LEADERSHIP
Journey Through Reading: Dare to Lead (Day 1)
How do my life experiences resonate with the guru— Brené Brown?
Introduction
I am an avid reader, I try to live the books that I read. It helps me resonate better, and I plan to reflect upon my leadership journey bit by bit — as I read through Brené Brown’s masterpiece Dare to Lead.
On Day 1, I sat down and slowly introduced myself to the book. What better way to do so than interacting with the author herself through A Note from Brené?
It’s not the critic who counts.
The epigraph of Daring Greatly is this quote from Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again…who at best knows in the end triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.¹
During my first year in the Navy, the Man in the Arena quote was drilled into our minds every day — we had to learn it verbatim. At first, I was puzzled at the need to memorize a quote. But soon our squad became the embodiment of the Man in the Arena! The spirit instilled then, remains within me to this day.
This quote has always lifted my spirits when I have been down and out — mauled by the circumstances and eaten alive by the wolves. This was especially helpful when I transitioned from the military to the corporate sector.
Every day, I was told how and why I was a misfit. I faced a lot of criticism and even some hate from detractors. The Man in the Arena kept me going. I fell a thousand times, and yet each time I picked up the pieces and kept going.
If you choose courage, you will know failure.
…the only thing I know for sure after all of this research is that if you are going to dare greatly, you’re going to get your ass kicked at some point. If you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage. That’s why it’s so rare.²
Dreaming big has always been a part of my personality. I had to fail twice before getting accepted into the Navy.
During one of my tours, one failure after another struck our division. It got to the point where our spirits were dampened, and we felt we needed some motivation.
It came from an unlikely quarter! One day after the watch, the Captain of the ship summoned me to his cabin. I went to see him with dread, knowing that I was about to get my ass handed to me because of our poor performances.
On the contrary, the Captain spoke to me very calmly, “Son I have seen your folks have been struggling a little of late. Every time I hear that one of you mucked up, it becomes clear that you guys are not giving up. You can look the failure in the eye! Whenever you dare to achieve something, you will trip many times during the journey. I am happy that your division is not scared of a rendezvous with failure on your path to success!”
Taming the VUCA
The courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it’s about the courage to show up when you can’t predict or control the outcome.³
Our environment — business or otherwise — is characterized by Vulnerability, Uncertainty, Complexity, and Ambiguousness (VUCA). A good leader can navigate through this fog and arrive at the desired destination.
Leadership is about filling the blank silos of information with sound judgment to predict the outcome. For that to happen, one must be willing to venture into the wild without any maps or supplies.
In the corporate sector, whether you are meeting a discreet client, establishing a new business connection, or buying a stock, each occasion requires taming the VUCA. The first step always is the willingness to face the unknown!
Picture the audience naked — no it’s not the obvious one!
My strategy is the take on the classic “picture the audience naked” trick. Rather than picturing naked people sitting in auditorium chairs,…I picture people without the armor of their titles, positions, power, or influence. When I spot a woman in the audience who has her lips pursed and her arms tightly folded across her chest, I picture what she looked like in third grade. If I’m hooked by the guy who keeps shaking his head and making comments like ‘Winners aren’t weak at work,’ I try to picture him holding a child or sitting with his therapist.
Before I go on stage, I whisper the word ‘people,’ three or four times to myself. “People, People, people, people.’⁴
I am in the people’s business. My job includes pitching proposals to executives, higher-ups, and decision-makers. It can be pretty daunting and lonely.
But I always remember that no matter how tough and unreachable they might seem, they are people like you and me.
The first time I reported on a ship, I was scared and nervous. I was coming face to face with people who had years worth of sea experience. They seemed super tough, locked on, and focused — almost like robots or machines.
I was able to connect with them by constantly reminding myself that these were people. They were someone’s mother, father, sister, daughter and son.
Are you being heard loud and clear?
Are the words and images pulling us together or pushing us apart? Are they recognizing their experiences in my stories? People make very specific faces when they’re hearing something that rings true for them. They nod and smile and sometimes cover their faces with their hands. When it’s not landing, I get the side tilt.⁵
The first time I spoke to some clients, I thought I had accomplished a marvelous task. I had shared with them so many bright ideas and possibilities.
There was a reality check during the Q & A. I kept getting asked questions that I thought I had already covered during my presentation.
Turns out that I was not studying my audience to see if we were on the same page. I did not pay attention to see whether they were still interested in what I was saying or if had I lost them somewhere along the way.
Ever since, I am always on the lookout, observing whether I am engaging with my audience or not. Are they hearing my message loud and clear or is it lost on them?
Postscript
The message in the submission guidelines resonated with me deeply and gave me the confidence to write this article.
Let me know in the comments if any of these leadership experiences resonate with you.
I would love to connect here: Chaudhry Writes.||LinkedIn||Instagram||
If you like, we can share a cup of coffee here: Tee Ess Chaudhry (buymeacoffee.com)
References
1. Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. New York, Random House, 9 Oct. 2018, pg. xviii. 2. P. xix 3. Pg. xviii 4. Pg. xii 5. Pg. xii