BULLSHIT \ CRAP \ NONSENSE
I’m THEE Top Writer in Bullshit and Crap. Edward John Must Die So I Can Be THEE Top Writer in Nonsense Too.
Cursing all the talented Bullshit, Crap and Nonsense artists on Medium
I work damn hard issuing stinky ideas.
So do a lot of other author arteurs on Medium.
Their talents are beginning to get in my way.
Allow me to explain.
Medium keeps a list of 73 legit Top Writer tags one can aspire to. They’re all unimportant and range from “Advice” at one end of the spectrum, to “Writing” at the other. Sandwiched in between these two bookends (Do you like that “lit” reference? Cool, huh?) are topics like: art, business, creativity and culture, and multiple other tributes to trivia.
Weirdly, “Medicine” didn’t make the list of 73, but “NBA” and “Poetry” (that’s “POETRY!”, fucking “poetry” in case you missed it the first time) did. Shows you what’s important, AMIRITE!?
Somehow “humor” and “satire” are tags to aspire to and made the holiest of holy list of 73. (Who the fuck knows what goes on during Tony Stubblebine’s wild and woolly editorial gabfests.)
Oh well, wiser minds than mine are at work here.
Then there are tags, like “bullshit”, “crap” and “nonsense” one can earn that carry no weight and confer no honor whatsoever.
Those are the ones I want.
But, like bees drawn to honey, or perhaps like flies drawn to shit, others on Medium want Top Writer honors in these categories.
These posers must die.
Just look at this bullshit:
Sure, I’m riding high, highest in fact, but there are some talented fuckers coming up from behind. I awaken trembling each morning terrified that Reuben Salsa, Harry Seitz, Matija Zagoranski or even the lowly Uvebruce will do some bullshitty thing and vault into the top bullshit spot.
Look at this crap
There’s Harry Seitz just sniffing at my backside, attempting with any single stroke of literary genius, or crap, to unseat me.
Nonsense I tell you, nonsense!
Look at the runny, putrid, cluster fuck happening here.
Edward John sits atop my head in nonsense. Then there’s John Welford (who I’ve never even heard of), Sally Prag (some kind of crazed UK-affiliated writer) and the nit-picky Holly J See 🐩🐕 [she/her] all bringing up the rear.
I need medication to deal with the stress.
Or, as noted earlier, Edward John could do the decent thing and just drop dead.
Meanwhile, I’ll continue my quest for no, no, no, notoriety.
Or, maybe there’s hope for me in “balderdash”, “tomfoolery” or, perish the thought … POPPYCOCK.