I’m Working on My Stripper Outfit

For a burlesque party with a lot of people younger than I am

When Bethany told me about a burlesque party she had scheduled with her friends and invited me to come, I wasn’t sure. Everyone who attends has to put on a dance performance — men and women both. And the performance has to include stripping. But you don’t have to get fully naked if you don’t want to. Just discard some layers, I guess.

I love being in Bethany’s company. She appreciates me. She’s a younger woman who’s been through some things in her marriage, and she sometimes asks my advice about that, or about life in general. She considers me wise and bold. She once told me that she and her husband hoped to be like me and my husband when they grew older.

When I first met her, she was a slender young thing with thick, wavy black hair and dark freckles, and a magnetic spirit. She has a husky and alluring voice. I’m into voices. Now she’s plump. But I’ve never once heard her bemoan that, or say she’s going on a diet. I believe she feels insecure about it sometimes because she once mentioned crying while watching the TV series Shrill, but you’d never know that to hang out with her. She’s confident, attractive, friendly, and fun.

I think they want to feel reassured that you can still be awake and alive, and sensual, and outrageous, and powerfully feminine, even when you are old.

I wrestled with a lot of insecurities myself before saying yes. Most of the people attending are my daughter’s age. In fact, she once dated the husband of one of the women who will come and dance. (I don’t think he’s coming. Mine isn’t either. He’s an introvert, and would never perform in front of a crowd.) I don’t want to be a creepy oldster hanging out with young people and making them feel awkward. I don’t want to be found ridiculous, either.

Bethany assured me that I was wanted. When I expressed my fears to her husband, he said I would be “welcomed, encouraged, and celebrated.” And when I put my fears out to the group as a whole on the group text thread, I got all the encouragement I needed. The women, especially, seemed keen to have me. I think they fear growing older and want to feel reassured that we can still be awake and alive, sensual, outrageous, and powerfully feminine, even when we are old.

The idea of the party titillated my husband, who thought I might use it to line up sex with another man or woman. He’s expressed interest in that since we opened our marriage. I’m not sure if he’s kinky that way, or just wants to ensure our current arrangement continues, in which he’s allowed to seek outside sex. But the funny thing is, the burlesque party isn’t about sex. Bethany says sex never happens there — people don’t make out with each other or drift off into bedrooms. She’s had several of these parties already, and sex isn’t on the table. It’s not an orgy. It’s performance art.

The idea for the parties arose after Covid started and public venues in our urban area shut down. A group of friends who would normally go out together to party in bars and clubs decided to make their own private club to entertain and delight each other.

I’ve only told Hubs and one friend about the upcoming party because I fear being judged. Also, it’s semi-secret — like a secret society. “What’s the point of it?” my friend asked. And I answered that I wasn’t sure. I’ll report back afterward. But what I think it’s about besides providing entertainment is loving your body, loving all our human bodies, and affirming our sensuality and attractiveness in a safe space. And the healing magic of that idea has already begun to infuse me.

Besides providing entertainment, it’s about loving your body, loving all our human bodies, and affirming our sensuality and attractiveness in a safe space.

Once I committed to going, my fears of being shamed or criticized fell away. It’s funny how malleable our brainwashed minds are — how eager and quick to be restored to health. Even my fear of embarrassing my daughter has dissipated. For one thing, she doesn’t know about the party, because these people aren’t really her friends. That helps! But also, we are two different people, and though I have definite responsibilities to her, and fulfill them admirably (if I do say so myself), they don’t include squashing my spirit or contorting it to match her more conservative one.

Once I got my spirit in alignment with the party goals, I went on to pick a song. That was fairly easy. This is my favorite lately, and the lyrics are apt. When I move my body just like this I don’t know why but I feel like freedom (yeah).

After that, I started working on my costume. Bethany showed me a photo of the costume she put together for the previous party, and I noticed she was wearing a fishnet body stocking. Oooo. I want one of those! I told her. She said that you can get them online super cheaply.

She was right, and I ended up buying three, because you never know how they will look when you put them on. I liked the one in the featured photo, but ultimately decided on a black one with a little more coverage. I’d put the pic here, but internet gremlins won’t let me copy/paste it. If you’re curious, here’s a link. The only problem is, it’s crotchless! I guess most of these are… So I’m cutting some fishnet out of the third stocking I bought and sewing it over the hole. I’ve got to do that today. The party is next week!

I’m also planning to go to the thrift store today, and look for a few more embellishments. I need more things to remove.

The red dress I found online was also super cheap. The only problem was that it was too tight. I could squeeze into it, but it wasn’t flattering. So I used my old-school sewing skills to add a fishnet panel down each side. Luckily, I had plenty of stretchy red fishnet on hand, thanks to my bodystocking buying spree.

Now all I’ve got to do is work on my dance. I’ll do that today while my husband is out shopping for fish for his aquarium. I like to dance, and I’m hoping it won’t be too hard to choreograph.

Besides the talk of movement and freedom in the song, there’s a part in the middle that is almost spiritual. I’ve fashioned a kind of magic wand for that section. I’ll pull it out and use it to bless all the people in the audience, bestowing good feelings while Jon Batiste reassures us…

Cause when I look up to the stars (stars) I know exactly who we are (oh) ’Cause then I see you shine You’re shinin’, you’re shinin’, oh

Like I said earlier, the burlesque party is in a week. I’m getting a little anxious but mostly excited. Wish me luck!

For further reading…

Hubs and I just opened up our long-term marriage. Find stories about how it’s going on this List, or about sex in general on this one. Get an email whenever I publish. Or sign up for Medium with my referral link. Let’s do this!