Is Anyone Else Out There Getting Old, or no?

How to phrase a question that gets engagement regardless of age

This story isn’t about age, it’s about wisdom.

What does getting old mean? Like, what’s your definition? When does it happen? Old meant decrepit to me since I learned the word. Though now that I am no longer young, it also means having lived for a long time.

On Twitter yesterday I saw a stupid tweet with way too many likes.

This tweet bothers me. It’s a terrible question that thousands felt the need to respond to.

Do the likes and replies mean everyone is sick? Of course not. Why do people ask questions looking for assurance that a bad thing is happening to other people besides them? Does it comfort them if others are experiencing the same issues?

For instance, I’ve seen Medium writers post on Twitter, “Are anyone else’s numbers down? My numbers are down.”

Someone replies, “Yeah! My numbers are down!”

“So are mine!”

“Me too!”

Is the person comforted that it’s not just them? Or does it make them think, “The problem isn’t my writing, it’s something else that is beyond my control. My writing is perfect and couldn’t be better.”

That’s my theory.

Honestly, I don’t get it. Maybe someone else does. It’s an observation and a question, which are the foundation of a good tweet. Possibly a banger.

Now to execute. How to explain this in a Tweet? The solution to expressing such complex sentiment in a way that will get likes on Twitter is satire.

Nobody got it, because it was convoluted as fuck. But it got engagement. Not quite a banger but I’ll take it.

The goal of the question was to get to get a better understanding of something I didn't understand. My tweet demonstrates that this phrase triggers a response in a large number of people.

After 14 years I’m still learning the art of crafting Tweets. Put the right words together to reach millions and change the world.

For a tweet to go viral it needs engagement. To trigger people to click by any means necessary.

If something gets good engagement on Twitter, I can usually shoehorn it into a Medium story that makes 50 bucks.

And look! We’re already halfway through it!

As Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她) said in story last week, the cool thing about Medium is that it’s the only social media site that’s average user age isn’t 17. There are senior citizens here. And they’re not just here to see pictures of their grandkids.

Any time I mention getting old, a seventy something person will tell me to shut the fuck up. I know nothing of aging. I’m still young.

My first noticeable sign of decline was my hairline. Around thirty my hairline said, “Welp, it’s been a good run, I’m going to hang back about 2 inches in a weird pattern for the next 15 years at least. On the plus side you won’t have single grey hair till your 40. Byeeee!”

I was disturbed when it started happening. I stopped going to the barber and just cut it short. My understanding was it receded until it was all gone.

Nope, after that major retreat it’s receding very slowly if at all.

What I’m scared of getting that middle age face. Almost all my friends my age have that middle age face. It’s when you get those mouth lines. I think you just wake up with them one day.

Even more terrifying is old man posture. When I was nine, I saw my friend’s dad walking into our synagogue. The guy wasn’t even 40 yet and had a hump on his back.

I asked my dad if that’s what happens if we don’t stand up straight? Without missing a beat, he says yes. Ever since that day I’ve walked around like I had a broom up my ass.

I’m already having trouble seeing things. Up until this year I could read anything no matter how small the print. The other day I was trying to read something off a box and needed a magnifying glass.

Hearing is a big one in my family. My grandpa couldn’t hear shit. He’d drive across Florida with his turn signal on. I was terrified of him because he was so loud.

Okay old people reading this, I know I’m not old, but allow me to acknowledge aging. Clearly, we are worried about it. You say we shouldn’t worry about it yet, but how?

The mirror reflects a face that wasn’t the same face we knew 5 years ago. I’m a lot closer to death than birth.

At the same time, I don’t feel old. When do I finally wake up, look at a pair of Docker khakis, and think, “I should wear these…”?

I need advice. However, not from those people. They all look younger than me. Except for that font. Blech.

I don’t want advice from someone who needs to stand outside to convince me they’ve been there.

Life advice should be given by people who have lived it. I want advice from old people.

I lost my source of good adult advice when my dad passed away. Most of the people older than me I know in real life are idiots, fuck-ups, or republicans.

The senior citizens I know on Medium are ballers. People who’ve lived successful and fulfilling lives that didn’t make them bitter.

Why don’t the people with life experience here write advice? Seriously, I want to know. Everyone I know over 65 wants to write humor. Tries to write humor anyways. Good try. Hear me out though.

You can still do humor and lay some wisdom on us. I don’t know about the kids, but us middle-aged adults would love to hear it.

You got to learn how to package it. You say you don’t care, and you write for yourself. We both know that’s bullshit. You want the clicks.

I’ve written a guide about how to write titles that get the clicks. Nobody’s read it. A year old it has less than 300 views. The only reason it has that many is Napoleon keeps touting what a game changer it was for him.

Read my guide. Everyone. It will change the way you think about titles. You know these kids aren’t better writers than you, they just know how to work social media.

The title for this story is completely absurd. Of course, were all getting older. We’re supposed to getting wiser too.

Okay boomers, humor me. I want advice in the form of your life stories and what you learned from them.

Your life is very thrilling now with doctors' appointments, all your friends dying, and the pills. I’ve read that. Great stuff. Love those.

I want to hear about how you got to where you are now. What you learned on the way.

Your memories and experiences aren’t going to record themselves. Make an impact on the next generation. Are scared someone you know will see it? Why? Tell me a story.

Your words have more power than you think, what do you want your message to be?