Is it Racist to Specify Racial Preferences on a Dating Profile?
What if you could write what you really wanted to say on your Tinder profile?
Amanda Jayne O'Hare asked a question in one of her recent stories that got me thinking really hard about something I’ve always wanted to include in a dating profile. Amanda asks:
“What if you could write what you really wanted to say on your Tinder profile?”
The second I read that line my mind jumped to three simple words I’ve been dying to state in a dating profile, but have always hesitated because of the way it would be interpreted.
At the risk of pissing off all the people from a specific culture, let me clarify first because we’re allowed to have preferences, but there’s no way to state this particular preference without coming off as racist.
Having a legit reason is moot if swipers see the three words and automatically assume you’re a racist jerk.
The honest truth is that my preference has nothing to do with an entire race at all, just one culture among that race. Another truth is it’s not even the entire culture — it’s just a tiny handful of people within the culture based on personal experiences.
But alas, no one would ever take the time to inquire after seeing such a preference put into words. Hence, I have never made the statement in a profile.
According to one writer we’re arrogant and rude the instant we ask where someone is from. I disagree.
His article sounds as if he feels like a trophy on a shelf when someone is interested in knowing more about his ancestry. This alienates those of us who’d genuinely like to know more about you.
Everyone is entitled to their feelings I guess, but sometimes questions are misinterpreted based on the subject’s own experiences.
Others want to know where people are from for very specific reasons, and unless we can filter out certain UN-preferences by stating it bluntly we will continue to come off as arrogant and rude by asking where you’re from.
Racial preferences aren’t as simple as preferring blondes or brunettes. Certain cultures have characteristics and beliefs that aren’t in line with our own and it’s not a crime nor a racist act to admit it.
How else are we supposed to find what we’re looking for without stating it bluntly? No one can tell where someone is from by looking at a photo.
Dating is something that occupies a significant amount of time if you’re serious about it. We should be able to feel comfortable filtering out what we know we don’t want in order to make room for what we do want.
That’s kind of the point in doing it online, isn’t it?
Sadly, dating apps don’t allow for specifics. You can only check off white, black, or Asian boxes. Slotting an entire gender into a few check boxes feels more discriminatory than asking where a person is from, in my opinion.
The beauty in online dating portals is being able to expedite the process before embarking on the whole escapade of getting ready, meeting up, obligatory pleasantries, and ultimately — rejections.
The truth is the bulk of those real-life rejections wouldn’t need to happen if we all felt more free to say what we’d really like to say in our dating profiles.
Sure, this all may sound small-minded in theory but if it’s a preference then so be it.
We may be able to be friends with people from all cultures and backgrounds but relationships are a significantly different beast. Real life has a lot more shades of gray than the options we’re offered on a dating app.
Some of my other opinions about dating apps:
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