Inside Abusive Relationships
Abusive relationships, fight for justice and leaving co-dependency as told in Dora’s Travesty of Justice
I have been engrossed with the news as well as others, because of the abuse that occurred during and after Gabby Petito and Brain Laundrie’s relationship. My Dora Series was created to assist others in their fight for justice and help to leave co-dependent relationships for good. Gabby Petito, me, and others did not leave until it was too late. Gabby was not as lucky as I was. I talked Jeb out of killing me (the hitman hired by my ex-husband) as I escaped. You are also lucky.
Power and knowledge go a long way. If you suspect your significant other of abuse, you should contact the phone numbers below or click on the link. If you are now in a relationship with your abuser, get help. If you were in an abusive relationship, help others, please.
Unhealthy Relationships
“Immature relationships work beautifully when both partners grow together and mature emotionally. But, when one wants to keep the other down, it doesn’t work. In a healthy relationship, Gabby’s blog would be a wonderful opportunity for Gabby. In an unhealthy relationship, the abuser wants you all to himself. He keeps you away from your friends and family. Bobby Chacon, Retired FBI Agent, interviewed by Chris Cuomo on September 30, 2021.
Violent Relationships
If you are in an unhealthy relationship where violence happens, run anywhere. I ran to the emergency room for safety. It is awful when you are constantly “put down”, hit and controlled. Another thing I learned is when the person you are with gets angry, there will probably be a violent episode as with Gabby and Brian.
Abusive Relationships
The abusive relationships I mention below are in reference to Gabby and Brian, Donald (my ex-husband), and my friend’s husband, Sam. Gabby and Brian were fighting for weeks and getting worse as their relationship was becoming more and more awkward. In a co-dependent relationship, the controlling person will seek more and more control, but if they lose control of the other person, they start exercising violence. Strangulation is a crime of passion that causes death. That played to a pattern as with Brian Laundrie as told in an interview with Bobby Chacon.
Below is a personal compilation of information from Julie Cantrell 30 Important Domestic Violence Lessons To Learn From The Gabby Petito Brian Laundrie Case on September 21, 2021. Bobby Chacon, Retired FBI, Kristie Taylor & These Are 7 Signs Your Partner is Emotionally Abusive .
1-Social Media-“Followers on social media see happy couples, full of love. They want everyone to believe that their lives were wonderful,” quoted by Julie Cantrell. Instead, people like Gabby, Brian, and Sam feel lonely, depressed, anxious, or stressed with their use of social media more …”They posted because of the inadequacy about their life or appearance”, as quoted in 30 Important Domestic Violence Lessons To Learn From The Gabby Petito Brian Laundrie Case.
2-Gaslighting-Your perceptions become disoriented or distressed due to your significant other changing the truth to fit his words. “The public was shown body camera footage by Moab City Police officer Daniel Robbins who pulled Laundrie and Petito over after the 911 call on August 12, 2021.” “Laundrie while nervous appeared to be the steadier of the two, also quoted by Julie Cantrell. Some people thought Gabby was the abuser of the two. Laundrie says, “She’s crazy.” and dismissed it as a joke when speaking about Gabby Petito. But, she is not crazy, Brian is. He was treating his mental illness with medication before he went off his meds. We still need justice for Gabby. Donald used to tell me regularly that when I heard something different than his truth , he stated “you are confused.” Sam tries to change the truth to meet his purposes hoping my friend will not notice, but I do.
3-Stockholm Syndrome- is commonly linked to kidnappings and hostage situations. I hugged my captor and arranged for his safety. Little did I know that Donald and his hitman planned my murder. My friend has become a hostage to Sam’s controlling behavior. She is now defending him, making excuses for his actions because he convinces her that it is her fault if she questions his behaviors.
4-Victim Blaming-What we see is Gabby crying, yelling, or breaking down emotionally. Donald warned me to never call the police because he would appear to be the sane one as I would look crazy. Sam blames my friend constantly, refuses to discuss it, and blames her again. It is never their fault in their world.
5-Smoke and Mirrors-An abuser is skilled at convincing people that he knows everything and does no wrong in his mind. This is due to diminished self-worth. Brian convinced the police that he was the only sane individual in the room. Donald behaved quite well publicly. Everyone loved him unless they figured out his game. My only public abuse was at a neighborhood Whole Foods when no one noticed. I was hit 24 times a year-all private except this one and when he sliced my face up, observed by his childhood best friend, Red who now has selective memory. This way, he could show the public that I was crazy, not him. He knew that he raped me so when the hitman came to kill me, Jeb first acted as if he would rape me knowing my fear was being raped. Sam made my friend believe that he was perfect for her when he had a deceitful plan already in action. I had nightly dreams of his present behavior, but I tried to put it aside.
Sam and my friend were engaged a few months after the first meeting and married quickly after that. He courted her and showed total adoration and respect for her boundaries. Soon after the marriage, he consistently showed disdain for her comments, participation, and happiness. She no longer has her boundaries. He took them.
6-Excuses-Gabby made many excuses for Laundrie’s behavior. Gabby Petito did not want her fiancé to be in trouble. I had to make excuses for Donald also. My favorite line was “Tomorrow will be better.” It was not. I used to say that Donald was having a bad day. This is also one of the common components of abusive relationships-making excuses for their behavior. I knew Donald was a narcissistic psychopath, obsessive-compulsive, bi-polar to mention a few. I apologized for his behavior so well that everyone thought that he was a wonderful, kind, and caring individual. Sam has the same compulsions as Donald. He has consistently and systematically attempted to remove my presence from my friend’s life.
7-Violence-Brian insists that he never hit Gabby. He was just trying to keep her calm. He was charming. The 49-second audio recording says that “The gentleman was slapping the girl. He proceeded to hit her, hopped in the car, and they drove off.” Donald wined and dined me. After I married him, he maintained full control and began destroying my psyche. We never were home the first few years of marriage. He took me on every business he had. I was gone most of the year. This included Europe, Japan, the Caribbean, San Francisco, Burlingame, Mexico, and more. I never was home to make friends. He also took Glinda away. What was Donald running from? The hitman he hired told me that he came to kill me which would help me to calm me during my kidnapping. Really? Donald was no longer charming. Sam is angry, shows jealousy, lies, and is controlling. I am afraid that my friend will be a statistic due to Sam’s personality and mental disorders.
8-Jealousy-Brian Laundrie was jealous of Gabby’s success as with her website. Donald was jealous of all my friends so he removed the remainder of them including my mother. Sam has attempted to remove me, but I will not budge because I will go to any length for my friend. He continues his attempts to destry our friendship.
9-Mental and Physical Abuse-Brian physically, emotionally, and mentally abused Gabby. He grabbed and scratched her face. He criticized her. In his mind, he needed to. She was getting successful on her own. If she did that, she would never need him again. Gabby has been caught in a system of abuse. Donald’s abuse caused huge amounts of anxiety and or depression. It also brings on my insomnia every night at 3:00 am, I wake up due to my nightmares about Donald. My friend is always criticized and Sam is always moody.
10-Isolate-Donald drew me in as Brian did to Gabby. Remember, Brian had a mental illness that he took meds for until he decided to become unmedicated. Then, he killed Gabby. My spirit was been broken. I also had a fear of abandonment. I disappeared emotionally for many years until I began to fight back. Donald’s mood swings (unmedicated bi-polar) were his problem, no longer mine. I used to go to dancing class until Donald censored my time for that and running errands. Dr. Phil says, “Isolate her, make her gain weight, make her not talk with her friends, and then you only have her attention.”
Dr. Daniel Bober, Former Mental Health Policy Fellow, U.S. Senate through the American Psychiatric Association explained in an interview on CBSN on September 29, 2021 explained the Warning Signs of a Toxic Relationship.
“Healthy relationships are based on trust, communication and mutual respect. A healthy relationship is not controlling and does not have any attempts to denigrate, disparage a person, particularly in a public setting which is concerning. Then, the attempts to control the person to have them withdraw from their friends.” Warning signs of a Toxic Relationship are as followers:
Takeaway
If you see someone amid a verbal or physical alteration, call the FBI. You might save her life. During my aggravated kidnapping, I kept my ex-husband’s “hitman” from killing me. My neighbor from across the street was in her house with the sharpshooter and directing my safety. Abuse can happen to any gender, sexuality, ethnicity, nationality, religious affiliation, age, or socio-economic level. Situations DO NOT get better in time. My life only got better in my 39th year of marriage because I left.
Donald took my pension and lied about the money in the divorce settlement, but, I am alive. The Federal Bureau of Investigation will take over my case.
I remembered something else I heard on Dr. Phil: “Punching a wall next to you is emotional abuse. You do not get any more of a warning than that. He will probably hit you next.”
Please don’t let the next statistic be you or someone you love. For support, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline. From a safe phone, call 1–800–799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. Domestic abuse link
FBI hotline (202) 324–3000
Watch this video for a signal which could save your life
My link anytime.