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Abstract

ral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Roland Denes</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/HnIt4A_3E28?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a>)</figcaption></figure><p id="c4e8">Did she have a stroke halfway through cropping her photo, and slump forward onto her mouse?</p><p id="b046">I know what you’re saying.</p><p id="7c1d">‘It’s alright for you, Phil, with your pretty boy good looks. We can’t be all so perfect. Some of us are born ugly.’</p><p id="ed26">That’s not actually me. It’s a model.</p><p id="f700">This is me</p><figure id="3ef5"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*D-J_9wdYUk06e4eJEGKxHg.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/es/@tmdpw?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Tim De Pauw</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/tired?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="9fa4">I’ve let things go. It’s writing on Medium. It’s fucked me up. I don’t go out anymore, and I can barely walk to the store to grab myself another stack of ribs and a crate of beer. I look like the leg fetish guy above. But at least I don't have to wear a mask any longer.</p><p id="c48f">Unlike these guys.</p><figure id="8ff2"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*0rglDY-Ydh3pGdZl37zakA.jpeg"><figcaption>(Image/<a href="https://pixabay.com/fr/users/bakjow-20184111/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=5989927">미정 이</a>/Pixabay)</figcaption></figure><p id="8e45">Not just a couple profile picture. But a couple profile picture with masks. Why would you do this? You can’t get covid over the internet. I’m not going to electronically breathe over you!</p><p id="8c58">And if that was bad. How about these two.</p><figure id="39d9"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*FwW0gkAzyzFy_2QdX-ly6w.png"><figcaption>(Photo by Mikhail Nilov/Pexels)</figcaption></figure><p id="9450">These kinds of people hurt my eyes just looking at them.</p><p id="142e">As do the wackos flogging crystals, tarot cards and maps of Atlantis. Check this guy out!</p><figure id="52e7"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*DEWVy5MJHHopsmDsbzLLCQ.jpeg"><figcaption>(Self-portrait/<a href="https://medium.com/@justinpbrown71">justinbrown71</a>)</figcaption></figure><p id="ab83">Merlin’s dead, mate!</p><p id="0753">Then there’s the dog brigade. The turds who think it’s fine to post a picture of their dog and call it Mike.</p><figure id="a53e"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*HdIRP2Zxpz9pE3gv1Ga4VA.jpeg"><figcaption>(Image/Pexels/Pixabay)</figcaption></figure><p id="dee1" type="7">I’m Mike. I’m a retired IT consultant. Dog lover.</p><p id="298d">I don’t care. Pi

Options

ss off.</p><p id="8a10">Then you have the plain fucking weird.</p><figure id="61fa"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*TdXTrPv2GyCZFfMXfPRwqg.jpeg"><figcaption>(Image/Stefan Keller/Pixabay)</figcaption></figure><p id="5425" type="7">Hi, I’m Sandy, and I write horror</p><p id="a3fd">No shit!</p><p id="b685">Next week’s rant is dumb names on Medium. Of which there are many. Perfectly normal people with normal names dressing themselves up with semi-erotic pseudonyms accompanied by childish cartoonified profile pictures. <a href="undefined">Hogan Torah</a> you’ve been warned.</p><p id="9b34"><b>Note</b>: These profile pictures are posed by models (if you can call them that), and are not real profiles. If by chance you are one of these models using your picture as a profile picture, then you’re more fucked up than I thought.</p><p id="b341">Want more funny shit?</p><div id="a1b5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-family-vacations-are-so-boring-13de3b08f1"> <div> <div> <h2>Why Family Vacations Are So Boring</h2> <div><h3>And how to get out of them</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*e6wS9FAfPbNA59fRwBH5WA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="89dd" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-write-for-beer-and-so-should-you-3991254db769"> <div> <div> <h2>I Write For Beer — And So Should You!</h2> <div><h3>I’ve only met one person who’s ever made a living from writing. And he’s dead.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*0P9r5Nd6Kv-ilTEtfmhtLw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="6651" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/modern-life-is-shit-just-admit-it-6a4174c02587"> <div> <div> <h2>Modern Life is Shit — Just Admit It</h2> <div><h3>Then something changed. About ten years ago, I noticed technology had got serious.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*spt2TeLh3B4ZxLzaCm3iQA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="3271">More funny?</p><figure id="bfe8"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*_RxKqkqvggrwtFpz.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure></article></body>

Morons of the Internet

How To Look Like More of an Asshole Online Than You Already Are

Read on

What the fuck is the point of a profile picture like this?

Hi my name’s Andy, and I’m an IT consultant

Who’s who? Is Andy the freak on your left or your right?

I see it all the time. My friends do it. Once there was a picture of a guy, my mate I’ve known for years. Now he’s with his wife. Or worse still, his family.

Cute, eh?

Not really. This family is posed by models. Jake recently got divorced and is now living in a bedsit alone. This is his new profile picture.

This is his ex-wife’s.

He must feel awful. But at least he’s not as dumb as this guy.

Great pair of fat legs. What do you write about, running? Leg fetish?

How about this freak?

Did she have a stroke halfway through cropping her photo, and slump forward onto her mouse?

I know what you’re saying.

‘It’s alright for you, Phil, with your pretty boy good looks. We can’t be all so perfect. Some of us are born ugly.’

That’s not actually me. It’s a model.

This is me

I’ve let things go. It’s writing on Medium. It’s fucked me up. I don’t go out anymore, and I can barely walk to the store to grab myself another stack of ribs and a crate of beer. I look like the leg fetish guy above. But at least I don't have to wear a mask any longer.

Unlike these guys.

Not just a couple profile picture. But a couple profile picture with masks. Why would you do this? You can’t get covid over the internet. I’m not going to electronically breathe over you!

And if that was bad. How about these two.

These kinds of people hurt my eyes just looking at them.

As do the wackos flogging crystals, tarot cards and maps of Atlantis. Check this guy out!

Merlin’s dead, mate!

Then there’s the dog brigade. The turds who think it’s fine to post a picture of their dog and call it Mike.

I’m Mike. I’m a retired IT consultant. Dog lover.

I don’t care. Piss off.

Then you have the plain fucking weird.

Hi, I’m Sandy, and I write horror

No shit!

Next week’s rant is dumb names on Medium. Of which there are many. Perfectly normal people with normal names dressing themselves up with semi-erotic pseudonyms accompanied by childish cartoonified profile pictures. Hogan Torah you’ve been warned.

Note: These profile pictures are posed by models (if you can call them that), and are not real profiles. If by chance you are one of these models using your picture as a profile picture, then you’re more fucked up than I thought.

Want more funny shit?

Why Family Vacations Are So Boring

And how to get out of them

medium.com

I Write For Beer — And So Should You!

I’ve only met one person who’s ever made a living from writing. And he’s dead.

medium.com

Modern Life is Shit — Just Admit It

Then something changed. About ten years ago, I noticed technology had got serious.

medium.com

More funny?