Is Honesty Always the Best Policy or Is It Okay to Sometimes Lie?

Sam Harris and Ricky Gervais discuss the pros and cons of lying

Sam Harris recently uploaded a free episode of the podcast he does with Ricky Gervais, Absolutely Mental. In this one, they discuss lying. I have included the episode at the bottom of this article if you want to listen to it. But first I will summarise the main points I got from it.

So, Sam is very much of the view that lying is almost always bad. But Ricky says that some white lies are necessary. Let’s look at the various points they spoke about.

Self-defence

Sam said that the only situation when lying is good is when you do it in self-defence. If you are faced with someone who wants to harm you, it is okay to lie to them so you can escape.

Sparing people’s feelings

Ricky said that he often tells white lies to his friends because he doesn’t want to upset them.

For example, if a friend were to ask his opinion about a creative project they were working on, he would say it was good, even if he thought it was bad. He values their happiness more than telling the brutal truth in that situation.

Also, Ricky said he doesn’t want the responsibility of preventing someone from pursuing their dream.

Sam countered this by saying that if you’re always honest, people will value your praise more when you do give it.

He recalled a situation many years ago when a friend of his had written a screenplay. He showed it to Sam, who thought it was terrible, and gave him honest feedback.

Although that friend may have initially been upset, he later came to value Sam’s opinion more. He knew that he would only go to Sam for feedback if he genuinely wanted the truth.

That friend has since gone on to become a successful screenwriter.

Not pretending there is a Santa

Sam said that he hasn’t even pretended to his children that Santa exists. Ricky was surprised by this, thinking that the children might enjoy the fun of believing in Santa.

Sam said that he’d heard of situations where children later resented having been lied to about Santa. When they discovered that Santa wasn’t real, they were upset that their parents lied to them about it. It damaged the relationship between parent and child.

Sam even spoke about a particular set of religious parents who didn’t want to lie about Santa. They feared that the children might later think they were also lying about religion.

Not having to remember your lies

Sam said that one big problem with lying is that it creates a tremendous mental overhead. A lot of energy goes into trying to remember your lies and keeping your stories straight.

Free of the need to lie, Sam feels that life is easier. He knows that whatever situation he finds himself in he is always going to be truthful. So then he doesn’t have to worry in advance about what to say.

Giving others permission to be honest too

Sam said that people often lie about how well they are coping with life. This is particularly true with social media. People are always trying to project a perfect life out to the world.

He said that when his wife had just given birth to their first daughter, she was exhausted a lot of the time. Rather than invent excuses for not going to social events, she decided to be honest about how exhausted she was. This seemed to give other parents permission to also be honest about how exhausted they were.

Withholding information is not necessarily lying

Sam pointed out that there is a difference between lying and withholding information. Being honest doesn’t mean always saying everything that comes into your head. You can still know when it’s wise to keep your mouth shut. That doesn’t count as lying.

Similarly, if someone asks you a very personal question, it’s okay to not give that information. It’s fine to say, “That’s none of your business.” That’s still an honest answer.

The episode was nearly fifty minutes long, so I don’t cover every detail they spoke about. But these were the main points that stuck with me. I hope you found it interesting and/or helpful.

If you want to listen to the episode yourself, here it is:

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