Is There a Right Time To Move On From the Pandemic?

To some, it doesn't feel right yet.

Is it over?

I can only speak for myself. There are still days when I live each day like yesterday. I go through the motion of living until it is nighttime, I fall asleep, and there goes another day.

I wasn't afraid in 2020. Mom was still alive, and I was full of resolve that if Mom got sick with Covid-19, I was ready to die with her.

She was a dialysis patient. So we need to be in the hospital three times a week.

It wasn't easy. Every time we were at the hospital, we took a risk, especially for Mom. And at that time, when someone got sick, they would be left alone in the hospital, which was my fear, but I promised myself that I would not allow Mom to be alone when that happens.

But Mom had other plans, and God conspired with her.

In 2021, she had a fall, nothing severe, but she decided she wanted to stay at home and stop her dialysis.

We all knew what would happen next in the days that followed, but we already made a pact among our children even before the pandemic.

Whenever the time comes that Mom wants to stop her dialysis treatments, we will respect her decision and wait for the day she will rest.

It took 21 days before she finally said goodbye. She was at home. She was loved.

Everything was forgiven. It was beautiful.

I never thought I would miss Mom as much. We all knew she was at the end of her life. When she passed, she was 81, two weeks before her birthday.

As I am writing this, tomorrow would have been her 83rd birthday. But instead, it has been a year since she passed. Yet, I still dream of her and often wonder if she is alive.

The year has passed so quickly that if you ask me what I have done in the past year, I probably will leave you with a very shortlist.

In 2021 I was more afraid even if I had my vaccine. So I only go out to buy food or see my family the few times when the cases are down or when the lockdown is lifted, only to have it reinstated when cases go up.

This year is no different, and besides, I have been sickly. So I still don't go out even if the restrictions have been lifted.

A few days before we welcomed the new year, I was sick. I had to self-quarantine because I had the symptoms.

I was sick on New Year's eve, and I was still ill on New Year's Day.

Coronavirus game over!

The world we’re entering is not a continuation of the last two years. You should think about your next few months the way you should think about your next few decades. — Tomas Pueyo

When I read this article by Tomas Pueyo, it made sense to me, I'm not saying that the fear was gone right away, but it helped me process my feelings, my mental state, and the future.

I worry more about the younger ones in the family and my 83-year-old father.

I know he is having difficulty dealing with the constant pressure to stay at home. The things he enjoyed doing before the pandemic he can't do as often, or that he can't see a lot of people, as even if he has already been vaccinated, he can still get sick from it.

But there are still days when I remain sad. I still can't find the energy to be sociable even online amongst my friends. I feel there is still a wall I have to break until I can be back to my old self.

Most of the time, I wonder about Mom. If she were alive, she would have been vaccinated, but she would still be at risk, and I know her movements will even be more restricted, and most of her days will be spent in a hospital, and will that be a life she would want to continue living?

Even if she is alive today, she would never have her old life back, and while I wish she could still be here, it wouldn't be fair to her.

She left us so she could have her rest.

I'm grateful to Mom and God for allowing us to bury her properly the way she wanted it to be, for most of us, her family to be there, and for our Dad to be with us until we said our final goodbyes.

But many families were not as lucky. Some are still hurting today, for not having that closure, for not seeing their loved ones, that one last chance before they died.

To many, grief is an unfinished business, although I can say that grief will never completely go away. So for many people, moving on with their lives this year remains a far-fetched idea.

Some of Us Don't Have the Luxury of Moving On From COVID-19

When I read this story today, I feel sad for her, and many like her. I know if Mom were still alive, I would feel the same.

A few days ago, I watched the Super Bowl, and there were about 70,000 people in attendance.

A lot of people have moved on and starting to live their lives. I'm happy for them.

The world didn't end with the pandemic to those who moved on or slowly moved forward.

We all have to learn to live with the virus. There will always be deaths. There will always be diseases. There will always be grief.

But there will also be joy and life.

The world is for the living, and for those who can't right now, it will happen tomorrow, and I can only wish when that day happens, that you will find the joy to enjoy life because every moment from hereon is a precious moment, a gift to us who survived the pandemic.