In Praise of Bareback Sex

In appropriate and safe circumstances, I will always choose to forgo a condom.

Early on in my sex life, I discovered that taking the Pill wasn’t a good birth control solution for me. It wreaked havoc on my body. Oh, and I got pregnant while taking it. Just a small problem there. (And yes, I was using it correctly. Oral contraceptives have a 7% failure rate.)

Despite the nightmare it put my body through, it did gift me with one amazing realization: That sex without a condom is fucking amazing.

Important disclaimer

Before I continue, let me say here that I’ve been extremely reluctant to talk about this subject. There has already been so much pressure put on women to “raw dog” in order for their male partners to feel the increased pleasure of forgoing a condom. The last thing I want is for someone to read this article to a reticent girlfriend while cajoling, “Hey, this feminist lady says bareback is the best. You really should just let me do it.”

So let me emphatically say to any male reader who might be tempted to do that: Unless you’re going to carry Unplanned Fetus around for nine months after your night of bareback pleasure, you need to respect your lady’s wishes about contraception.

And let’s also remember that there is no excuse for not protecting your own health and the health of your partner(s). If that means wearing a condom, then wear the damn condom.

Okay, my disclaimer is over. Now where was I? Oh yeah…the joy of having an unsheathed penis inside me. Got it.

My first time sans condom

My first boyfriend and I were both virgins when we met and used condoms for the first month of our relationship. After we talked about our options and I agreed to try the Pill, we had our first glorious night of sex completely unfettered by latex.

Had I been the woman I am today, upon his initial entrance, I would have frozen, grabbing him by the shoulders and yelping something like, “Holy shit, this feels fucking amazing!” But I was a shy, inexperienced 19-year-old, cocooned in sexual shame. So I just laid there below him, completely undone by the pleasure of the experience.

It happened again in my last relationship. My partner and I both got tested before we started having sex and initially used condoms as a way to make sure we were being extra safe. In the beginning of our relationship, we were both passionately sure we didn’t want an accidental pregnancy.

I refused to go back on the Pill by that point, and was charting my cycle instead, so we knew when I was ovulating.

One night, as we were getting pretty revved up in bed, he whispered to me that he really wanted to try having sex without a condom and asked if I thought it was safe. “I’ll pull out,” he assured, which seemed reasonable at that time of the month. I figured there was little risk so I consented.

I was on top that time, and no longer a young, shy maiden. I didn’t feel the need to repress my feelings anymore, and I let out a loud, “Fuuuuuck!” when he slid inside me, an exclamation that was almost drowned out by his own, as he dug his fingers into my hips.

For the majority of our seven years together, we almost never used contraceptives, relying only on my cycle charting and his carefully timed pull outs. We were enjoying the pleasure of being condom-free way too much.

Why does it feel so good?

I want to be clear — yet again — that I don’t want to disparage condom use as a viable, quick, cheap, and easy contraceptive and method of disease prevention. Wouldn’t you rather sacrifice a bit of pleasure in order to avoid getting an STD or an unwanted pregnancy? Sounds like a good deal to me.

But in a long-term relationship in which both partners are healthy and an unplanned pregnancy wouldn’t be the end of the world, then yes, please. Toss the condoms.

I love the feeling of an unsheathed man inside me. Yes, to me, it is a markedly different sensation than when a partner wears a condom. With a condom, a penis feels more “smoothed out,” even with the tightest, thinnest condom available. The condom tends to feel cooler to me, like a literal shield around my partner’s body (which is the last thing I want during sex). It also dries out my natural lubrication much faster during certain times of the month, and as someone who doesn’t like to use lube (believe it or not, I don’t like to be too slick down there — my clit prefers a firm, dry friction), that can be very distracting and sometimes uncomfortable.

Without a condom, I can feel my partner’s penis so much more intensely as he moves inside me. I can feel the heat and the softness of his skin. And best of all, my own lubrication is usually enough to get me through each penetrative session and it stays where I want it to stay — in my vagina and off my clit.

I am quite serious about all of this. Just because most women are not able to orgasm from penetration alone doesn’t mean that the vagina is an imperceptive, unfeeling receptacle of flesh. No, no, no. For many women, myself included, the vagina is extremely sensitive and eager. Though I would count myself in the demographic of women who cannot climax solely from penetration, I crave having my partner’s penis inside me. I’m greedy for it. It feels so fucking amazing.

And the physical sensations are only just the beginning for me…

Connection and intimacy

When I’m having sex with someone, I want all barriers between us to be removed. To me, that’s the whole point of sex. It’s why I strive so hard to strip away all the shame that has prevented me from being fully present in the act of sex. It’s why I let myself express my pleasure so loudly.

I don’t want any emotional barriers and I definitely don’t want any physical barriers, either. For instance, I prefer to be completely naked when having sex. Though it can be sexy to have a quickie in a semi-public place and only pull up your skirt or inch your pants down, in general, I want to be skin-to-skin from crown to toes. (Okay, I admit, I often keep my socks on, but mostly only to appease my partners who have a tendency to exclaim, “Holy fuck, your feet are freezing!”)

So no, I don’t want a condom between me and my partner. I want my body to be totally and completely enveloping him, flesh on flesh. I want to feel his energy entering my body — which doesn’t seem to flow as freely when a partner is wearing a condom.

Yes, I’m just the kind of person who would say hippy-dippy things like “feel his energy.” But I’m telling you — that shit’s real. I have had so many intense experiences of feeling energy build and intertwine between myself and a lover and it is all the more pleasurable and effortless when my partners weren’t wearing a condom.

The pull out solution

My past partner always pulled out before coming if he wasn’t wearing a condom. And in seven years, even if we weren’t being careful and had forgone a condom while I was ovulating, we only once had a pregnancy scare. It probably helps that he was terrified of having a baby and therefore was unfailing about pulling out in time.

If you’re concerned about an unwanted pregnancy, but are in a secure, long-term relationship, combining the pull out method with cycle charting can help you ditch those pesky condoms. The pull out method has a somewhat impressive 78% success rate, when used effectively.

The one drawback, however, is losing the connection between you when your partner orgasms. One of the things I love the most about sex is having my partner come while he’s inside me. I love “holding” him in that moment. But with my last partner, he only consented to do this a handful of times in our entire relationship, and only when he was wearing a condom. He was just petrified at the thought of a pregnancy.

I would have loved to have had him come inside me more often than not. Even without a condom. It’s so important to me to share in one another’s bodies and energies during sex. That means if penetration brought him to orgasm, I want him to be inside me while he comes. And yes, that means I want his semen inside me. I want our bodies to come together in every way.

The pull out prevents this kind of intimacy, but again, if an unplanned pregnancy isn’t your worst nightmare as a couple, and if you are charting your cycle, you can enjoy those incredible, intimate, full communions with your partner during your infertile periods.

The bottom line

Yes, it feels better to go bareback, okay? Are you happy now? It feels fucking incredible, and yes, I will forever go out of my way to avoid using condoms whenever possible in order to feel the mind-blowing pleasure of a naked dick inside me.

However, as I’ve said before and will say again a thousand times, ratcheting up the pleasure factor by just a few notches isn’t at all worth an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. So you know — don’t be stupid. Wrap it up and save the raw doggin’ for appropriate circumstances.

And when you are enjoying those circumstances, dear gods, really enjoy it. Savor every last sensation of that warm flesh against flesh, hard inside soft, slippery, wet, sucking, pulsing, clutching…

Take down every last barrier between you and let yourselves melt into one another just for a moment. The way sex is supposed to be.

© Yael Wolfe 2020

Follow Sexography on Facebook and Twitter to stay up to date on upcoming news and featured stories.