How My Mom Got Her Superpowers Back in the Afterlife

February 17, 1939 — February 02, 2021

Every second of the month, I miss you, MOM.

My Mom passed away on February 02, 2021. February being her birthday month which she shares with many family members, will never be the same without her.

Don’t you notice in your family where a month is extra special as many family members are celebrating their birthdays? For our family, it was February.

My Mom’s passing was beautiful.

She didn’t die alone. She didn’t die in the hospital. She died with us around her.

I love you. — Nanay

It was her last words.

My Mom was a dialysis patient for close to seven years. I was with her during all those seven years. But, the family was around her too. My eldest sister took care of her daily needs, especially in the last years of her life.

My journey with Mom.

I will be the first to say it wasn’t easy. But Life isn’t supposed to be easy, or as Nightbirde said during her golden buzzer moment,

You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy — Nightbirde.

There are many stories during the seven years. Not everything was good and happy. I know I made my Mom feel bad, or she felt she was a burden too hard to carry for my siblings and me.

But everything changed in her last 21 days. We all knew she would be gone soon. I knew she would be gone. Mom knew she would be gone.

Mom said her goodbyes.

My parents separated when I was 12, and on July 17 this year, they would have been married for 61 years, as my eldest sister pointed out.

Mom never loved another man except my Dad.

It was one of the many lessons she left as she was dying. That when she let go of Dad, it was a sacrifice on her part. She had to let go of him, as he has a journey of his own that doesn't include her or us.

Dad found his true north as a photographer.

On the days that Mom was dying, my Dad would visit her. He would tell her to eat, as she hasn't been eating anymore. She would eat. She would gain some strength and live for another day.

And when it was happening, it was a cause of happiness for us, their children. So I guess, as children, you still wish that your parents will never have to separate, that they get to live the happy ending.

Those last 21 days, Mom made everything right. She made sure if I will ever feel that I failed her, that it wasn’t true. If I ever think I ever hurt her, that all is forgiven. She knows I am her copy.

Mom doesn’t say it much, but on the days she was trying to sleep, she would whisper in my ear, “ I love you.”

She said the same to all my sisters, nephews, and nieces, to a special great-grandchild, MatMat, who gave her joy as she breathes her last.

On the day she left us, she waited for him to come and said Goodbye.

The night before she died, she also had the only man she loved, our Dad.

Mom got her superpowers back.

“ … and like the phoenix rises above its own ashes.”

The days that followed were hard. And the grief never ends. It never does. I made peace with my grief.

One day, I read a line from the TV series, Wandavision — What Is Grief if Not Love Persevering? And that one line from episode eight of WandaVision has become a defining moment of the series and helped millions of people worldwide get to understand their grief, including myself.

It helped me cope with the unthinkable loss of my mother’s death.

But I begin to notice that Mom’s hands are at work.

I noticed that all I have to do is ask Mom or Nanay how we call her. When my heart is sore, all I need is to ask her to comfort me, and I can feel her loving arms wrapped around me.

Even if she can’t hug me through other people, she was able to hug me. My best friend was there to welcome me in his home, to let me grieve in private, to make sure I am fed and be there when I wanted someone to talk to, of which I can never repay him for his kindness.

When I moved to a new place to be closer to my Dad, Mom is here, making sure that I can be happy every day, even for a moment.

I went back into writing.

And whenever I needed anything, all I need is to ask it from her, a request or a plea.

Until I stopped because I feel it is asking too much from Mom and that she should be resting now. Until I had a dream.

I still dream of you, Mom.

With my birthday coming up, and it happens every year, I get sad, and this year is particularly hard.

From handling my finances to the number of stories, I feel I need to write (this has to change soon) and what the future will be like, the past few days have been difficult.

Last night, I dreamed of Mom, and she is walking by herself again, which she hasn't been able to do in the last two years of her life.

I know she is sending me a message that she is here — all I need to do is ask.

That everything will be OK! It’s OK if I fall or fail, she will there to catch me.

Last Words

Life does work out in the end. I have to remind myself. It was one of Mom’s final lessons she wants me to learn and my siblings.

And that she had to go so that she can regain her superpowers back and that she can start taking care of us again. She was, after all, a Super Mom or Super Nanay.

I love you, Nanay (Mom), and see you soon. Until then, I only ask that the dreams never end, that you continue to wrap your arms around me, and that you continue to love me because I love you more now than yesterday.