You are interested in Self Development, but don’t know how to start? Take these first steps

Personality development is a broad field. You can easily be overwhelmed by all the books and articles. Where do I start? How do I proceed? The answer is here.

The desire for personality development often arises when we feel somehow uncomfortable and dissatisfied and actually know what we need to change.

But we very often fail with the first attempts to change something. We don’t know where to start, and often we just can’t do what we should do. Internal resistance sabotages us without us knowing where it comes from and what we can do about it.

When you get to this point, the first thing you have to do is shift the thinking from the head to the paper. Written reflection is the key to success.

Written reflection

If we try to solve a problem only in the head, we overload our brain. We can only keep up to seven pieces of information in our heads at a time, but a plan for sustainable personality development requires much more than that.

As soon as we write something down, we relieve our brain of this thought and make room for new ideas. We can then fall back on what we have written down at any time.

So here we go: Here are the steps we have to take to create our very personal plan for personality development.

My values, or: What is important to me?

Each of us has superior values according to which we live, even if we are not always aware of that.

Some of us, for example, place justice above everything else, while others place maximum happiness above everything else.

One wants to leave something significant to the world; the other perhaps wants to gain as much knowledge as possible.

Whatever makes a person tick has a significant influence on what feels right and wrong to him.

The first step in creating a personal development plan must, therefore, be to define your fundamental values and make them conscious.

These values form the basis on which everything else must build. If we develop a plan that violates one of our core values, it will always feel wrong if we take a step towards implementing that plan.

For example, if you define personal freedom as your most important value, you will have major problems if your personality development plan is designed to become a more productive employee.

So here’s what happens: Write down all your values. Then choose the three that are most important to you. Now you have the basis for your further planning.

Defining the big life goals

This may sound a bit off the beaten track at first, but it is enormously important. Often these significant goals are derived directly from the underlying values identified in the first step. Sometimes, however, the connection is less obvious.

To find the big life goals, it helps to put oneself far into the future. Imagine you are old and don’t have long to live. You look back on your whole life and evaluate it.

After one another, you take on all the different areas of your life: Family, job, your contribution to the common good, your health — there are many areas in which a life can be divided. Choose your own division and then write a fictitious review of each area of your life.

As you write, you assume that each area of your life fills you with pride and joy in retrospect.

What must you have achieved in each of these areas to look back proudly and contentedly at the end of your life?

If you have done this for each of your life areas, you will clearly see your big life goals ahead of you. Only what still counts at the very end is worthy of being called a life goal.

So now you have defined your basic values and your big life goals. That is a strong basis to build on. Fundamental values and life goals serve you from now on as a compass on your further way.

Everything that leads to the fulfillment of your fundamental values and life goals is worth doing. Everything else is unimportant.

Your strengths and weaknesses

I’m sure you know this question from your last job interview: At some point, the personnel manager will ask you about your biggest strengths and weaknesses.

Why does he do that? Firstly because he wants to know whether you are suitable for the job and secondly because he wants to know how well you can assess yourself.

When you set up your development plan, you are your boss. You must now account to yourself and find out what will benefit you and what will slow you down.

Drawing up a list of your weaknesses and strengths is not easy. It is often helpful to ask your family or friends where they see your strengths and weaknesses. The outside perspective is often surprising but very instructive.

When you’re done, compare your list of strengths and weaknesses with your list of life goals.

Which of these goals can you most easily achieve based on your strengths? For which goal does the greatest weakness have to be overcome?

Now write down your life goals in a new order. First comes the goal that you can most easily achieve due to your strengths. Accordingly, the purpose that is most difficult to achieve because of your weaknesses comes at the end of the list.

All other goals are grouped according to their level of difficulty.

Put this list aside now. But we will need it again soon.

Goals for the near and medium-term future

Unlike the big life goals, now it’s about goals you can start working on right away.

Write down everything you want to achieve. Whether it’s writing a book, learning a language, or getting rid of your debt, this list is the place for you.

You should be really thorough here. Write until you really can’t think of anything else. Then put the list aside until the next day and then retake it. Unquestionably you have come up with further goals overnight. Write them to the others.

Next, you need the list with your fundamental values again. Use it to decimate your list of goals you just created. Surely you will come across many goals that you thought were important to you, but now you realize that they are incompatible with your core values.

Delete these goals.

In the next round, you balance your short-term goals with your life goals. Which of these serves one of your life goals and which doesn’t?

All short-term goals, which do not bring you closer to your life goals, you eliminate now also.

After these steps, you have a relatively clear list of short and medium-term goals. To decide which one to work on first, you need to take one last action.

Assign the short-term goals to a life goal. You have already brought the life goals into a sequence from easy to difficult. This is why you get a list of short-term goals that you can tackle immediately.

The final plan

Once you have completed all the steps described above, you now have a precise plan for your personality development.

You have a shortlist of short and medium-term goals that are in line with your core values and life goals.

You have also put these goals in order.

The easiest to achieve is at the top of the list. You start with them and then work your way through the months and years to the most difficult ones.

The advantage of this approach is distinct. You make sure that at the beginning of your way, you achieve quick successes, which strengthens your self-confidence and your motivation. Every further step will be more natural for you.

But while you are working on your easy task, always take a look at the problematic goals you will have to achieve later. You should still spend part of your time in the present working on your weaknesses.

If you work a little bit on your weaknesses every day, you will be prepared when you finally really work on your demanding tasks.

A word at the end

Maybe the described way seems too complicated to you. Hours of thinking about fundamental values, life goals, strengths, and weaknesses can be very exhausting, no question.

But it’s worth the effort because it prevents you from going in the wrong direction for years without a plan that suits you. Such a method makes sure that your path corresponds to your personality and is tailor-made for you.

Give the method a chance. I know from my own experience that it works well.

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