BREAST THEATER
It’s Time For Nipples to Take Center Stage
The backstage life of nipples
Breasts are on the main stage while nipples are the techies behind the scenes. While breast shape and size steal the show, nipples set down spike tape so the actors know where to stand.
I never thought about nipples much. Usually, when the world talks about breasts, we talk about size, sometimes shape, and often height. But nipples are there too, adjusting the rafters, cueing actors when they whisper line!
Boob size is the obsession, practically an affliction for women who have to deal with men’s daily reactions to their size — meanwhile, nipples hide in the shadows.
How high your tits are is something people bring up in conversation. I remember a girl in high school saying to me, “My grandma always had the lowest tits.”
It was a weird comment and she probably met her grandma when granny was older so who knows what g-mas teen tits were like.
One day, when I was changing with the girl (oh high school), I noticed her boobs practically hit her chin when she pulled her shirt off. They were so high.
I realized she considered her breasts’ height superior to her grandma's. That’s why she brought it up. The question was, was she being petty or was she afraid of her breast future?
The memory of this high-boobed girl reminds me of my friend who had a super high butt until she turned 30. Then, you could hear it hit the floor.
I’ve written about her before because thinking about her butt falling was like imagining an avalanche. What brought it down? A yodeler? A tectonic shift?
I secretly wanted the girl, who judged her grandma's low boobs, to suffer the same fate. Maybe when her grandma was 16, her tits also hit her chin when she changed.
I say, she who judges older women's low breasts is doomed to eventually have older women’s low breasts. It’s in the Bible — the booby parts.
But this piece is about nipples, the quiet stage hands who make sure the props are ready for the play.
My cocky high-titted friend never mentioned her grandma’s nipples. She only gave me the fleshy part of the picture. A lot of us don’t even think about nipples until we start sharing them with infants or happen to be wearing a white tshirt while caught a rain storm.
I remember a girl in high school, pretty enough to end up being in the movies, running back inside after being slaughtered by a rainstorm. She answered every adolescent boy's dream appearing in the doorway, soaking wet in a white blouse that clung and revealed.
Because she was a Jehovah’s witness and not allowed to date, this was as close as anyone got to seeing her breasts. We could all see the tannish hue of her cold perky nipples. Spontaneously helpful high school boys, running to help her cover-up, almost started a riot.
I also remember one girl who iced her nips before parties so they were perk. They flattened back after being inside for a few minutes, which gave her 180 seconds to draw a crowd.
In college, I knew girls who deliberately underdressed in winter so their nipples appeared perky. They reminded me of girls in old movies who pinched their cheeks to create natural blush.
Later, I found out girls rouged their nipples and that exploded my brain. As someone who barely brushes my hair, I realized how much I didn’t know about preparing myself for an audience.
Looking back, I realize the nipple does have its place. Its subtle, almost sneaky place, has no need to upstage the fleshy fat that surrounds her. She is her own center stage.
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