Shit You Don’t Know

Jesus Was No Christian

And blood is blue, right?

Ask the person next to you: Was Jesus a Christian?

I bet you a fistful of dollars, they’ll say something like: ‘Er, yeah, I think so.’

Wrong answer.

When Jesus was born there was no such thing as Christianity. Or Islam. The only religion of the day was Judaism. Jesus was born Jewish and was 100% Jewish. But tell most people that, and they’ll laugh at you.

‘Of course he wasn’t Jewish. He was a Christian.’

But how could he be. Christianity didn’t appear until well over a hundred years after his death, when it was no more than a religious sect worshipped by a few whacked-out monks and hippies.

This is the truth. Google it!

I’m only writing this because up until a few days ago, I also believed in something that wasn’t true. I believed blood was blue.

‘Wow! Phil! What school did you go to, the Happy Farm? Are you a Christian?’

I’m actually not. But it’s true, I really believed blood was blue, because years and years ago, someone told me that blood only turns red when it’s exposed to oxygen. Inside the body, it’s blue.

Having a scientific mind, I concluded — without actually checking — that this might be possible. Why not? I knew Phenol when exposed to oxygen changes from a colourless liquid to red.

And as you never see the colour of blood inside a human body until the blood is spilt, it seemed to make perfect sense. I could almost imagine the disciples staring at a bloodied Jesus on the cross, and thinking: Mmm, that’s probably due to Haemoglobin oxidation.

Look at your hands or arms for Christ’s sake. The veins are blue. Look at this picture.

Pretty blue to me!

OK, so I was wrong. But for nearly 25 long years, I carried with me this false notion that blood was blue. And here’s the thing, during my reign of ignorance, I convinced other people as well.

It was only when I found out that my belief was total rubbish (it’s to do with the blue light waves reflected back at you more than red ones) that I realized how religions, cults, and sects work.

Somewhere on the planet, there is a group of people who believe blood is blue because the Lord told them it was true.

That Lord is me.

True, there are probably none of my disciples left, if there were any in the first place, as I told most people my revelation in the pub, so they probably forgot by the morning. But it’s terrifying to learn at first-hand how lies spread. Even something as absurd as blood is blue, or that Jesus is the son of God.

It’s amazing how much stuff we think is true but isn’t. How about The Great Wall of China. Name me one fact about this great wonder of the world?

‘Er, you can see it from space.’

Utter garbage. You can’t. It’s impossible.

These images were taken from the space station with a powerful zoom lens, and the wall is just visible.

This is the Great Wall of China from about 200 metres.

It’s quite narrow, isn’t it? Much narrower than the eight-lane M1 motorway in the UK that goes from London all the way up to Leeds. And I’ve never heard anyone say. ‘Oh, you can see the M1 from space.’

Another pile of baloney is that a penny falling from the Empire State Building can make a 6-foot hole in the ground. I remember our geography teacher at school telling us that.

Why didn’t someone stand up and say, ‘Excuse me, Sir, but do you have any actual evidence for that? Have you tried it?’

No one did, because we were too scared. So we all went round believing this stupid fact, and a million others like them.

The coin fact is total bollocks. A penny will reach a maximum velocity of about 30-50 mph depending on wind resistance. Not enough to dent the concrete, let alone make a six-foot hole in it.

Yet once again, you see how insidious false information is. How it gets passed on from dumb school teacher to dumb schoolchild. Who then passes it on to another dumb schoolchild, and before you know it, you’ve got religion, war, death, suffering, famine, pestilence, and some poor hippie nailed to a cross. How unfair is that!

Thanks for reading this fact-defying piece. For more lies, check out these pieces below.

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