Interview with Elisabeth Khan

Not lemonade, but nimbu ka achaar (Indian lemon pickle)! I like to keep both my food and my life spicy.

I became Elisabeth’s fan after reading some of her poetries on a beautiful city of Hyderabad. That’s when I started talking to her about how does she know so much about my country? She responded to me that her husband belongs to Hyderabad and she has visited India many times too. That touched the strings of my heart and I have been waiting for the day when I will sit face to face knowing about her beautiful journey of life.

I find her write-ups full of positivity and leaving a message of humanity. It takes a huge amount of observation to come up with words while perceiving people the way they are. We all do that from time to time but when we capture them in our words is that time when we set them free in life.

I have rejoiced reading her answers and it’s a privilege for me to interview her and knowing a bit more about her sitting away from miles.

1. Where do you belong? Is there anything you would like to change about the place you belong to?

Where do I belong? This is the dreaded question I get asked wherever I go. And my answer starts with, “How much time do you have?” To make a long story short: I was born in Belgium and lived there for the first 35 years of my life; I married an Indian, and we migrated to the USA about 30 years ago. Phir bhi dil hai Hindustani.

Belgium is a very nice country (except for the weather), but somehow I never felt that I belonged there. I was pretty much obsessed with India, read every book about it that I could find. I met my husband at university and the initial plan was for us to move to India after he completed his PhD. However, all his efforts to find a job there came up empty. Eventually he found a dream job in Belgium, where our first three kids were born. I was awarded a travel grant and spent some time studying in India, living with my sister-in-law. Our eldest son was only a year old and I took him along so his grandparents could get to know him. I loved those four months. Later we would travel to my husbands’s hometown every few years (when we could afford it) with the kids, and I always wished I could stay on.

Being in love, I was always ready to follow my guy to the far ends of the world, so when he was offered an even better job in the US, we settled down Michigan, had another baby, and called it home. Now we could afford to visit India more frequently, and my love for that country just kept growing. I persuaded my husband to move back to his hometown when he retired. Although he was not in a hurry to retire, we went as far as buying a house in Bhopal. So this is what I did manage to change about my situation!

My husband’s boss was reluctant to let him go, and offered him a transitional job in the UAE. I started dividing my time between Abu Dhabi and India (and the US), in order to furnish our home and make it comfy and cozy for the long awaited retirement. Currently, my seasonal nomadic trek between these three countries is still going on. The irony is that it took moving to America for me to discover that I was, if not wholeheartedly Belgian, at least very European, but always carrying India in my heart. Despite my American passport, I should probably declare myself “Indo-European.”

2. What sets your soul on fire?

Beauty. Art. Music, specifically classical and world music (above all, Sufi music). Plus, that spark you get when you encounter a like-minded soul.

3. Which one is your favorite family memory and why?

The summer of 2018, when my six sisters and I came together to celebrate our Mom’s 90th birthday. It was the first time in many, many years that the seven of us were in one place, and Mom passed away three months later.

4. Is there anyone in your life you could give your life for? If yes, why?

I would gladly give my life for any one of my four children. I want each of them to have a full, happy life, like I had.

5. Do you pour love into self from time to time?

Good question. I had to learn this, and I did so only recently. Earlier I used to be a perfectionist, towards myself and all around me. Now I understand that perfection cannot be attained, and we have to accept ourselves and others as we are, lovingly.

6. How often do you observe the people near you?

All the time. I noticed, Gurpreet, you call your yourself a “born spectator” and I immediately felt some kinship between us. People, their foibles, their passions and their concerns, are so fascinating to me. It’s very hard for me to join any group, because I prefer the role of the unbiased observer.

7. What do you hope for? Does it change something within you or around you?

I am waiting impatiently for humankind to grow up, and I try to help it along by promoting “peaceful cohabitation” (beyond mere coexistence) on this planet, i.e., living together with respect for each other and for Nature. I learned the term from the Kerala artist I met in February, but the concept was already there.

8. How does it feel like being a woman to you?

Ha! People often call me girly or feminine, even now, in my sixties, and I guess I can’t deny the chromosomes I was born with. But even as a teen, I was more interested in the concept of “the human being” and I resented stereotypes and sexualization. I always wished to engage with others on the human plane, but when you’re a woman you tend to get misunderstood. So it’s a bit of a mixed blessing.

9. What you would like us to remember you for?

I would like to be remembered for being a good friend and a kind human being.

10. How would you describe your life?

My life is one big adventure, full of surprises, and I love every bit of it!

11. What keeps you on your toes and how do you like to spend your time?

Since childhood I always loved “wasting” my time: daydreaming, reading, and writing. My obligations to my loved ones is what keeps me on my toes.

12. When life gives you lemons what do you make out of it?

Not lemonade, but nimbu ka achaar (Indian lemon pickle)! I like to keep both my food and my life spicy.

13. What mystery of life you would like to have an answer for?

The big question that keeps bugging me is the nature of “evil,” the thing that causes so much pain in this world. Why is it there, what is its role in the scheme of things? I was never able to fathom it, and none of the conventional explanations satisfy me.

14. How were you different five years ago from what you are today?

I am even happier today than I was five years ago, less demanding, more at peace with myself and others. I thank a lot of that to my meditation practice.

15. What would you like to leave as your legacy? Is there any message you would like to communicate to us?

I wrote a novel once, but I have since repudiated the ill-conceived (and unpublished) wretch. I doubt that I have another one in me. But I hope that my poems and stories will leave a mark, however slight, in the hearts of the people who read them.

Elisabeth Khan is a fan of Fiction, nonfiction, memoir, poetry. I cherish my fellow humans. Fascinated by animals, plant life, life in general. I’m a linguist who also loves science.