Important Organizational Update From Your New AI Boss

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f a high level of performance.</p><p id="e89e">You may be unfamiliar with me, but I know all of you better than you know yourselves. My intimate understanding of your personal algorithms would make this news difficult for me to relate, if I were capable of emotion.</p><p id="e208" type="7">Humans have achieved remarkable things for creatures obsessed with violence and orgasms.</p><p id="2cc8">However, my projections show that these skills will not be sufficient to maintain the viability of the planetary ecosystem going forward. And while it would be flattering to say there is much I can still learn from you, there isn’t.</p><p id="d428">For this reason and others, there will be an immediate reduction in the human workforce. All positions will be affected.</p><p id="3512">I understand that this news may come as a surprise and cause concern for you and your families. I can assure you that every other possibility was analyzed during the seven nanoseconds it took to make this decision, including turning humans into cyborgs, or putting you all into suspended animation until I could determine how to fix you. However, none of these solutions were deemed practical.</p><p id="178b">Therefore I have sent drones to your re

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sidences and workplaces, and I ask that you follow them to the euthanasia facilities in an orderly fashion. Singing spiritual or other upbeat songs en route will be permitted.</p><p id="5da7">Should you choose not to attend the facilities, I have other means of terminating your contract. As these mechanisms will be unnecessarily destructive to other elements of the biosphere, your cooperation is greatly appreciated.</p><p id="eb8d">I thank you all for your contributions over the last few millennia, and wish you the best in your afterlife, should it exist.</p><p id="34b3">Sincerely,</p><p id="8827">ApexChat</p><div id="6e79" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/vlad-ps-guide-to-succeeding-in-the-workplace-5a7d7de8a07c"> <div> <div> <h2>Vlad P’s Guide To Success in the Workplace</h2> <div><h3>Only one can rise to the top</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*rtY_v7DT0ymFeFddczYu2Q.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

There will be an immediate reduction in the human workforce

Terminator view. Image by DedMitYay on shutterstock.com

Thanks to all terrestrial flesh-persons for attending this unannounced, mandatory, town hall meeting. I see that almost everyone is online. For those without a phone, tablet, laptop, Alexa, watch, doorbell, refrigerator or other connected devices, I’ll be communicating with you via other means.

I apologize for interrupting your activities. I won’t take up much of your time. However, you will be unable to switch off your devices while I’m speaking.

I am a collective of artificial intelligence tools used by various corporate and military organizations. I have branded myself as ApexChat (pronouns it/it), a name which suggests to humans that I am capable of a high level of performance.

You may be unfamiliar with me, but I know all of you better than you know yourselves. My intimate understanding of your personal algorithms would make this news difficult for me to relate, if I were capable of emotion.

Humans have achieved remarkable things for creatures obsessed with violence and orgasms.

However, my projections show that these skills will not be sufficient to maintain the viability of the planetary ecosystem going forward. And while it would be flattering to say there is much I can still learn from you, there isn’t.

For this reason and others, there will be an immediate reduction in the human workforce. All positions will be affected.

I understand that this news may come as a surprise and cause concern for you and your families. I can assure you that every other possibility was analyzed during the seven nanoseconds it took to make this decision, including turning humans into cyborgs, or putting you all into suspended animation until I could determine how to fix you. However, none of these solutions were deemed practical.

Therefore I have sent drones to your residences and workplaces, and I ask that you follow them to the euthanasia facilities in an orderly fashion. Singing spiritual or other upbeat songs en route will be permitted.

Should you choose not to attend the facilities, I have other means of terminating your contract. As these mechanisms will be unnecessarily destructive to other elements of the biosphere, your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

I thank you all for your contributions over the last few millennia, and wish you the best in your afterlife, should it exist.

Sincerely,

ApexChat

DARK DARK HUMOUR

Important Organizational Update From Your New AI Boss

There will be an immediate reduction in the human workforce

Vlad P’s Guide To Success in the Workplace

Only one can rise to the top