Summary

The web content discusses seven signs of emotional abuse in relationships, emphasizing the importance of recognizing these behaviors to protect oneself from psychological harm.

Abstract

The article, "These Are 7 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Abusive," delves into the subtle yet damaging patterns of emotional abuse within relationships. It highlights the experiences of the author, who, through personal encounters with an emotionally abusive ex-partner, realized the prevalence and impact of such behaviors. The piece outlines specific signs of emotional abuse, including threats of abandonment, gaslighting, controlling social interactions, withholding affection, belittlement, criticizing appearance, and threatening self-harm. These tactics are used to manipulate, control, and undermine the victim's self-worth, leading to long-term psychological effects such as anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self. The author stresses the importance of recognizing these signs early on and offers advice on how to address them, emphasizing the need for communication, support, and, if necessary, professional help.

Opinions

The author believes that emotional abuse, while less visible than physical abuse, can be more harmful due to its insidious nature and the difficulty in detecting it.
Emotional abuse is characterized by behaviors aimed at controlling, subduing, punishing, or isolating another person, often leading to psychological damage.
Threatening to leave during arguments is seen as a manipulative tactic to exploit the victim's fear of abandonment and should be recognized as a red flag.
Gaslighting is condemned as a destructive technique used by emotionally abusive individuals to make their partners question their reality and sanity.
Controlling when a person sees their friends and family is viewed as an unhealthy attempt to isolate and gain power over the victim.
Emotional withholding, where affection is used as a tool for manipulation, is considered detrimental to a relationship's health.
The author criticizes the act of making oneself appear superior in a relationship, as it undermines the victim's accomplishments and self-esteem.
Criticizing a partner's appearance is seen as a form of control and an attempt to erode their self-confidence.
Threatening self-harm during arguments is recognized as a manipulative strategy that leverages the victim's concern for their partner's well-being.
The article conveys a strong opinion that individuals in emotionally abusive relationships deserve better and should seek help, emphasizing the importance of talking to someone trustworthy or reaching out to professional resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

These Are 7 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Abusive

Helen might’ve been the face that launched a thousand ships, but for me, it’s a different face that launched my writing career. Because of one essay I wrote about an emotionally abusive ex, I realized just how much I love talking about relationships.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but that relationship was a classic emotionally abusive relationship with all the signs. The thing is, I couldn’t recognize them because I didn’t even know what they were.

What’s worse is, I’m not alone. Over half the population has experienced some form of emotional abuse in their lives. Even though physical abuse has deadlier outcomes, emotional abuse is harder to detect.

Making it much more harmful.

Emotional abuse comes in many forms. It’s defined as “any nonphysical behavior or attitude that is designed to control, subdue, punish, or isolate another person through the use of humiliation or fear,” according to psychologist Beverly Engel.

Victims of emotional abuse frequently experience:

Diminished self-worth
Fear of abandonment
Anxiety
Depression
Shame and guilt
Difficulty sleeping
Inability to concentrate
Nightmares

The good news is there are classic signs to look out for to help determine if your partner is emotionally abusive. They’re ones I wish I’d known before all of the damage was done.

They threaten to leave you during arguments.

With my emotionally abusive ex, he’d quickly flip from a minor disagreement to threatening that he would get into his car, drive off, and I’d never see him again. It triggered my fear of abandonment, so I’d do whatever he said.

But threatening to abandon someone isn’t a conflict resolution skill. It’s a manipulation tactic aimed to make an argument or situation end in the person’s favor. If the relationship means that little to them, then you should, in fact, be the one to leave them.

If your partner does this, talk to them about how damaging it is for the trust in your relationship. If they continue, then consider leaving to find someone who wouldn't threaten the relationship so easily.

They make you feel crazy.

Do you go into an argument confident about how you feel and leave questioning yourself? Do you think you know the truth of what happened but, once you talk to them, you feel like you remembered things wrong?

A popular technique for emotionally abusive people is gaslighting. It’s when someone uses tactics to make you feel crazy and question your reality. Emotionally abusive people do this to deflect responsibility off them.

But not only is this unhealthy for a relationship, but it’s also very psychologically damaging for the person it happens to. Not knowing what’s real from what’s a lie will take a toll on your mental health.

They control when you see your friends and family.

It’s a healthy thing to see your friends and family whenever you please. Having a thriving life outside of your relationship helps establish your sense of identity, gets more of your needs met and maintains your emotional network.

But an emotionally abusive person may try to control when you see other people outside of the relationship. They may even try to convince you that certain people should be removed from your life, especially if it means that they could help you realize how unhealthy your partner is.

I wish I’d seen my ex’s attempts to isolate me as a bad thing rather than them just being “protective” or “jealous.” It was far from either and ended up making the inevitable breakup even harder to cope with.

They withhold affection as a means of manipulation.

There’s a term for this, and it’s called emotional withholding. It’s not healthy for your partner to shut down and ignore you; in fact, it’s usually a power move for the person to try and regain control of a situation.

A thriving relationship has communication as a top priority; that means that you're able to talk things out even when you get into an argument. Needing to take a step back to breathe is fine but going silent without explanation is not.

The reverse also is important to look out for. If your partner uses their love as a way to coerce you, that’s not OK. “But I love you” or “I’m the only one that could ever love you” aren’t excuses for their crappy behavior.

They act superior.

No matter what I did in my relationship with my emotionally abusive ex, I was never good enough. It didn’t matter that I was working and going to college full-time at a competitive university; he still jumped at the chance to say he was smarter than me.

The fact he was an actor/model didn’t help either. He let the fact he could get paid for taking his shirt off feed his ego and then affect our relationship.

But, in a relationship, partners are equal; one person isn’t better than the other for any reason. Your partner belittling your accomplishments or putting you down will slowly start to eat away at your confidence. You’ll start to feel resentment towards them, which makes for a very unhealthy relationship.

They criticize how you look.

Circling back to my ex being a model, he loved to compare my body to the women he worked with. I started the relationship with relatively OK self-confidence but was a mere shell of who I was when things ended.

If my ex was upset with me, he’d tell me I looked fat that day. If he wanted me to stay home, he’d insist that I ate too much already and didn’t need to go out with my friends. Day in and day out, my ex criticized everything he could.

But what you choose to wear and how your body looks is only your concern. Someone who is emotionally abusive will attempt to shame you or insist they’re trying to protect you. Neither is ok. This is an attempt to control your behaviors and potentially tear down your self-confidence.

They threaten to harm themselves during arguments.

If your partner genuinely plans to hurt themselves, you should contact authorities or the suicide hotline. However, if they bring this threat up in arguments often, it’s a tactic that plays on your love for them and fear for their safety.

It’s never OK for your partner to take advantage of the feelings you have for them by threatening to hurt themselves. Mental illness isn’t something to joke around about, nor is a relationship something a person should hurt themselves over.

Remember that this is a form of abuse, and you’re not responsible for their actions. If you find yourself in this situation, do your best to de-escalate things and then reach out to someone close to you or the domestic violence hotline for help.

Emotional abuse can leave trauma inside you that lasts a lifetime. No one deserves to be mistreated in this way, no matter the argument or situation you find yourself in.

I’m beyond glad my emotionally abusive ex is behind me; I wish I’d left earlier. But what ended up holding me back from a happier life was the fact I stayed silent about what was happening. No one knew.

It might feel scary or like you have no idea what to do, but know that you deserve better. Take even the smallest steps to move towards getting out of that relationship and receiving the help you need. The best place to start is by talking to someone close to you who you trust.

If you need help getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship, reach out to a friend, family, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233.