. I’m tired of p

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itying myself and shedding tears over things I shouldn’t even be thinking about.All I can do is overcome those thoughts with positivity, remember to breathe, give myself grace, and hold space for other first-time moms who feel the same way I do because it’s okay — it’s going to be okay.Some moms don’t even attempt to leave the house with their babies at all, not even for a walk. This is one of those things that is rarely talked about, and I can’t help but feel vulnerable about it, having a sensitive spot for those mothers who go through it similarly or even far worse than I do.Intrusive thoughts are very common, and they are a treatable aspect of mental health. It’s something that continuously gets better with time in my experience and with the help of others, including professional support.Tears and all, I see you mama.Thank you for reading.To access more of my stories and stay connected, please consider <a href="/subscribe/@darlenelpez">subscribing</a> to my email list. If you enjoy Medium, you can use my <a href="/@darlenelpez">affiliate link</a> to sign up for only $5 a month.</article></body>

Intrusive Thoughts During Motherhood

Postpartum depression sucks.

Fifteen-months postpartum here.

It’s definitely gotten better.

It’s all about finding that sweet spot between handling intrusive thoughts and embracing self-discovery and unconditional love.

It’s a long rollercoaster of emotions, I know.

And since becoming a stay-at-home mom, these thoughts of “not being enough” or “not doing enough” intensify from time to time, and I really despise them.

Sometimes I cry out of frustration, anger, loneliness, feeling misunderstood, enveloped in fear, and experiencing loss, all at the same time — unlike myself.

The thing is, I know life is good. It could be much worse, and I consider myself utterly blessed, to say the least.

I thought having a car would change things, and although it has, I live with this constant fear that creeps up whenever I decide to get in the car with my son.

If the trip is more than ten minutes away, I’m already thinking of the worst-case scenario — dark, scary, unimaginable things that you don’t want to know about, and I’m too ashamed to write them down and speak them into existence to be honest. They are unwanted and distressing mental images.

Apparently, over half of first-time mothers report having intrusive thoughts as a common symptom of postpartum depression. They are considered a normal part of postpartum adjustment and do not suggest harmful intentions or actions.

Seriously, these thoughts can sometimes cloud my mind and hold me hostage. They are often related to the well-being of the baby but do not reflect a person’s true desires.

I wish they didn’t stop me from doing things with my kid. Even writing about it infuriates me, making me feel guilty and sometimes anxious.

If I’m honest, I miss the ability to get up and go like I used to, seek local and faraway adventures, be fearless and daring without thinking twice. That was the old me.

I don’t want fear to overcome me. I’m tired of pitying myself and shedding tears over things I shouldn’t even be thinking about.

All I can do is overcome those thoughts with positivity, remember to breathe, give myself grace, and hold space for other first-time moms who feel the same way I do because it’s okay — it’s going to be okay.

Some moms don’t even attempt to leave the house with their babies at all, not even for a walk. This is one of those things that is rarely talked about, and I can’t help but feel vulnerable about it, having a sensitive spot for those mothers who go through it similarly or even far worse than I do.

Intrusive thoughts are very common, and they are a treatable aspect of mental health. It’s something that continuously gets better with time in my experience and with the help of others, including professional support.

Tears and all, I see you mama.

Thank you for reading.

To access more of my stories and stay connected, please consider subscribing to my email list. If you enjoy Medium, you can use my affiliate link to sign up for only $5 a month.