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ring you, walk past them and knock it out of their hands and yell it! Yell it at the dentist while they’re getting their teeth cleaned. Yell it at the grocery store. The possibilities are endless.</p><figure id="3b59"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*[email protected]"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><h2 id="e5e5">Lit</h2><p id="e7f8">Please be advised that, effective immediately, things are no longer described as cool. Cool is now only a temperature and not an adjective. Nothing is cool anymore. Me being number one on that list according to my spawns. Things that were formerly called cool are now described as fye or lit. I like to use “That’s lit, Fam” or “Stay fye!” as a response to as much as I can when my kids deem to speak to me and I don’t know how to respond. Sometimes, I’ll throw in a “That’s crazy, Bru” to mix things up a bit. Please don’t speak like this to adults though. Most of them aren’t FYE or LIT enough to use this vernacular. I will know what you’re talking about though, because I’m fluent. Please PayPal me if you need lessons.</p><figure id="54de"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*[email protected]"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><h2 id="7c3e">Flossing</h2><p id="4aef">I remember when flossing was considered an essential part of the dental hygiene process. Now, it’s a teen dance craze. Much like the Roger Rabbit, Soldier Boy or Running Man dances back in previous eras, this one is just as ridiculous. If you don’t know how to do it or even what it is, drop all hobbies and chores and run straight to YouTube to learn and practice it. This is a current tween movement and you can immediately up your “cool” or “lit” points if you can do this dance. Especially when they have friends over or while at a parent-teacher conference.</p><figure id="c7cd"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*[email protected]"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><h2 id="4a38">Dab Your Tears Away</h2><p id="fbc6">This one absolutely infuriates my thirteen-year-old. Upon entering and exiting a room, do the dab and say, “DAB!” while doing it. Supposedly, it is null and void if you don’t tell people what you are doing when you do it. I think this is because they might mistake you for just stretching or reaching for something or possibly even flexing if you don’t tell them. If you don’t know what th

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e Dab is, see the picture above. That’s it. It is not important at all to do this correctly or with proper form. In fact, the worse you do it, the more irate the kids become (which makes it all the more fun).</p><figure id="96ca"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*[email protected]"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><h2 id="c9a6">The Holy Grail Of Embarrassment</h2><p id="155e">I have found that the number one way to absolutely mortify your children is to do a TikTok video and post it publicly. I did one of my face as a sunshine and I was rapping a song that essentially just had the lyrics “pew, pew, pew.” TikTok is a fairly new social media outlet where one lip-syncs and posts videos of this to the internet for people to comment on and like. I personally am not a huge fan, but it can be kind of funny. However, this stunt turned out so badly for me that I no longer have the app. There is a line that can’t even be crossed with teenagers. But it’s still in my arsenal and I’m not afraid to use it.</p><p id="b31b">That brings me to the end of lesson one of four thousand and seventy. In the meantime, please e-mail me. But only if you don’t want advice. I have no idea what I’m doing.</p><div id="3f90" class="link-block"> <a href="https://kyliesrants.medium.com/my-mixed-tape-is-lit-e91e22166715"> <div> <div> <h2>My Mixed Tape Is Lit</h2> <div><h3>Some of my best work</h3></div> <div><p>kyliesrants.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*[email protected])"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="ae16" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-parenting-issues-you-need-to-know-about-4f207aa0cb99"> <div> <div> <h2>The Parenting Issues You Need To Know About</h2> <div><h3>To the parents that are just getting started, it’s not all fun and games</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*nxJi1ObyhOmfnS3d)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Parenting

Is This Hell Or Puberty? Parenting Teenagers

God made them jerks so you will let them fly away.

I remember when I had young, precious babies that would rush to me and fling themselves upon me as soon as I would walk in the door every afternoon from work. They told me they loved me all the time and gave me hugs and kisses and unlimited daily compliments. Those days are over for me. At least until I have grandchildren.

I have reached the long-dreaded stage of my life where I have two teenagers and a “tween” at home (and one 21 year old that has flown the nest). That means that after a long, hard day of work, I get to come home to angst-filled glares, attitudes and eye rolls.

Don’t send help! I know it sounds terrifying, but I have adjusted by acclimating to them and their lifestyle and they could not be more horrified. I thought I’d share some of my best teen parenting tips. And, according to my kids, these tips are coming straight to you from the biggest loser on the planet Earth. You’re welcome, in advance.

Please note: I am not actually a doctor or a parenting expert of any kind. I also don’t work in the mental health field or with children outside of my own.

Stay Woke

In today’s generation, being “woke” means being aware of surroundings and current situations. In other words, being aware is now called being woke or staying woke (if you want to stay aware). So, if my kids are running late in the morning or don’t want to get out of bed, I’ll throw ice water on them and yell, “Stay woke!” This has proven effective time and time again. You can also eat all the dinner available and when they finally come down to dinner, thirty minutes after dinner time, you can yell, “Stay woke!” It really can be useful in thousands of different scenarios. If they’re on the phone and ignoring you, walk past them and knock it out of their hands and yell it! Yell it at the dentist while they’re getting their teeth cleaned. Yell it at the grocery store. The possibilities are endless.

Lit

Please be advised that, effective immediately, things are no longer described as cool. Cool is now only a temperature and not an adjective. Nothing is cool anymore. Me being number one on that list according to my spawns. Things that were formerly called cool are now described as fye or lit. I like to use “That’s lit, Fam” or “Stay fye!” as a response to as much as I can when my kids deem to speak to me and I don’t know how to respond. Sometimes, I’ll throw in a “That’s crazy, Bru” to mix things up a bit. Please don’t speak like this to adults though. Most of them aren’t FYE or LIT enough to use this vernacular. I will know what you’re talking about though, because I’m fluent. Please PayPal me if you need lessons.

Flossing

I remember when flossing was considered an essential part of the dental hygiene process. Now, it’s a teen dance craze. Much like the Roger Rabbit, Soldier Boy or Running Man dances back in previous eras, this one is just as ridiculous. If you don’t know how to do it or even what it is, drop all hobbies and chores and run straight to YouTube to learn and practice it. This is a current tween movement and you can immediately up your “cool” or “lit” points if you can do this dance. Especially when they have friends over or while at a parent-teacher conference.

Dab Your Tears Away

This one absolutely infuriates my thirteen-year-old. Upon entering and exiting a room, do the dab and say, “DAB!” while doing it. Supposedly, it is null and void if you don’t tell people what you are doing when you do it. I think this is because they might mistake you for just stretching or reaching for something or possibly even flexing if you don’t tell them. If you don’t know what the Dab is, see the picture above. That’s it. It is not important at all to do this correctly or with proper form. In fact, the worse you do it, the more irate the kids become (which makes it all the more fun).

The Holy Grail Of Embarrassment

I have found that the number one way to absolutely mortify your children is to do a TikTok video and post it publicly. I did one of my face as a sunshine and I was rapping a song that essentially just had the lyrics “pew, pew, pew.” TikTok is a fairly new social media outlet where one lip-syncs and posts videos of this to the internet for people to comment on and like. I personally am not a huge fan, but it can be kind of funny. However, this stunt turned out so badly for me that I no longer have the app. There is a line that can’t even be crossed with teenagers. But it’s still in my arsenal and I’m not afraid to use it.

That brings me to the end of lesson one of four thousand and seventy. In the meantime, please e-mail me. But only if you don’t want advice. I have no idea what I’m doing.