avatarVictor Cardenas

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re id="cb95"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*gNLN_KHRBcqicxuwQvbPAw.png"><figcaption>Hermann’s family shrine. They all get together and wear something called a “Stahlhelm” and headbutt one another at least once a year. Image created by AI.</figcaption></figure><h2 id="5fd4">Dating and Guns</h2><p id="a3ac">I guess I have to admit there’s not much to do around these parts, but at least we have firearms. Target shooting, hunting, slamming light beers, and driving an ATV with loaded, unsecured firearms are some of my favorite activities.</p><p id="82c0">I always tell people, “I’m a good guy” and I <i>absolutely </i>mean it. I believe in my mentality so much that I use it as a lead-in when I match with women on Tinder. I also have the following <b>hilarious </b>line to show my sarcastic nature, “I believe in muzzle discipline in that women should listen and not speak when I’m speaking”. I actually haven’t had too many matches in the past couple of years. I’m exactly not sure why.</p><p id="cb93">When it comes to firearms, I am a muzzle discipline absolutist.</p><p id="e4e3">They don’t know what they’re missing. On the first date, I’ll let you cook for me. I always surprise my dates on the second date and will bring a portable massage table and some deer sausage (for you to cook) to your house. On the third date, I’ll ask you to cook for me for the rest of your life. No third dates so far, but I think this might be my lucky year.</p><h2 id="c8c2">Point, aim, squeeze</h2><p id="8bd7">I am well-practiced in<b> fear extinction</b>. I watched a couple of shows set at Quantico and have additionally watched 24 hours straight of Barney’s Playhouse in order to steel my mind’s mettle — in order to make my noggin hard. I have a framed picture of Lil Wayne Pierre, president of the NRA, on my bedside table.</p><p id="118c">I am well-versed in trigger discipline. Sure my Tinder picture* has my finger resting ever so slightly on the trigger, but I think the photo is just rendered incorrectly. I can tell from some of the pixels and seeing quite a few ‘shops in my time.</p><p id="cd0e">Point, aim, squeeze isn’t just an order of operations for pissing on the toilet seat in the bathroom — it’s a lifestyle. I always engage in muzzle discipline, unless Hermann is taking cool pictures of me for my social media or dating websites.</p><p id="f119">I have at least one range day a quarter. Usually, I chat it up with Chuck the range owner, buy

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a couple of boxes of ammo, and then set out to the cemetery close to the multisports complex to practice. I usually leave the shells on the ground so would-be grave robbers know there’s a real one hanging around.</p><p id="1e56">Next time there is an Old West-style shootout, a bank robbery, or someone who is unarmed that simply has a temporary mental break that can be de-escalated using words, I’ll be there ready to shoot. When the <b>bad guys</b> pause to reload, I’ll jump to a triple somersault into a flying scissor takedown to get the baddie into point-blank execution range. Not a single spatter of blood will get onto my plastic junior police officer badge I bought on AliExpress.</p><p id="0c74">Just wait until you hear my solutions for drug addiction (shoot ‘em), mental health challenges (pew pew), and prison overcrowding (RIPasaurus Rex). I think you’ll be really surprised.</p><p id="7756">The name’s Gus. To America and the women at the bar of the Puyallup Applebee’s at 9:30 PM on a Friday night: you absolutely need me.</p><p id="ab7d">*<i>Wrong direction. The picture is up top. Were you thinking it would be down here in the gutter? Think!</i></p><p id="3af2"><b>More nonsense</b></p><div id="23e2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-im-going-childfree-in-2023-12190a0f90a3"> <div> <div> <h2>Why I’m Going Childfree in 2023</h2> <div><h3>The Many Benefits of Being Childfree</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*VCdzyay1tPzqYSnp)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="3e39" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-demand-a-vip-pass-to-your-midwest-family-reunion-ac413f3b2045"> <div> <div> <h2>I Demand a VIP Pass To Your Midwest Family Reunion</h2> <div><h3>Ahhhhhhhh (is this an existential scream or the relaxing sigh of familiarity that is family time?), the Midwest</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*M8_x8Ca8IcDOtqg5AFVuBg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

GUN CULTURE

It’s Me, I’m The Good Guy With a Gun

One Man’s Journey into Heroics

I’m always prepared to deal with litterers, ne’er-do-wells, and SnackWell’s. Especially those scrumptious Devil’s food cookies. Photo by Kindel Media

Hi, the name’s Gustavo and I’m a firearm aficionado. You can call me Gus. With a name like Gus, people always assume that I was born in Jasper, Arkansas, or some other backwater. Au contraire mon frère, I was actually born and raised in Puyallup, Washington located just South of Tacoma.

No you buffoon, not like the model of the truck parked across the street — that vehicle probably belongs to that guy Mike from your high school wood shop class that you bought skunk weed from back in 1996.

Puyallup?

Before you start in with the Puyallup jokes, I’ve heard them all before — NO I can’t do a bodyweight pull-up and NO I didn’t stay in diapers for an exceptional amount of time. You really need to grow up and become more of a sophisticated adult.

I don’t know how to pronounce the name of my hometown either. So what?

This is my best friend Hermann. Hermann’s family moved from Germany to Argentina in the 1950s and then to Washington in the 1980s. His whole family loves guns. They also like to collect rare German historical stuff. They have a whole room full of it and it kind of looks like a shrine. Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko

Puyallup has a population of about 43,000 and there are at least 5 McDonald’s, so it’s not exactly some rinky-dink down. I’ve been to 4 of them with my BFF Hermann. We like to dip our french fries in a shared chocolate shake on Thursdays. On other days we go out to the hunting cabin. We don’t always bag wild game, but quiet conversation while watching the soft light of the fireplace dance in Hermann’s eyes always lifts my spirits.

Hermann’s family shrine. They all get together and wear something called a “Stahlhelm” and headbutt one another at least once a year. Image created by AI.

Dating and Guns

I guess I have to admit there’s not much to do around these parts, but at least we have firearms. Target shooting, hunting, slamming light beers, and driving an ATV with loaded, unsecured firearms are some of my favorite activities.

I always tell people, “I’m a good guy” and I absolutely mean it. I believe in my mentality so much that I use it as a lead-in when I match with women on Tinder. I also have the following hilarious line to show my sarcastic nature, “I believe in muzzle discipline in that women should listen and not speak when I’m speaking”. I actually haven’t had too many matches in the past couple of years. I’m exactly not sure why.

When it comes to firearms, I am a muzzle discipline absolutist.

They don’t know what they’re missing. On the first date, I’ll let you cook for me. I always surprise my dates on the second date and will bring a portable massage table and some deer sausage (for you to cook) to your house. On the third date, I’ll ask you to cook for me for the rest of your life. No third dates so far, but I think this might be my lucky year.

Point, aim, squeeze

I am well-practiced in fear extinction. I watched a couple of shows set at Quantico and have additionally watched 24 hours straight of Barney’s Playhouse in order to steel my mind’s mettle — in order to make my noggin hard. I have a framed picture of Lil Wayne Pierre, president of the NRA, on my bedside table.

I am well-versed in trigger discipline. Sure my Tinder picture* has my finger resting ever so slightly on the trigger, but I think the photo is just rendered incorrectly. I can tell from some of the pixels and seeing quite a few ‘shops in my time.

Point, aim, squeeze isn’t just an order of operations for pissing on the toilet seat in the bathroom — it’s a lifestyle. I always engage in muzzle discipline, unless Hermann is taking cool pictures of me for my social media or dating websites.

I have at least one range day a quarter. Usually, I chat it up with Chuck the range owner, buy a couple of boxes of ammo, and then set out to the cemetery close to the multisports complex to practice. I usually leave the shells on the ground so would-be grave robbers know there’s a real one hanging around.

Next time there is an Old West-style shootout, a bank robbery, or someone who is unarmed that simply has a temporary mental break that can be de-escalated using words, I’ll be there ready to shoot. When the bad guys pause to reload, I’ll jump to a triple somersault into a flying scissor takedown to get the baddie into point-blank execution range. Not a single spatter of blood will get onto my plastic junior police officer badge I bought on AliExpress.

Just wait until you hear my solutions for drug addiction (shoot ‘em), mental health challenges (pew pew), and prison overcrowding (RIPasaurus Rex). I think you’ll be really surprised.

The name’s Gus. To America and the women at the bar of the Puyallup Applebee’s at 9:30 PM on a Friday night: you absolutely need me.

*Wrong direction. The picture is up top. Were you thinking it would be down here in the gutter? Think!

More nonsense

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