It’s Time to Stop Giving Your Energy to Those Who Don’t Appreciate It
Match their energy and take back your power
Energy may be a renewable resource, but some relationships simply take and take, leaving us depleted — or they give just a little, just enough to keep us investing in them. It’s so easy to get angry at the people who give so little and take so much, but the truth is that we are the ones who keep giving up our power every single time that we give more than we’re given.
In all relationships, energy investments may come in waves. There are times when the balance will skew in one direction or another, but it shouldn’t constantly tilt only in one direction throughout the relationship. If it does, like the Titanic, it will split and sink, taking us down with it.
Energy Matching Is A Boundary Practice
Matching energy is a wonderful way to practice healthy boundaries. At first, I felt like energy matching was game-playing, as if responding to the energy I was receiving wasn’t being authentic to how I felt. I have so much love to give, and I tend to be enthusiastic in sharing it with the people I let in. Yet, I kept ending up engaging in relationships where I gave my energy without seeing any return on that emotional investment.
This isn’t quid pro quo. This is an understanding that the power we think about with empowerment includes our energy. We can’t pour from an empty cup, and while this usually refers to self-care, it can also include the type of energy we get from the people around us.
For instance, when we spend time around people we truly enjoy, we feel refreshed by the experience. We don’t leave needing to recover from it. When we spend time with people who don’t make us feel comfortable in our own skin or whose negativity is a drain on our emotional resources, we leave feeling depressed, anxious, or depleted.
We don’t need to engage in arguments with people just because that’s the energy that’s coming our way. That’s not what this means. Good boundaries dictate that we consider the type of energy we invest in our relationships — and how that energy is returned to us. If we pour love in but get disapproval, disappointment, and neglect back, it might be time to re-evaluate our relationships.
Energy Matching Is A Power Move
Energy matching isn’t meant to punish people for how they treat us. Instead, it’s a way to show ourselves love and respect. It’s a power move in that it helps us reclaim our power, take responsibility for our relationships, and choose to invest in the people who invest in us. Energy matching reflects not how worthy we are but how worthy we perceive that we are, which means that I spent many years feeling on some level that I deserved the low energy I was receiving.
It’s interesting how our relationships change when we adjust our energy to match what we’re seeing. Sometimes, we lose relationships because they disappear when we stop trying to keep the connection open. It can also help other people to see just how much energy we were investing when it’s no longer pouring in. They’ll either adjust their own energy to stop taking us for granted or make their way out of our lives.
Energy Matching Allows For Healthier Relationships
As I began matching energy, I noticed that some relationships got stronger and some drifted away. This has allowed more room for healthy relationships, but it’s also given me more energy to be present in my interactions. I’m not feeling drained from constant negativity or the back-and-forth of inconsistent behavior. I find that I’m more often surrounded with people who nourish my soul and help me feel centered and connected.
We give so much of our energy away. I look back on years of putting effort in where it wasn’t appreciated. I don’t regret how well I’ve loved or how much I shown it, but I do wish I’d loved myself enough to call it quits when I realized I was throwing it down a bottomless pit with little hope of ever seeing any of it come back to me.
These days, I think about the energy I get and the energy I give. I’m not constantly comparing. There is no keeping score. Instead, I check in with my body to see how it feels in my surroundings. Do the people around me allow a safe space for me to fully be myself, or do I feel stifled by my environment? Do I feel like I benefit from the relationships I cultivate or have they become a drain on my time, energy, and emotional resources? Where’s the balance?
We need balance. It’s important for all our relationships — not just the romantic ones. We aren’t meant to put all our love into the universe and get nothing back in return. Our relationships should be fulfilling. They should add to the happiness we create ourselves. If they don’t, what’s the point?
