NOVEL

“You Have Yours Around You”

The Love We Had, Chapter 38

38

I’m alone in a silent room. There is emptiness around me, emptiness inside me.

I’m trying to look through the ugly, gray haze.

I say to myself that I’m not lonely. I’m not alone, and I have a good time.

Because I have my children.

I have my life.

I have myself.

Everyone needs someone else. Everyone needs to give something to others. Feeling lonely is a feeling that everyone can have sometimes, but no one is alone all the time. There are always others around you that you can turn to.

I cannot know all that they know. One good thing about being human is that man is a herd animal. I can be outside the herd, or I can be included in the herd.

In the span between the two conditions, there are many variants. When I feel lonely like now, I think:

“You have yours around you.” “You have someone who cares, and you should always have them.” “You must always remember that you have your loved ones.”

He turns around

I reach out under the covers. I search blindly, want him near

He turns around, silently in the dark, lie down further afield from me.

I lie frozen under the covers. I long for the heat from the other.

He’s miles remote.

It is not easy to live up to what one thinks one should do. I’m trying. I try to reach out, try to show him that I’m interested, that I want to talk to him, that I want to be with him. But he does not care. He rejects me.

I forget quickly, but then I remember again. I long so much for the warmth from him that I had earlier. My body screams to be there, close to him. I miss him so much. But now he’s miles away from me.

The stranger lies in bed next to me. The stranger is he with whom I’ve shared a bed for over twenty years.

Sometimes I think: “Has the stranger always been a stranger to me, or has a change occurred on the road, an unknown place where I and he lost each other?”

“Is it too late?” I have many times asked myself.

“It’s too late,” he probably has also thought. But is it really serious this time?

He’s really just a stranger. One I had thought was another, different. I thought he was one who belonged to me and one who stood close to me. But I do not feel that way. No, the stranger may always have been a stranger, even though I have known him for twenty years.

It is not easy to say whether it is possible to change anything about this. When I talk to him, he looks at me with a look that says he is not here. He is not present. And he does not understand what I really mean.

“You and Dad shall not divorce!” the youngest says. I have my back turned to her, and I turn around seeing the child’s naked face.

She is serious, she is pale. She squeezes lips together, anxious for my answer.

I get up, put my arms around her, closing the eyes and pinches well.

“No, my dear Serine. We will not,” I mumble.

I regretted it right after I said it. It was not right of me to say it this way. I have to make amends, erase the stupid words, this stupid mistake I made.

The best thing about all this is the kids. We have these little people, three little bodies, walking between us. Which reminds us that they are here, that they exist. Which reminds us of where we are and our responsibilities.

We are worried about the little ones. We are anxious, and we know we have to take them seriously.

I have to be careful. I must always remember that they are here, always remember that they can see things or hear things that hurt. The worst thing is to hurt, to do harm to innocent little children.

The story that the novel tells takes place in a small industrial town at the end of a fjord in western Norway. The story being told and the characters are fictional.

The photos included in the chapters are taken on location in Odda and in the Odda Smelter (Odda Smelteverk, 1906–2003), the carbide factory that is part of the story.

The Love We Had

Part 1 The Longest Night -chapters 1–3, told by Lars. Part 2 The Light Inside -chapters 4–17, told by Aslak. Part 3 Save Our Secret Love -chapters 18–48, told by Eira.

Changes in the publication schedule, information for followers

This is chapter 38 of a total of 48 in the novel The Love We Had. Chapters 1 to 38 have been published continuously, usually daily, on medium.com, mostly in the publication ILLUMINATION Book Chapters.

Due to copyright and other considerations, the following changes will be made to the publication schedule: A selection of four or five of the remaining ten chapters (39–48) will be published here in the coming weeks. The entire novel will be published in fall 2021.

I want to give something back to the readers who have supported me in this work, and I will therefore give loyal followers who have read and shown support free access to the e-book version of the novel.

Gratitude and thanks to followers, supporters, and readers:

Dr Mehmet Yildiz, George J. Ziogas, Upasana Sharma, Ivette Cruz, Floyd Mori, Anne Bonfert, Claire Kelly, Josie Elbiry, jenine bsharah baines, ILLUMINATION, Karen Madej, The Garrulous Glaswegian, Graceygee, Madelynsmith, Bill Abbate, Britni Pepper, Francesco Rizzuto, Ellyn Ash, LuluParadise, Ammar Ibrahim, Mario López-Goicoechea, Dr. Preeti Singh, Lorenzo Lombardi, IDONGESIT SUNDAY, Lover Boy in Space, Carol Price, Karen Barbara Brown, Josemasf, Glenn Fujii, Freda Savahl, Warren Brown, Arthur Ramirez, Joann Mccormack, John Cunningham, Cd Ross, Eric Wolf, Theresa Bellone, Story Time by Utkarsh, Abiqalnouhaila, jeffry cade, London Eyes

The Love We Had

Part 1 The Longest Night -chapters 1–3, told by Lars. Part 2 The Light Inside -chapters 4–17, told by Aslak. Part 3 Save Our Secret Love -chapters 18–48, told by Eira.

For quick access to chapters 1–38, go here.

Previous: Chapter 37 This Is What I’ve Been Waiting For

A writing challenge

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Øivind H. Solheim writes fiction, essays and articles aiming to help others understanding life, other humans and themselves. He has published five novels, two non-fiction books and a poetry book.

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