Is Your Friend Really Your Secret Frenemy
How to spot the warning signs of a fake friend.
Frenemies are enemies in disguise. A frenemy is somebody that you see as a trusted friend, who is secretly plotting against you. Similar to a wolf in sheep's clothing they appear to be nice.
“We have to be cautious of who we allow in our circle because a frenemy can be more destructive than an enemy.” — Angel Moreira
This type of relationship is unhealthy and cannot usually be sustained long term. These are the signs that you may have a secret frenemy in your life:
Tells Your Secrets
A frenemy is not concerned with keeping your confidence, in fact, the opposite is true. This type of person can’t wait for you to tell them all your secrets so that they can use them against you.
They will go out of their way to ask you questions, to gain as much information as they can about you. Although many frenemies want to know all about you they are secretive and avoid telling you too much.
You may realize that people know things about you, even though you haven’t told them. If this does happen consider where they got their information from.
Some people use the technique of telling someone something to see if it gets out. An example of this is if you have two friends tell them both something different and see which one gets repeated. This is a way of discovering who your frenemy is.
Do and Say Things To Upset You
A frenemy does not have your best interests at heart. They are jealous and get pleasure out of seeing you suffer.
They often say things to try and upset you. You may look to them for reassurance but find that they confirm your fears. If you are worried for example that an outfit does not look right on you, they will likely agree that there is a problem.
Any achievements that you achieve will be downplayed by a frenemy. Your success will cause their envy, and they will not want to praise you for your success. They may react to your success in a way that upsets you.
They Bring Up Your Mistakes
Frenemies love nothing more than to rub your face in it. Because they are close to you they are aware of your mistakes. Although you may want nothing more than to forget it, they will not let this happen.
They use any opportunity to remind you of your mistakes. This tactic is used to bring you back down to earth with a bang.
You may have had a small misunderstanding in the past, that you thought was forgotten. Whatever it is that you want to forget, this is not possible with a frenemy.
They Copy You and Compete With You
Does your friend try to dress like you or buy the same things as you? Believe me, this is not a sign of flattery, rather it is something to be concerned about.
Friendship should not be a competition, and your so-called friend should not want to copy everything that you do. This is often done in an attempt to try and be better than you. A real friend will have their own identity and would not feel the need to compete with you.
It is obvious when somebody is copying you, and in this situation, you should try not to give them information, where possible.
Reverse Psychology
If you try to stand up to a frenemy by challenging their behavior then you will likely be made to feel guilty.
A frenemy may gaslight you into thinking that they didn’t mean any harm, and you are the horrible one. This type of person will not admit that they’re the problem, so don’t expect it because you will have a long wait.
Reverse psychology is done to make you feel guilty for questioning the friendship.
What Can You Learn From Frenemies?
The good news is that you can learn some positive lessons by having a frenemy. The lessons that you can learn are:
1. Personality Traits
Once you have experienced a frenemy they are much easier to spot in the future. The signs will be the same and you will recognize the manipulation. It is important to trust your instincts, and consider if it is worth pursuing a friendship with them.
2. Trust
It is important to recognize that you do not need to trust people straight away. Every relationship takes time to develop, and it’s important to protect yourself. If you have a friend that wants to know everything about you but does not tell you much about themselves, you should be asking yourself why.
3. It’s Not Personal
I know it seems personal but I promise you it really isn’t. A frenemy would likely act jealous with any friend because the behavior comes from their own insecurity. Don’t take it personally, and use your energy to meet nice genuine people.
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