I’ve Found the Key to Living a Regret-Free Life

It’s been in my pocket all along — I just didn’t know it (Dancing Elephants Book Project Positivity — Group 2)

I have two keys in my pocket.

One is marked Authentic Self. The other is marked False Self.

Whenever I have a decision to make, I get to choose which key to pull out.

My Authentic Self key opens up the door to a world free from regret — one where even if things don’t turn out as I wish, I can be at peace with myself.

My False Self key opens up the door to a world that’s the pits. Even when I get exactly what I hope for, it’s not worth paying the price of betraying my authentic self. If the outcome is not what I desire, I’m filled with regret for not summoning up the courage to be true to myself.

Positivity is the faith I’ll never regret when my words and actions are in sync with my authentic self

The Old Me

More often than not, I reached for my False Self key.

Why was I so insistent on taking that key out, despite the predictable consequences?

Because I was hellbent on playing life safe. That was all that mattered to me — survival. Being my false self consistently fulfilled that mission.

Why was I so afraid to put my authentic self out there?

Because of the lesson I took away from my childhood — which is when I did so, I’d be rejected, often viciously teased by my so-called friends simply for being me. I was taunted for my inability to speak clearly, among other things.

Making matters worse — I was never comforted by my mom or dad for the emotional agony I was experiencing. Somehow, they didn't notice. The end result was I felt invisible and uncared for.

As an adult, there was no way I wanted to re-experience that childhood trauma. I was willing to do anything to avoid it.

That is why I became a people-pleaser. It has its downside, but it sure as hell beat the alternative.

That being said, there were times as an adult when I pulled out my Authentic Self key. Reflecting back on those occasions brings a smile to my face.

For example, I was a fun parent to my daughter when she was growing up. At my 65th birthday party gathering a few years back, she made a speech in which she detailed all the ways I was a special daddy — sometimes, as she put it, indulging her.

Here is one cute anecdote she shared, and I quote: Who else had a dad who was willing to pick the blueberry chunks out of a blueberry muffin because his daughter hated the consistency of the chunks but still wanted to enjoy the blueberry flavor?

Unfortunately, I rarely showed my authentically sweet nature to people other than my daughter, as I was so frightened of rejection.

The New Me

It’s been evolving over the last few years, and I’ve been loving it.

The strides I’ve made in being true to myself coincided with meeting my wife in 2014.

From our very first date at a local diner, I was comfortable being authentic Arty with her. She ate it up, as evidenced by her laughing at my corny jokes and her attentive listening to my more serious words.

I felt seen and heard in a way I had never experienced before. Just thinking about it chokes me up with emotion.

Meeting my wife started a new chapter for me — one where the time had come to reach for my Authentic Self key on a regular basis, trusting it would serve me well.

Holy cow! Who knew so many people would enjoy authentic me — adolescent sense of humor and all!

I’m having the time of my life. I never imagined I could experience so much joy or feel so good about myself.

Yes, on occasion, I experience the pain of rejection. After all, I’m only human.

But that’s ok. I’m learning to accept it as an inevitable part of life — not everyone is going to like me.

I’m done taking the people-pleasing route at the expense of being true to myself.

It's So Awesome Living My Life Authentically

My authentic self is all about self-love and self-respect. That’s a most refreshing change from my false self, which was all about feeling like I was not enough.

My authentic self :

• Is super-supportive of other people. Case in point — my fellow writers on Medium.
• Doesn’t take life so seriously. He loves to play and be silly, like making faces in the mirror while overlooking my wife’s shoulder. Why — just because.
• Never gives up. It bounces back from feeling low all the time. It can do that because I have so much more self-love and confidence.
• Is strong enough to apologize when I mess up, and it graciously accepts apologies from others. It recognizes we all make mistakes.
• Does not succumb to self-limiting beliefs. For example, I’m a good singer. I’m planning on putting together a nursing home gig to entertain a few folks who no doubt could use more joy in their lives.

Most significantly, my authentic self is committed to learning to let go when others treat me unkindly. That is hands-down my biggest challenge, as it triggers so much childhood trauma.

My authentic self was the driver behind a recent article I wrote that hammered home the point that when someone is nasty to me, it’s all about them and has nothing to do with me.

My Wish For You

That can be summed up as:

Be true to your authentic self. You deserve that as does the world. You’ll never regret it.

You don’t want to be on your deathbed, depressed expression on your face, pondering what your life might have been if you only had been faithful to yourself.

You are awesome and have an abundance of gifts to offer the world.

Just as you are.

I wish you well,

Art