avatarChristine Vann, MSc.

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It’s 2021 And Girls Still Do Most Of The Washing Up

A parents' guide to ending the gender divide.

Photo by Depositphotos.com

My son has a unique talent. He’s so prolific; I have a nickname for him in my head.

I call him the dodger.

Every time I ask my children to do housework, he vanishes, leaving behind a trail of breadcrumbs and peanut butter smears. I want him to contribute as much as his sister, so I don’t give in. I leave his mess until he clears it, even if that means you can hide a dead body in his room.

Girls do; boys dodge

I don’t think I’m the only parent struggling with this gender imbalance.

A longitudinal study, “Growing up in Ireland,” has compared 8.000 children’s behavior at age 9 and 13 and found significant gender differences in chores done.

Still, in 2021.

In the West, we live in the era of the entitled child — most kids in Ireland don’t do much housework. But once the researchers drilled down into the data, they realized:

  • Nine-year-old girls do most of the chores while boys dodge them.
  • The housework gap grows yearly and is significantly wider at age 13.
  • Girls and boys do different kinds of tasks — typically based on the gender divide.

Kids do fewer tasks than their parents growing up

Nine-year-old boys manage to tear themselves away from playing sports or computer games to spend an average of 8,5 minutes on chores a week, compared to over 11 minutes by their female peers. Four years later, the same boys are dodging more, spending only 7,5 minutes on tasks, while the girls’ workload is only reduced slightly to just under 11 minutes.

If you’re wondering if the low numbers are just an Irish anomaly, consider this US-based Braun study in 2014. Researchers found 82 percent of grown-ups surveyed said they had regular chores growing up. In contrast, just over a quarter (28%) asked their kids to help out.

Why so low? The parents in this study mentioned a reluctance to overload their children’s busy schedules.

Richard Rende, a developmental psychologist in Arizona, commented:

“Parents today want their kids spending time on things that can bring them success, but ironically, we’ve stopped doing one thing that’s actually been a proven predictor of success — and that’s household chores,”

Housework for girls, masculine tasks for boys

Back to the findings of our Irish study, and we can see a clear pattern emerge. Not only do children fewer chores than we did, growing up. Outside their free time, girls do ‘so-called ‘women’s work’: washing dishes, cooking, cleaning, and caring duties. While Irish boys take up ‘masculine’ tasks, like grass cutting, taking out the trash, and car washing.

As they age, the gender gap grows.

Why should we care?

Parents prioritize their children’s achievements and happiness over teaching them to be kind and caring, concludes Dr. Richard Weissbourd, senior lecturer on education at Harvard, in his report: The Children We Mean to Raise. He said:

“When we signal to our children that we don’t prioritize caring and fairness as much as we do their achievement and happiness — and when kids themselves mirror those priorities, or believe that their peers do as well — there is a lower bar for many forms of harmful behavior, including cruelty, disrespect, dishonesty, and cheating,”

To remedy this, Dr. Weisbourd suggests parents should teach children to be helpful and kind at home.

Also, the gender-specific findings mean girls spend less free time on hobbies, sport, and education while missing out on learning masculine tasks.

Ironically, this study shows girls do more in homes where mums work, with tasks landing on their daughters’ shoulders.

And boys- might have more free time- but fail to learn life skills, such as cleaning or preparing a meal.

Photo by Kampus Production from Pexels

How does this affect their grown-up lives?

If adults continue on this path of doing versus dodging, unequal housework divisions are problematic for women, negatively affecting career progression, relationships, and wellbeing.

Whereas men may have more free time for work and hobbies, but they might tussle with their partner over chores if they don’t pull their weight at home.

What can parents do?

Here are three easy things to try:

  • Motivate children to do chores by explaining that we are family members and we help each other out.
  • Don’t pay your children to do tasks; this can lead to motivation loss.
  • Mix up ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ housework giving all your children the chance to learn life skills.

Final Words

The gender divide still plays a big part in how chores add up for boys and girls.

We also learned that kids do fewer tasks than we did because parents prioritize children’s happiness and achievements over being kind and caring. If we raise our children, regardless of gender, to do more and divide all housework activities equally, we can expect equality for adults when they grow up.

As for my son? I’m taking on board my own tips, so he won’t be dodging his way out of housework forever.

Further reading:
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/icd.2246
https://www.apadivisions.org/division-35/news-events/news/household-chores
https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/children-mean-raise

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Parenting
Equality
Feminism
Society
Family
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