Ivanka Trump Rolls Over on Donald Trump… Could It Happen?
A GRAND grand jury proceeding
We all know Mango Mussolini is hard at work making America great again. For that, he is to be applauded.
But there are dark forces at work trying to derail Agent Orange’s best efforts.
In particular, there’s the recent subpoena of Ivanka Trump by the grand jury investigating the J6 riot and attempt to overthrow the government, AKA a peaceful tourist visit to the Capitol by a group of well-meaning ̶t̶e̶r̶r̶o̶r̶i̶s̶t̶s̶ tourists.
Ivanka and Donald were briefly involved romantically, at least in the mind of one of them, and the dirt an ex (even a fantasy ex) can dish could be truly … well … dirty.
What’s Ivanka likely to spill to the grand jury about her former paternal pretend paramour?
Hideous overuse of Axe Body Spray
Will the former first daughter testify that the former first daddy dude massively overuses, and mixes, Axe flavors “Golden Mango” and “Dark Temptation.”
By report, the outcome of this chemically-induced stink bomb is indistinguishable from the stench emanating from Alex Jones’ toe jam.
Now if that is not a little something something grand for the grand jury to ponder, I don’t know what is.
Something truly revolting involving three cheeseburgers, MTG, and WAY too much ketchup
I can’t go into details. You’ll have to use your imagination for this one.
He’s a cheap bastard
You know the people who stole *Rump’s rightfully-won election away from him? They apparently also steal his credit cards every time the restaurant or bar bill appears during a hot date.
Then guess who gets left “holding the bag”?
“He’s got short-arm syndrome like the worst T-Rex in the history of the dating world”, Ivanka may well reveal. “And tiny hands on those stubby arms. He won’t pick up a check unless it’s plastered to his greasy forehead.”
He drives a Prius
He’s secretly concerned about global warming and worried that increased temps will make his facial bronzer overheat and run.
“After he saw what happened to Rudy’s hair dye, he began to take the destruction of the planet more seriously. He’s doing his part to curb rising temps, really he is. But a Prius?! AYFKM!” The Big Iv was captured saying on a hot mic during a taping of her new show “Real Housewives of Wherever She Lives.”
Presidential putz MIA since 1988
By report, the Tangerine Turd has it on a leash, and a length of fishing line. Also, a PeePee pocket fisherman is on standby to reel it in when it’s required.
It may sit below that toxic waste dump of a gut generated by a steady diet of pizza and burgers, but we’ll never really know.
Ivanka may be able to “shed more light” on the subject, but even that is doubtful.
Thankfully, photos have already been barred from court proceedings.
The Drumpf is claiming fake news and has stated vehemently that the same folks who stole his election and credit cards also made off with “cocktail frankie”, as he likes to call his little friend.
Stay tuned. JK, Ivanka’s husband, will be up to bat too.