Is Love Too Risky for You?
It was for me, but my life is better now
I can’t believe you are too scared to say I Love You to your husband in front of your family. I hate to admit it but this is something my husband said to me after many years of marriage. He was right.
The Risk of Expressing Love
My family doesn’t say I Love You. So what exactly was the risk I was avoiding? I wonder as much as anyone. Did I think that my family wouldn’t love me as much if they heard me utter such an expression of my own feelings for my husband? How would I even know if they did, it’s not like they would say so. Why would they feel it or say it? Great questions, I have no answers.
The deeper I dig, I hope even more for answers. Unfortunately, I can’t come up with many that make sense. The best I’ve got is that I believed I would lose respect. I had a picture in my mind that I maintained as the way others saw me. I was respected as tough and strong. Love just didn’t fit the bill.
The Truth and the Problem
Honestly, it was a perceived image and perceived respect. And, even worst-case scenario, if it were true and my image lost tough or strong and gained loving as a descriptor, what’s wrong with that? And, if some respect was lost for some odd reason, the benefits still outweighed the losses anyway. So, finally, I took the risk. I freed myself to express my feelings of love to my husband in front of my family.
If that was the end of the problem, that would be great. It was not. You know how when you uncover one problem and try to fix it, several others seem to surface. That is what happened. I realized that I was operating from the same perspective with other people in my life as well: my perceived image was skewed and not allowing room for me to grow into my best self.
Work, Work, Work, Work, Work
So, what do you do when you find that you are not living your best life? You work, work, work and then work and work some more. I know I said work a lot of times. That is because it is a lot of work to uncover the beliefs that operate inside us. These beliefs label opportunities as risks. The work is identifying and rerouteing the risk management techniques we have build.
There are two simple questions, that are actually hard work for many people, that can help. I’ve been revisiting them in all parts of my life are: What do I want in my life and Who do I want to be?
If you have always lived in your own truth this is really not very hard at all. But, if you have lived your life the way you thought you “should” and spent a lot of time serving others' needs before your own then it is most likely you have lost sight of the answers to these two questions.
Our minds are tricky. They allow us to operate in high gear, thinking that our path of helping others is exactly where we want to be and that we don’t personally need anything for ourselves. I have told myself that for years. I have lied to myself for years. I have told myself so many lies that it is hard to even answer those two simple questions. I am going to keep asking, keep answering, and keep working my way to my best life every day.
Final Thoughts
I am thankful for the risks involved in love. That was the first crack in my image. The rest of the crumble would not be possible otherwise. I am glad to have the opportunity to analyze each of the crumbled pieces by themselves as I rebuild my stronger and more authentic self.
Thank you for reading! I hope everyone finds the perfect risk tolerance that allows them to live their best life.
Thank you to Diana C. for the great idea of opening the floor to writer-inspired prompts. This is only the second day, but I can tell you have trained us well-great prompts and responses so far!
Thank you to Riku Arikiri for today’s prompt: Do you willingly take risks, knowing you might fail regarding matters of love?
