Another collaboration by Smillew and Monika
Is This Plane Too Broccolicious For You Babe?
Miss Carrot, can you handle this?
Miss Carrot was sitting in business class, about to enjoy her complimentary orange juice, when broccolicious gangsters burst into the cabin.
They charged in celery points strapped to their stems with giant rubber bands! Truly the meanest of the greenest. After destroying the door with their fluffy-firm brocco heads, the veggie gangsters harangued the pilot with a fantastic rap they’d practiced all their lives. Here was their moment to shine:
“HEY! We’re the Broccolicious Gang, and we’re here to say. We wanna take the plane and ruin all of ya days. So hand it over, and get on all fours or else we’ll get really mad and kick through alla da doors. And If that happens, everyone will get sucked out And then all that’ll be left, is veggie bodies smashed ALL OVA THE GROUND!”
… The pilot couldn’t help but be seduced by it too, bopping along, clapping. Then coming to his senses, he realized the imminent danger he was in and dropped onto all fours in the cockpit conceding the plane. What other choice did the Pilot Man have?
Usually, Miss Carrot didn’t mind planes getting hijacked.
She was rather open to new experiences, but happened to have a very important meeting in San Francisco the next day. She was about to sell her startup, and there were hundreds of millions, if not BILLIONS, on the line.
She hadn’t sacrificed her crispness, nutrient content, and vitamins for TEN YEARS, just to miss that meeting because of stupid broccolis!
Using the space-wrapping wormhole hidden in her purse, Miss Carrot got her hands on the ceramic mandoline slicer she usually kept by her bed. It was actually one of the five she owned. A bit excessive? Maaaybe.. But who is overprepared for this plane attack now MOTHER! Miss Carrot had also practiced so much with mandolines she could probably rip curtains clean in half with her wrists, trust.
Even armed with mandoline and her jacked wrists, Miss Carrot knew that one of her wouldn’t be enough.
In a low voice, Miss carrot throat sang the doppelganger’s incantation she learned the month before during her spirit quest on the Stickly Veg Plains.
This caused her to split half of herself into an army of nubby-fisted little baby carrots, all ready to rumble with the Broccolicious Gangsters. To complete her preparations, Miss Carrot drank every last drop of her orange juice from earlier.
Then posing in her favorite power stance for longer than anyone would expect; Carrot basked in her own glow and noted the added radiance from the juice made her extra intimidating. She sensed this could be the decisive element in the battle to come.
As Miss Carrot was about to leave her seat, she noticed the distraught look on her neighbor’s face as he clutched his empty wine glass and prayed. Feeling sympathetic, she reached into her wormhole purse again and grabbed a bottle of wine from her stash behind the bed that she had made and kept after winning the grape wars many years past.
“Best buckle up too, lad”, she warned and handed it to the shivering side plate.
The Baby Carrot Posse ran towards the front of the plane and challenged the broccolis to a slice and dice.
The full-grown broccolis thought they had the battle won against these babies easy, but then Miss Carrot rounded the corner in ssuuuper slow motion, and the broccolis froze. Stunned, one exclaimed,
“Oh my leafy greens, their leader is so bright! Ahhhh dang! The orange!! It’s blinding!!”
Seeing their demise, the broccolis committed to not going down easy. They threatened to speed up time saying this would cause many of their members to go yellow and sprout fluffy mold. If released in the air, the icky mold would spread all over the plane, condemning everyone to a slow, shrively, slimy gaseous death!
“Don’t make us do it! We will”, The Brocco Gangsters warned.
Oh no! Mold in closed space?! There was only one thing that could save the Carrot Posse at this point. Gathering together rapidly, the carrot babies formed the circle of hope. Joining hands, they summoned The Great Savior.
“Miranda-randa-randa Over here! We need you!!” sang the Carrot Posse.
“Only you can help us defeat the yucky Broccolicious Gangsters. You need to eat them Randa! Eat Miranda eat! Use your teeth! Chew! YOU CAN DO IT MIRANDA! SAVE US! SAVE US ALLLLLLLL!!!!!!”.
*munch…munch, crunch, crunch* “..OHMMmm nummy! DIEDIEDIE. I’m gonna eat dem all!’
“Diediedie?”
I looked over with the slightest bit of concern. Where did that come from?? What stories had her sister been telling her this time..
*sigh*
Nonetheless, that’s how Miranda, my super champ ate all her broccoli yesterday! Yay! She’s the best! Winwinwin!
End notes
Inspiration for the title: Destiny’s Child — Bootylicious
This piece is dedicated to Miranda and all the people working in healthcare. You’re our heroes every day!
“Thanks so much for taking care of us, and please keep remembering to take care of yourself too! Love you, Mei:)” —Monika
“Thank you, Mei. Your sister is one of the most creative person I know. Your family dinners must be amazinglicious!!” — Smillew
