It’s Not Too Late To Start All Over Again

Have you lost your way? Did you once have a good habit that you eventually lost? All of us have been like that before. But the way back is open to us. Always.

About ten years ago, I was a runner. I went running three times a week and ran distances between ten and eighteen kilometers.

At that time I weighed seventy-eight kilos and was as thin as a gazelle. When I was running a tempo, I felt like I was flying. It was great to run along the harbor at half past six in the morning when everyone else was just getting out of bed. I felt superior and indescribably good.

Then I hurt my knee and from one day to the next I couldn’t jog anymore. It took almost a year for the pain to go away. In the meantime, the company where I had worked at the time had moved. I used to walk ten minutes from home to my office before. After the move, I suddenly needed fifty minutes by train and bus to get to work.

But at least the knee was healthy again, and I could finally run again -that´s what I thought.

But I had to realize that I could not merely resume my old routine. It was no longer possible to run in the morning before work. Instead of five o’clock I would have had to get up an hour earlier to run before work.

So I tried to get used to running in the evening. It worked for a few weeks, but it was hard. Too hard, it turns out. After a long working day, I was exhausted and tired.

To cut a long story short: I never really got into training again.

A new chance

In November 2018 I was finally ready to quit my full-time job. I’ve been a writer ever since. I make my living on it.

I’ve been running again for a few weeks now. But in comparison to before, I am a complete beginner again.

I had to buy new training clothes because nothing of the old clothes fit me anymore. Still, I look grotesque in it. My stomach looks like I swallowed a basketball. I can hide it quite well under regular clothes but in sports? Not a chance.

Besides, it is no longer possible to think of distances like in the past. At the moment I’m running just over two kilometers in sixteen minutes. I puff like an asthmatic wildebeest.

In short, I look like shit. But it doesn’t bother me.

Why be ashamed of being a beginner? Beginnings are beautiful, aren’t they?

Instead of being ashamed of how hard I drag myself through the streets, I get excited. I’m looking forward to the day when I can run my old favorite route at the harbor for the first time again. It’s worth it.

A beginner is facing all the first times. And in my case, I face them again now. I’m looking forward to it.

For the first time I’ll make five kilometers, then seven and then ten.

And what are you starting over with?

Maybe you’re writing your first book right now, and you’re afraid they’ll laugh at you if you show it to someone. You’re so scared it’s not right. And I’ll tell you what, it probably will be. The first book you write is rarely good. It can’t be any different, because as a beginner you don’t know how to do it right. You don’t know the rules and codes that everyone else rules in their sleep.

Or are you learning a new language and don’t dare to speak to a native speaker? I understand that because you’ll probably fuck it up the first time. The second and third times as well, by the way. But there are no shortcuts and no chance of not looking bad at first. That’s the nature of things.

There is only one kind of people who look even stupider than beginners: people who never dare anything new. What kind do you want to be?

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