Job Hunting When I Have Anxiety

Job hunting used to send me into a panic spiral, but now it’s an opportunity for me to present my best self confidently

The thought of having to search for a job used to send me into a panic spiral. Shallow breathing. Tension in my body. The critical inner voices would come all at once, “What if I never find a job that fits me? What if I don’t get the right credentials for any job? What if no one calls me back for an interview? What if I’m the last one to find a job? That’s so embarrassing! What if I get paid very little at the job?” I was captive in a binding panic that wouldn’t subside. It got marginally better when I was able to calm myself down, but it was always there as low-grade panic. I could barely function. The panic about the job search took up all of the space in my head. Some nights it was difficult to sleep. My thoughts were just caught in a vortex of doubts and fears.

I started to realize that the job search anxiety I experienced was a recurring and debilitating phenomenon. After this happened over and over, I realized it was not normal. There are endless articles online about navigating the job hunting process, but when I Googled “job hunting with anxiety,” I only found one. I can’t be the only person experiencing anxiety while job hunting. But perhaps everyone else who experienced it like me thought it was just a normal part of the process. After all, everyone gets at least a little nervous when interviewing. But it was likely a more nerve-wracking and harrowing experience for those with anxiety. I decided to detail my experiences to process them and help others who may face similar challenges.

The anxious mind is stuck in the future, creating false stories that are not based on reality. They are based on impossible situations and worst-case scenarios and know no such thing as trust, luck, or good fortune. The way to counter this is by staying in the moment. — Allison Edwards

The first time I looked for a job out of college was a big nightmare. My father put a lot of pressure on me to find a job before I graduated. They constantly asked questions about what I was going to do after college. They added to my anxiety like they usually do. My dad was pushing me to join his company or a few others in our neighborhood. I faced pressure to take a job he thought was appropriate for me and to do it immediately, and I found myself being pushed down a path I didn’t choose. It was incredibly frustrating for me.

My father also seemed to expect it to happen immediately like magic. He didn’t acknowledge that the economy was in the gutter and jobs were hard to come by at the time. What he was demanding of me was highly unfair, especially as he made it feel like it was my fault that I had not found a job yet after graduation. I was applying to jobs constantly. I must have submitted 40 job applications. Yet, he didn’t acknowledge my effort, only focusing on the results. He was unforgiving and rigid in his expectations. I felt suffocated, verbally abused, and like my needs were invisible.

It was very unfortunate that my father was so urgent and he applied that pressure on me. He was feeling anxious about whether I’d be able to find a good job and he heavily projected his anxiety on me. It sent me many wrong messages about myself and how I was doing. Job hunting takes time and a lot of it is beyond our control. I wish that I had the luxury of taking my time without all the external pressure the first time around. It would have made all my subsequent job searches easier. I also could have used words of encouragement when I did land an internship. They were great stepping stones that ended up helping me land great jobs afterward. Unfortunately, the feedback I got was that these internships didn’t pay enough. Translation: you’re not good enough.

Job hunting was another case of feeling alone in my struggles because I didn’t get support from my parents and was too scared to share it with friends. I was afraid that everyone else knew what they were doing and were way ahead of me. I was embarrassed at my lack of progress at the time, especially because I was so far behind according to my parents. Sharing my experiences with friends along the way would have been helpful back then. I could have had a kinder and more understanding point of view and people to trade ideas with. If I had shared it with others, I would be aware of the economic and realize that it was not my fault that my job hunt was challenging. It would have helped to know everyone was going through the same struggles as me.

I was also not familiar with many career paths at the time besides those of doctors, engineers, lawyers, and business owners. Nor did I know much about the job application process. Thus, the prospect of interviewing and taking aptitude tests was a big scary unknown for me. I was extremely nervous before each interview. I saw job hunting as an evaluation of myself as a person when it was not; it is simply an evaluation of whether I was a job fit for the job that I was applying for. I had the unconscious notion that there was something inherently wrong with me due to all the criticism I received at home. Thus, I was just waiting for someone to shout at me for making a mistake. Of course, I realize now that there’s no target on my back. No one is waiting to criticize me. Interviewers are just trying to find the best match between the needs of a job and the profile of the candidate.

Back then, I didn’t know where I wanted to work or how my interests translated into a job so I cast a wide net. But this added to my anxiety because it seemed there were so many choices, yet none a good match for me. I went to information sessions put on by my university’s career center to learn about some openings. I felt so intimidated and lost when faced with so many unfamiliar choices. I heard of consultant jobs and case interviews for the first time. It was an unpleasant shock to realize that many people had been preparing for them for months before hiring season and I did not even know about it until hiring season was already underway.

If I could counsel my younger self, I would tell her to not worry about what everyone else was doing and focus only on myself. I went to twenty information sessions with twenty companies, but there were only one or two that were relevant to me. I could have gone to those two and skipped the rest. I would have saved myself a lot of anxiety if I didn’t try to keep up with people who were pursuing paths that were not of interest to me anyway. With all the extra time and energy I would have save, I could have been able to spend more time with friends and extracurricular activities. I wouldn’t have let the prospect of finding a job overshadow my senior year in college and take away much of my enjoyment of it.

The negative first experience continued to affect my job hunting performance for many years. My job search process was bogged down by some bad habits and fears of rejection. I often lost confidence during different parts of the job-hunting process. For example, in the middle of a job application, I would decide that the job description sounded too intimidating and I questioned whether I could do the job. Sometimes I would abandon job applications part way without submitting them. In other cases, I would lose confidence in myself in the middle of a job interview after being asked a difficult question. I would doubt whether I answered it well. Sometimes I struggled with the question visibly in front of interviewers. Then I would rush through the rest of my answers, missing my chance to save my performance after some moments of hesitation. I would end up leaving a less positive impression than I could have.

Finally, years later, I realized that I didn’t have to fumble through job hunting in a mess. I didn’t have to panic when I was faced with an Excel or writing sample test. I can turn the page on this bad memory and approach my work search in a calm and orderly fashion. I can go through the process while maintaining my balance and remaining well-rested. After a lot of internal work to change the negative self-talk in my head, I was able to adapt several effective coping mechanisms to combat my anxiety and state of panic. One of the biggest things I did was put a boundary around the time I spent on job hunting. For example, I dedicated three or four hours on Mondays checking job postings and applying. Then I did my best to not work on it the rest of the week (unless I was called for an interview). This way, I limited the time I spent worrying about it and was able to maintain mental balance. I was less likely to become discouraged if I was rejected as well.

With more calm, I also had more confidence. I was able to overcome my habit of abandoning applications. I was able to finish and submit almost all the applications I started. Thus, I upped my chances of getting called back by companies. I even managed to whittle down my time spent per application to between 15 to 30 minutes. I did it by reusing the same resume and cover letter for most companies, changing only job titles and company names. It worked because I was more focused on the type of role I was applying for, so my resume and cover letter contained most of the keywords that were relevant to the positions I wanted.

To calm my nerves before interviews, I started going for short 30 to 45 minute runs beforehand if it was possible. It helped me burn off excess nervous energy so I was not as fidgety during the interview. The endorphins in my bloodstream helped with my thinking. I was able to maintain confidence throughout interviews, even if I hesitated for a few moments when faced with an unexpected or difficult question. I still get nervous during interviews, but I get through it pretty well and manage to not take it too seriously. I knew that I had many chances even if the current roles I was interviewing for did not work out. With this sense of calm, I was even able to crack some jokes with the interviewers to keep the mood light.

Another great confidence-boosting exercise is writing down all my previous accomplishments. I remember and relive all the times I was confident and successful. By remembering each of these times, I remind myself of the obstacles I had overcome before. I remind myself of all the jobs I landed before and the promotions I got which are a testament to the quality of my work. I also think of all the people who helped me with great tips along the way. By being grateful to them, I realize that it’s not so scary out there and most people want me to succeed.

I see job hunting now as an opportunity to match my skills with a need at a company. It’s not an evaluation of my acceptability as a human being. If I get rejected, it’s not evidence that I’m worthless. It means my skills and the company’s needs didn’t match at the time. As with everything, when things go smoothly and there is a feeling of “flow,” it is usually the right thing. I have seen in the past when I applied for the positions that are a good fit, I usually don’t have to do too much work and it works out. I’m generally happy with the job and the company. It doesn’t feel like trying to fit a square into a circle. When I’m in flow, it seems like more companies are interested in me than I even have time to meet! Now that’s a great feeling.

My parents did try to do what they can by being supportive. They offered general advice when they could. My father once reminded me that there is an element of luck involved in job hunting. He told me to not blame myself so much if it took some time to find the right job. I appreciated those comments, especially as it was the one positive thing he said among a hundred negative statements. The biggest proud moment I can remember from him is when I got my job offer letter from a company he recommended. It was a stable, career position with great benefits. He was so proud and excited for me. I think he was also quite relieved that I was setting myself up for a path of financial stability and that his years of hard work putting me through college had paid off.

When I think about it, I realize it’s quite amazing that my parents were able to raise kids (my brother and me) who could navigate the Western corporate landscape that they knew nothing about. My father and mother never held office jobs. They are not familiar with the job-hunting process in America except for what they hear from their friends. Yet, they were able to raise kids who were able to navigate that process and could hold down steady jobs. I think that’s quite a big accomplishment and a testament to the great job they did in preparing my brother and me as best as they knew how.