Leadership | Self-Improvement

Introverts and Extroverts: What’s the Difference?

Learn why you and others behave as they do

We are bombarded with lots of buzzwords and psychological terms these days.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? What are your MBTI letters? Right brain or left brain? Then we dive further into the murky depths and wonder whether we are red, yellow, or blue. Or maybe a lion or a snake. What? I’m a person, aren’t I?

I don’t know what animal or color you are, but I can help with a simple explanation of extroverts and introverts.

A common belief is that introverts are shy, and extroverts are more outgoing. This is not accurate.

The major difference between introverts and extroverts is whether they get their energy from being alone or with other people, how they recharge.

According to the theories of Carl Jung, introverts are focused inwardly, and extroverts are focused outwardly.

We are not entirely introverted or extroverted either. They are extremes.

“There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.” Carl G. Jung.

We are all on a continuum, and where we are can change depending on circumstance. No place on the continuum is better or worse than another. The important thing is to know where you and others sit.

What’s more, according to author Susan Cain, our society is split almost equally between introverts and extroverts.

“A more recent study, published by the Center for Applications of Psychological Type Research Services in 1996 sampled 914,219 people and found that 49.3 percent were extroverts and 50.7 percent were introverts.” — Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.

Why is knowing if we are introverts or extroverts important?

Because knowing how other people tick is a massive first step to understanding them, communicating more effectively, and getting on with them better. Whether at work, at home, or when you are out and about knowing your introvert from your extrovert will help you.

Traits of Introverts

“I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.” — Audrey Hepburn.

If you are introverted, you will:

• Be energized by staying home and not seeing anyone, possibly for days.
• Have a few close friends.
• Dislike large social events and find them draining.
• Live in your own head, preferring to write and think rather than talk.
• Work out problems by thinking.
• Be a private person and averse to sharing personal information with others.
• Need peace and quiet to think and concentrate.
• Turn down some social invitations because you already have plans to stay home alone.
• Talk to a small group of people you know well at a party if you go at all.
• Feel drained after a week of working at the office with other people or a large event.

“There is a tremendous difference between alone and lonely. You could be lonely in a group of people. I like being alone. I like eating by myself. I go home at night and just watch a movie or hang out with my dog. I have to exert myself and really say, oh God, I’ve got to see my friends because I’m too content by myself.” ~ Drew Barrymore

In the YouTube talk below, Simon Sinek talks about introverts having so many coins to spend per day. Every interaction is a coin spent. Whereas an extrovert gains a coin with every interaction.

Traits of Extroverts

“I’m a nonstop extrovert, a people person who loves mingling and gabbing and getting out in the world.” — Meghan McCain.

You are an extrovert if:

• Being with people energize you.
• You need to get out of the house and see people most days.
• You like parties, the bigger, the better.
• At the parties, you circulate and talk to as many people as possible, including new people.
• You seek out ways to meet new people.
• You are a joiner; Meetup is your friend.
• You are on the social committee at work and regularly organize lunches, dinners, outings for your colleagues and friends.
• You have lots of friends.
• If you stay home for a day, you spend some of it on the phone with your friends and some time organizing future events.
• At the weekend, you have outings plans for both Saturday and Sunday.
• You work out issues by talking and are very open with others.
• You feel drained if you spend too much time alone.

“People always ask me how I muster the strength to be so open about things, and I explain to them that I took the Myers-Briggs test, like, four times, and every single time, I ranked an 87 percent extrovert, so it would probably take more strength for me to shut up.” — Leandra Medine.

Ambiverts

Some people are ambiverts. This means they are in the middle of the continuum and neither very extroverted nor very introverted.

Also, people can change. I have become more content to stay home since we have had Covid to deal with.

Where are you on introvert/extrovert continuum

Think about where you are on the continuum. It can be as easy as marking a spot on a line.

Understanding yourself

Firstly, don’t let anything label or define you. You are perfect as you are. Use this knowledge to understand yourself and others rather than dictate how you behave.

It was a significant relief to me learning the difference between being ‘needy’ and extroverted. I couldn’t understand why I always needed other people’s company so much when others patently didn’t. I felt as if I were lacking somehow and worried about being a nuisance.

Similarly, if I plan a big party and someone asks, “Why do you need to invite so many people?” I can now explain why, whereas before, I felt I was doing something wrong.

I hope knowing your place on the Introvert/Extrovert continuum has helped you understand yourself a bit better.

Understanding others

Knowing all about introverts and extroverts is a useful tool to understand and get along with others. If you are not sure how introverted or extroverted your friends or work colleagues are, ask.

It’s easy to draw a continuum and ask people to mark where they sit. It’s as simple as that.

My daughter is very introverted, and I used to worry that she wanted to spend so much time at home, alone in her room thinking or writing. Now I understand that she needs to do that.

If I have people coming to the house, I am OK with my daughter staying in her room. She doesn’t mind popping out to say hello, but that is enough for her.

When I think of the birthday parties I organized for her when she was little, I cringe. Twenty-five kids, their parents and all the extended family. Apparently, she dreaded them, but in my mind, I was being the best mummy ever.

My partner is also more introverted than me, and so we have agreed limits for socializing. One outing a day and no excursions two days in a row is what he can comfortably cope with.

Final thoughts

Knowing about introverts and extroverts can help you understand yourself and others, thereby improving your relationships.

• Work out where you and the people you know are on the introvert/extrovert continuum. — The best way of doing this is to ask them.
• Adapt your behavior to suit your introvert and extrovert friends and co-workers.
• If in doubt, ask how they like to be treated.

I write about leadership & training, and I’ve designed The New Leader’s Starter Kit to help leaders better communicate with their teams. Get your free copy here — The New Leader’s Starter Kit takes you through how to run One-to-Ones and Constructive Feedback sessions & develop effective listening skills — a printable one-to-one form, feedback form and listening skills checklist included.