LOVE

Is He a Narcissist? Could He Be a Psychopath? Or Is He Just in a Bad Mood?

Excerpts from the novel The Happiest Town in the World

Narcissist? Psychopath? — We should be careful about making this kind of diagnosis.

It seems that many people in some situations show narcissistic or slightly psychopathic traits, without this qualifying for that type of label.

Sometimes however it may be wise to try to look more closely at how some people behave in relationships.

We can describe and compare behaviour between people:

— Are there unexpected, major changes in mood and behaviour?

— Is there unfounded aggression or uncontrollable anger?

— Is he or she trying to manipulate people?

— Does he or she often make his or her partner unhappy?

Dear Lars

Last night you were angry with me because you say I do not talk to you, that we do not talk. If that’s the truth, and you get it right — yes then, why don’t you yourself talk to me? I am your woman; I want to be your friend like we were before. And this is the truth. What I tell you now — that’s the truth there is, and you can’t change the truth, because this truth is my truth. And my love — you cannot change it, no way.

Therefore, dear Lars, it is so that I do what I want to do because now I know what I have to do, what I need to do. We have to finish this, and you cannot do anything about it — it’s not your job, you have no right to decide in my life.

I am a real, independent individual. I want my life. I want to control my life regardless of your whims, your points of view, and your misleading opinions. It’s just the way it is, and I have made it clear to myself. We can handle what we have, but sometimes we have to talk our way through and out of it. And then we must talk together. And you and I — we do not talk.

Tomorrow we have to talk together. We must be willing to show some of what we would rather not show. We must be willing to reveal parts of our secrets to each other because that’s how we show each other who we are.

You must respect that I am who I am, and I will respect that you are who you are. You must be as you are, but that does not mean you can ignore me. Or you can ignore me, if you decide to do so, your case will be lost anyway, because no one will stand up for you instead of me. And it is my conviction that no one should unpunished ignore the closest person.

(From the novel The Happiest Town in the World, chapter 29, Dear Husband.)

“Listen”, I say, “can we talk?”

“What is it?” he asks.

“I think we need to talk.”

“Talk? About what then?”

He looks at me silently. I bow my head, unable to look at him.

“About us, you and me”, I say.

“Why is that? Is there something wrong?”

“What do you think, then?”

“Oh, how can I know that? It was you who started talking about it.”

“I do not think we get along well here in this house.”

“Oh! Well, I see! So, what is it then? What have I done wrong now?”

I can barely mumble a few words, but I immediately regret it. It sounds just completely banal, so stupid.

I have long felt that he and I live together under the same roof, and that we totally lack the ability to listen to each other. I have felt that I live in an exile. I am in a way expelled from my own life. And I feel I have to do something about it. This does not work anymore. I have to deal with it. I have to get out. There is no way, no other way than the way out.

To be on the inside may be to be allowed to love, love him and love the kids, and to feel love. To be on the inside must be knowing that I belong together with him in the family, and to know that he and the others care and need me.

To be on the inside or on the outside can sometimes be a choice that I myself cannot make.

(From The Happiest Town in the World, chapter 30.)

I reach out under the covers. I search blindly, want him nearby.

He turns around, silently in the dark, lie down further afield from me.

I lie frozen under the covers. I long for the heat from the other.

He’s miles remote.

It is not easy to live up to what one thinks one should do. I’m trying. I try to reach out, try to show him that I’m interested, that I want to talk to him, that I want to be with him. But he does not care. He rejects me.

I forget quickly, but then I remember again. I long so much for the warmth from him that I had earlier. My body screams to be there, close to him. I miss him so much. But now he’s miles away from me.

(From The Happiest Town in the World, chapter 38.)

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