Relationships
I’m Ride or Die with My Girl
She found her husband's car at a motel, then she called me
“A good friend will help you move but a true friend will help you move a body.” — Steven J. Daniels
Snacks Help
He was supposed to be playing golf with his buddies. His wife went to the animal shelter behind the No-Tell motel. Instead of dropping off dog food, she parked her car, got in his, and drove away. Then she called me to go back to the motel with her to wait for him to come out.
We made sandwiches, got some orange juice, some gin, some hot and sour pickles, and fire Cheetos. We went in my husband’s car so her spouse would not spot us. My spouse tried to deter me, but I’m ride or die for my girl. This woman has been my friend for thirty years. We have a plan.
We saw him walk out of the motel with one of our mutual friends. Damn, what the hell! We were shocked. I wondered whose else’s husband in our group was she screwing. I have some calls to make later. The slut went to her car and left. The spouse searched for his car for ten minutes before he spotted his wife’s car.
He looked around, craning his neck to see around some nearby trucks. We slide down in our seats so he wouldn’t see us. We can see him through the window. He takes out his phone. Her phone rings. She put him on speaker.
“Hey, honey,” he says. She slips out of my car and starts walking toward her car, cell phone to her ear. I stayed in my vehicle. The goal is for her to get in her car and drive away, leaving him stranded at the motel.
She walks toward him, maneuvering him away from the car as he walks toward her. My job is to be a distraction. I pull out of my parking spot and drive fast toward them.
I’m Not Going To Kill Him
He looks right at me; he knows it’s me: her crazy childhood friend. You should have seen the look on his face. He thinks I’m trying to kill him. I giggle insanely as he jumps out of the path of my car.
She jumps in her car and closes the door. He runs around to her car door, trying to open it. Nope, locked. She starts the car, and we are off. We are both laughing like banshees as we drive away.
We meet at my house where my spouse is not happy. “What if he comes here,” my honey says. We both look at him. Oh, he is definitely not coming over here. If he is stupid enough to come to my house, he will get a frying pan upside his head. He never shows up. She stays the night. The next day she puts him out.
Later, after they divorced, we tell the tale to the man she is serious about. When she remarries, at their wedding in my Matron of Honor speech, I say, “Never make me do a drive-by again.”
We have ourselves a pleasant laugh at our inside joke, drink champagne, dance, and eat wedding cake.
She Knows Me
At the wedding, a little drunk, my spouse tells me he doesn’t quite understand this “ride or die” girl’s thing. I try to explain. She knows me from before I became the prominent corporate executive, the woman you love.
We laughed, fought, and ate mayonnaise sandwiches together. We walked up project stairwells together with ball bats to fend off would-be rapists. I know about her first kiss, and she knows all about mine. We sometimes don’t talk for months, but it is just like we spoke yesterday when we do. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to help her. I love her.
My husband of decades smiles and says, “I’m glad you two found each other.” I glance at him and say, “Yeah, me too. Genuine friends are hard to find. “
Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?” was one of the winners. Her first book, “Never a $7 Whore” was the other.
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