Isolation Discombobulation? Here’s How I Keep My Toddlers On Track-It Works For Grown-Ups Too

Charts, beautiful charts, I’d forgotten how much I love them.

Like everyone else who is self-isolating, my life has been a bit discombobulated since the shelter-at-home order went into place.

Staying in with just my family hasn’t been a problem. My daughter is a self-motivated, independent 13-year-old who has her school work under control and spends her days painting, and my husband is still working.

On the surface, life has gone on pretty much as it always has, albeit with less shopping.

The problem for me isn’t lack of human contact as much as the lack of structure that contact provided. I didn’t realize how dependent I was on my job and errands to keep my life on track.

So now, in week four, I’m going to get back to the business of ordering my life.

There are a few key issues that have cropped up. Losing control of my eating habits is one. Lack of exercise is another, and neglecting my music practice is the other big one. I used to play my instrument daily, now I barely touch it. The only thing that’s stuck has been my writing habit, which has taken over my life.

But although I sit for hours at my computer, I haven’t been more productive.

I think I’m wasting time because I have more of it to waste.

So this week, I’m going to put some structure back into my life.

I’m putting myself on a schedule to see if I can whip myself into shape and take control of the time that seems to be slipping away.

My biggest fear is that when this is all over, I will look back and realize I wasted this precious respite.

I’ve decided to order my life the way I run my daycare.

Structure is essential for toddlers, and for them, I run a very tight ship. Routine helps them get their bearings and build a structured internal world. For eight years, my life has revolved around the structure I bring to my work, and much like a relationship taken for granted, I miss it now that it’s gone.

So I’ve decided to do something about it.

This week, I’m going to create a structure for myself the same way I do it for my toddlers.

I’m going to have a daily routine with significant anchors in place every day. Following the advice I give in my book (The Automatic Parent), I’m going to write it all down, so I have something to follow until it becomes automatic.

I like charts, they ground me. I like having something I can look at and the instant gratification of checks inside boxes. I want to see how well I’ve done and what I’ve managed to accomplish at a glance.

Charts make me feel safe and in control, so I’ll use charts. You might have something that suits you better. Try to create a visual cue that you can see easily that’s in a convenient spot.

I will let you know at the end of the article how I did this week.

But for now, here is the plan:

I’m going to go back to my rule of eating no sugar or flour during the week. I will weigh and measure my food with no snacking, according to Bright Line Eating, which is how I’ve been eating for the last two years. I prefer to eat this way. I feel bloated, achy, and stiff when I eat sugar and flour anyway.

The problem in isolation is that I sometimes let myself stray a bit with my eating on weekends. Now that every day feels like a weekend, I’ve been treating myself a bit too much. Having a weekday routine will anchor my eating habits again.

I’ve been showering and getting dressed, so that’s good. That was the first bit of routine I put back into my life. I know that if I spend every day in my PJ’s, I will be unmotivated, so showering is a must. Showering has been an indispensable constant in my days, and if you want to read more about that, please see the article below.

I’m also going to put 15 minutes of exercise in after writing but before my shower. I have an easy but effective kettlebell routine that I used to do that is quick and satisfying. I have a nice light kettlebell to get me started.

After showering, more writing.

I’ll put meals in when I’m hungry but will schedule about an hour to sit and eat. This way, I can get my social media to fix in a controlled way. I usually eat at the computer in the daytime anyway.

I will schedule an hour a day to play my guitar after lunch, which adheres to my regular schedule. I work at home and usually eat and practice when the children are napping.

I will schedule a time to take a walk outside with my daughter in the afternoons or after dinner.

I will also schedule a time for home maintenance, dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc. If I do a little each day, things won’t get out of hand, and then on the weekend, the whole family can pitch in for a couple of hours to do the big stuff.

I will schedule 1 1/2 hour for reading as I need to get back to the research for my book. I’ll do this at the same time I am getting my daughter to do hers.

Finally, nighttime computer work: Service Medium account/edit book/research.

All of these things written down will fill my day. I haven’t assigned timeframes, so my day can be a little fluid in case I get caught up in something or something comes up. As long as I do a few key things in order, it will keep my craving for structure satisfied.

This daily repetition of a basic schedule keeps my toddlers secure and anchors them in their day. It helps them cope with transitions and takes away the fear of the unknown.

When I have an anxious little one, I walk them through their day.

We list off all of our daily activities in order and then I say, every time, in the same way, “and then mommy comes back after our nap.” This is how they learn to trust that their parent comes back every day. This exercise in repetition is more than just a memory game.

Eventually, the lesson is internalized because I don’t’ deviate from their schedule. The children come to understand where they are in their day and what will happen next. It’s how I acclimatize every child that comes into my care, and it works every time.

If I can stabilize the children with routine and structure, I can do the same for myself. After all, we all start out as children and there is an inner child at the core of every one of us.

I know from years of my own research that fixed, deliberate routines create comfort and peace of mind.

Life is easier when we know what to expect. Since nobody knows how the world will end up after all of this, being able to anticipate your day is one way to bring comfort through certainty.

I may not get everything done every day, but this week I’ll try it out to see what works and what doesn’t. It may take some tweaking, but just working on it gives me a feeling of control that I didn’t’ have before.

Feeling in control of my life settles me down. It lessens my anxiety.

Having everything written down and printed off gives me something to refer back to when I start feeling lost.

If you feel like you’re floating in time, discombobulated, and unnerved, try making a little schedule for yourself.

Make sure you schedule in time for things that you enjoy as well as things that need to get done.

Here’s what I’m anticipating my days will look like:

1. Get up, make coffee, write.
2. Exercise: kettlebell workout or elliptical or yoga 15 minutes
3. Shower
4. Do some housecleaning
5. Eat/relax on the computer or watch tv if my daughter is doing school work on the computer
6. Play guitar
7. Take a walk or one more stint of exercise
8. Read and research
9. Edit Medium work and publish
10. Dinner/family time
11. Nighttime computer work

I’m not waking up a set time, but I know that when I get up, the schedule starts, and I can take it from there. I know that if I structure it too much, I won’t be able to adhere to it and will give up on the idea altogether.

You might need to put in actual times, the beauty of this exercise is that you can tailor it to your personality.

But I will make a list and check off what I’ve done each day. I find that when I have a system that tracks me daily and shows results, I do much better at sticking with a plan.

I’m hoping that having this to look at and ticking things off daily will help me stay on track.

I will check back in next week to give a rundown on how it worked out at the end of this article.

So that’s my plan, if you have any helpful tips on how you’ve kept yourself on track, please comment or leave a link to your own article in the comments. That way, we can all benefit from each other’s ideas.

UPDATE: Today is Saturday, and I’ve added my charts to this article.

As you can see, I got some things done but not all.

It was a pretty good week though, I stuck to at between 5 and 7 of my scheduled activities for most days, there is 10 total. I got the most important things done, which for me are writing, exercise, and eating on plan.

I strayed two days from my eating plan, but only in terms of food items, not calories, so I’d consider that a wash.

I only missed one day of exercise, but Wednesday was a special case because my husband got the day off work, so we ate hotdogs and pastries for lunch just for fun. That was atypical, so I don’t feel like that was an off-track day as much as it was a special occasion.

I really liked having the charts and structure. I felt much more in control this week, and I know I exercised more and got more done than I typically would have.

Ticking off the boxes was satisfying. Being able to look at my week at a glance and see what I accomplished and even what I didn’t has given me a great sense of satisfaction and control. I’m starting to know what my schedule can handle so I can make realistic goals.

I’ve come up with lots of ideas about how I’m going to approach next week.

I’ve regained a little more control over my time, my mind, and my life. My routine is giving me some much-needed structure and motivation.

I’m actually looking forward to getting things even more on track next week.

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